What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

[MissFM]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

CleverClogs is just a very naughty boy, Freddie.

Keep venting to us and we will try to support you in finding which way is up - it's not easy in such an extreme situation and we're on your side (even bad CC:whip: )

[Eloise01]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

See where I am coming from?

No, actually I don't. Venting that the world is unfair, fine. It is sometimes. But however unreasonable she may sound to you, you are not coming across here as the picture of rational discussion either. If you want to try to mend your marriage, and that may not be possible, then you need to talk to each other - not have diatribes about morality and "bad examples". This is the 21st century and not the 16th - you don't own her. Instead of approaching this as a fight to the death for your "rights" to her, have you considered that marriage guidance counselling might be a good approach. Some agencies will only counsel couples, which would require her to agree, but others will look at counseling for one partner if they feel it will help them approach the problems they are facing in a positive way. And if the marriage cannot be saved, which many cannot, then how do both of you end this in a way that causes least harm and distress to the children? Neither she, nor, you, can have it all your own way - so you can both make it as unpleasant as possible for each other and everyone else including the girls, who will not enjoy seeing their parents tear each other apart; or you can try to act in a civilised manner that shows that they are your primary concern and not yourselves.

[CleverClogs]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

This is the 21st century and not the 16th - you don't own her.

Even after having gone to the expense of having his name, monogram or armorial bearings tattooed on her rump?

But doesn't he own the padlocks with which he secured her intimate piercings - or are they now considered to be merely a gift?

[Inca]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

She's having an affair,,she's left the marital home,why??? Could she be having the famous 'midlife crisis'? Could she have found someone she really wants to be with? Could she just not love you anymore?
Some things are just so broken they cannot be fixed,BUT,,if you tirade and rage against her and to her I promise you any feelings she may still have for you,and any slight chance of reconcilliation you may have will be blown out of the water.Love and hate are very close bedfellows,it doesn't take much to tip from one to the other.You have the power to make sure your innocent children aren't scarred for life by this,and any parent worthy of the title 'Dad' or 'Mum'..should protect them from all the hurt. Just because you adults can't agree doesn't give either of you right to systematically destroy them.

[PlanB]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Freddie, do you love your wife? Because if you did you wouldn't even be thinking like this. You'd be plotting ways to win her back starting with "I'm sorry for . . . " coupled with flowers. No court in the universe can *order* her to love you again, only you can make that happen.

My husband had an affair and I had to ask myself why it happened and was it partly my fault. It's so easy to take people for granted. Have you done anything to drive this woman into another man's arms because she clearly loved you deeply for a long time if you have two children together.

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

I believe that refers to the bit about not beating your wife.

When, actually, did you stop beating her?

When are you finishing kindergarden?

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

I know what you are saying, but you cannot beat yourself for your partner having an affair unless you have been absolutely awful, like having had affairs yourself or been a bully or violent. For most other things you did wrong there is divorce first, then find another partner.

I do love her, that is why I am not saying: "what the hell, let her have her fun then leave me without me bothering to take any action to interfere in the affair and trying to make her see reason"

I have already apologised.

[bluebottle]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Freddie,

This issue may be tearing you apart inside, but putting yourself at risk of a custodial sentence just isn't worth the aggravation. You and your wife have common ground in your daughters. Please think of them and put their interests first - both of you. Yes, at the moment you may want to bury the hatchet right in the middle of your wife's and Lothario's heads, but what will that achieve, eh? Nothing.

Celestine and Eloise have succinctly summed up the situation and advised you to be the better person in this situation. Please take their advice and mine, too. Just remember that your daughters come first. Show them their dad is a person they can look up to and go to when they need advice and guidance, not someone who is willing to risk all, including prison.

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

I appreciate your offer of support, but please understand that I am looking for more than just a pat on the back. I need to take action so that one day I will not sit I think: "Christ if only I had tried a bit harder instead of following that advice about doing nothing and accept it stoically, I may still have my family together"

[PlanB]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

I do love her, that is why I am not saying: "what the hell, let her have her fun then leave me without me bothering to take any action to interfere in the affair and trying to make her see reason"

I have already apologised.

Well that's a good start. If your goal is to win her back then you need a strategy and threatening or being mean to her even in a whisper is not the way forward. Have you considered taking legal advice on your rights if you moved out for a while (do you own the property)? Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. She may be having this affair to make you jealous and it might not mean much to her in reality.

I don't know enough about the grounds for getting a Non-Molestation order but you have to convince the court it's necessary don't you?

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

That is precisely what I want to show my daughters: that I am protecting them from the exposure to this pernicious affair and that I am making my wife respect me so that they do look up to me.

[bluebottle]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Is this matter due to go back to court any time soon, Freddie? Have you spoken to a legal professional about having the NMO quashed?

[PlanB]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

That is precisely what I want to show my daughters: that I am protecting them from the exposure to this pernicious affair and that I am making my wife respect me so that they do look up to me.

Is your wife conducting this affair in the family home? How do your children know about this affair?

[Inca]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

From my own experiences,and I have been married twice,,the lie,once told,sows the seed of doubt that will never ever go away.My sons Dad (hubby 1) tried every which way but wednesday to be faithful to me after his affair (which I ended up getting the blame for ),,but the trust had gone and I wasn't ever going to be able to believe a word he said.We actually walked into the Divorce hearing hand in hand,,no spite,no malice,my only concern was and always has been my son (he was 6 at the time)We had just run out of steam,I will love him for the rest of my life as the father of my child but I don't bloody like him. 2nd one turned out to be a violent bully,I ended up with custody of HIS kids too.

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

I cannot try to convince her to stop this reckless court action, even with the argument that I am throwing away money on legal fees that could go to our daughters, she will see it as a sign of weakness and she is in an Affair Fog. I do not know if I can post web links but see this:
http://infidelityinfo.com/what-is-an-affair-fog/
People in this state do not listen to reason.

I cannot possibly move out, she could use it as an argument of abandonment of the girls in a custody dispute, I cannot be away from my girls and my business is at home. We are separated living in the same house.