Child custody dispute

[Diana M]

Re: Child custody dispute

I would like to think that your honesty will work in your favour.

Believe it or not Judges are human beings and some may have personal experience of how trying adolescents/teenagers can be when they decide to push the boundaries.

I was a nightmare at that age

Di

[Diana M]

Re: Child custody dispute

Daisy, it's ok if you're too scared to give the details I asked for. I do understand. It's just that am trying to help you, am not here to judge you. I studied law at university which included criminal law.

I don't think Daisy has been accused of doing anything criminal has she?

Di

[Diana M]

Re: Child custody dispute

Are you allowed/denied any contact with your daughter while she's staying at her father's place?

If as you say there has been a suggestion of emotional abuse because you've chatted about the legal issues with your daughter (raised by her father's lawyers or the court?) then it may be a good idea to stay off the subject when you speak with your daughter.

DIscuss the weather, fashion, clothes, make-up and all the other things 12 year olds fixate on, but perhaps stay off the subject of Mummy v Daddy.

Di

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

I don't think Daisy has been accused of doing anything criminal has she?

Di

I was making the point that criminal law is not for the faint hearted, so am more objective than subjective.

[Diana M]

Re: Child custody dispute

I was making the point that criminal law is not for the faint hearted, so am more objective than subjective.

I know I know.

But I was making the point that until or unless Daisy is charged with a criminal offence which I doubt (albeit I have not seen the paperwork of this case) the issue of criminal law and copious case law is not relevant.

Di

[Daisyberwick]

Re: Child custody dispute

The judge hasn't asked me to have therapy, but she is aware that I'm being seen by a mental health team. I've been put forward for a course with regards to my emotions. My daughter absolutely does not want to stay with her father. She feels trapped and isolated at his house. I only hope this (and my willingness to receive help) is enough for the judge.

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

Hi. It's a child arrangement order. It's just until the end of August when there will be another hearing. The judge will speak to my daughter. The only evidence they have is my confession. I admitted to hitting her with the wooden pole, but I did not admit to breaking it over her head. There was another occasion I I hit her (again no bruise) and a time when I hit her in a doorway and she winced back and hit her head on a doorframe. I am not proud, just want to be honest. She was being extremely naughty on all three occasions. They are also accusing me of emotional abuse because I'd discussed the case with her. I'm sorry, I didn't realise the implications. Any other questions, I'm happy to answer and will be honest. Thank you

How exactly is that emotional abuse. Are they saying that discussing the case with her by itself is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is probably unfair - it seem to be that the social workers are just looking for the tiniest things. Emotional abuse is likely manipulation of a person, but discussing the case with her - if she is a curious minded person - is in my view not emotional abuse at all.

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

I know I know.

But I was making the point that until or unless Daisy is charged with a criminal offence which I doubt (albeit I have not seen the paperwork of this case) the issue of criminal law and copious case law is not relevant.

Di

the cases I quoted are family law precedent cases and principles, they're very relevant for 'significant harm and for checks and balances of the social workers' powers.

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

The judge hasn't asked me to have therapy, but she is aware that I'm being seen by a mental health team. I've been put forward for a course with regards to my emotions. My daughter absolutely does not want to stay with her father. She feels trapped and isolated at his house. I only hope this (and my willingness to receive help) is enough for the judge.

please give some more detail as to the mental health team aspect and your apparent emotional problems.

[Diana M]

Re: Child custody dispute

The judge hasn't asked me to have therapy, but she is aware that I'm being seen by a mental health team. I've been put forward for a course with regards to my emotions. My daughter absolutely does not want to stay with her father. She feels trapped and isolated at his house. I only hope this (and my willingness to receive help) is enough for the judge.

I hope that too

Di x

[Diana M]

Re: Child custody dispute

please give some more detail as to the mental health team aspect and your apparent emotional problems.

Is that really neceassy on a public forum?

Di

[Daisyberwick]

Re: Child custody dispute

They do appear to scrape the barrel for things against me. While at her dads, the social worker drove to their house to take her out. They'd been out for an hour and on the way back him, the SW let my daughter call me. Obviously SW only heard one side of the conversation, but she would have heard my daughter being very stressed and still begging me if she could come home. They got to the house and my daughter ran upstairs still on the phone to me. I tried so hard to talk calmly to her, but knowing your child is dealing with this trauma day after day on her own and I can't help her is torture. Meantime, SW is chatting with dad then after about 10 minutes she went upstairs to say goodbye to M. M was still on the phone to me, but threw it on the bed. I stayed on the line innocently waiting for SW to leave then carried on talking to M. The next day, yesterday, she phoned and accused me of coaching M. I was really shocked and upset. They'd already been together for an hour, how on earth can I coach a child after the fact. It was not my intention and it will go against me on the section 37 report. I'm so upset and feel hopeless.

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

Is that really neceassy on a public forum?

Di

Di,

SW and other court appointed staff abuse their powers, emotional abuse is a serious thing to blame a parent of doing. Even if a parent cried in a court room because of stress, the out of touch court/ SW would unfairly view this as 'emotional person/ personality' and therefore not fit to raise the child. The fact that this is situation specific and not substantively affective in the mother's daily life for instance is either here nor there to family courts or SW. I am being very reserved with the labels/ adjectives I could be using for SW, for a purpose. This is why am asking the questions that am asking.

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

Is that really neceassy on a public forum?

Di

Di, if you're in practice and you're interested in court appointed staff including SW either abusing or misunderstanding their power, the following article is an excellent insight into things. This comes from a US attorney experienced in family law. However, especially female lawyers cannot be emotional - as they simply wouldn't be in the man's profession (equality issues are very prominent in the USA), so they do not label persons or use emotive language. Rather things are explained objectively; however, if you were to take the reigns off the lawyers imagine what they really would say.

Grams, M. (2004), 'GUARDIANS AD LITEM AND THE CYCLE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE': HOW THE RECOMMENDATIONS TURN; Law & Inequality: A Journal of Theory and Practice. Minnesota, USA. Citation: 22 LAWINEQ 105.

From the cases I have had access to in the English Legal System, defining 'emotional abuse' is as broad as it is long. There is no definitive explanation of 'emotional abuse' and without it, SW can easily misunderstand or abuse their powers.

However the American legal system's experts have defined it. The main features of 'emotional abuse' is that it is linked to 'domestic violence.' "Domestic violence is defined as "the occurrence of violence, coercion, or intimidation by a family or household member against another family or household member. [FN103] Acts of violence can include: attempting to inflict or inflicting physical harm; placing a person in fear of physical harm; causing psychological or emotional distress; and depriving a family member of access to family funds:" Grams (2004) cites other experts' views.

[Diana M]

Re: Child custody dispute

I'm so upset and feel hopeless.

Of course you feel hopeless. I would too. But that doesn't necessarily mean your situation is forever hopeless even if there are some blips along the way.

Children are resilient but they can also be fickle (well at least mine was). They also sometimes aim to please when there's tension in the air. Some will play one parent off against the other.

But what I've learned (as a divorced parent) is that it all comes together eventually.

Hang on in there.

Di x