Child custody dispute

[Daisyberwick]

Hi thank you for accepting my request
I'm currently going through a custody case for my 12 yo daughter. She is on the child protection register because I hit her on a couple of occasions (once with an implement) although it happened twice, it is very rare for me to be physical with her, but she did push me to the limit....also we were going through a very tough time. My ex husband now wants residency and has a very spiteful lawyer. The first hearing was with a very understanding judge who saw things for what they are and ordered a section 7, but the second hearing was with a judge who seemed to be echoing my ex's lawyer and wants a section 37. Now I am very scared. I have no legal representation. I am up to my ears in paperwork and feel railroaded. Has anyone got any advice for me??

[Daisyberwick]

Re: Child custody dispute

Hi. Well I'm well and truly into my courses, although SS are still dragging their feet with regards to the parenting course. I am going to take the initiative and go on a private course. My daughter still wants to come home. She has not settled like they predicted she would. If my daughter gets a chance to speak to the judge in December, how likely is it that she will be listened to. My courses finish in March. Kind regards

[Daisyberwick]

Re: Child custody dispute

Thank you for the peace of mind that everyone is giving me. I plan the tow the line in every way. I saw a psychiatrist today and she was fantastic, though a little harsh which is what I needed. I know no one can give me any definitive answers, but at least I can see a way forward. Thank you all.

[Crazy council]

Re: Child custody dispute

Hi

I truly understand some of the stuff your thinking/feeling due to being there for other reasons back in 2009. The only way to deal with these type situations is to play along with social and court welfare, push them to set up what you need. You should encourage her, hard as it seems, just so the SS can not see any dispute. The best advise i can offer, do whatever Social service need, then try sort out agreement with teh farther, if not, apply to court to vary the order, You have to make sure, you clear all the SS hurdles first. Sometime you have to push them to make arraignment.

[Daisyberwick]

Re: Child custody dispute

Also. I'm supposed to encourage her to want to stay with him and settle in, but I cannot allow her to think I don't love her or want her. Any advice on this would be very much appreciated.

[Daisyberwick]

Re: Child custody dispute

I have unsupervised contact. Every 3 weeks, I get to spend a day with her. In December it will go back to court to arrange her coming to mine for the weekends. I know she's unhappy. At what stage will they listen to her?

[Linus]

Re: Child custody dispute

Hi. It's been a week and I'm getting there... still in shock at times, other times, I can rationalise it. I think the deciding factor was that I was not forcing Mel to see her dad. They think that because I hate her dad and have said derogatory things about him, that it has rubbed off onto her which is why she doesn't like going to his. They see this as emotional abuse. She appears to have settled there, which makes me both happy and sad. Happy because I couldn't bare to think she's not happy, but sad because it makes me think she won't want to come home (I still see this as her home) I am starting Anger Management on Monday and seeing a psychiatrist about a 'managing emotions' course tomorrow. I'm still waiting for social services to get back to me about starting a parenting course.
Can I ask, if I complete these courses and after 6 months or so, my daughter is still not settled, do I stand any chance at all of getting her back??

That is really good news and fantastic that there is help out there for you. Mental health provision is something of a postcode lottery I am afraid. As for the questions I am sorry I can not answer them.

Do you still have contact and is it supervised or unsupervised . If it is anything other than unsupervised, the first move is getting to that point in my opinion . Maybe [MENTION=87380]Diana M[/MENTION] [MENTION=15129]Crazy council[/MENTION] could help or [MENTION=49370]Kati[/MENTION] could point you in the right direction

[Daisyberwick]

Re: Child custody dispute

Hi. It's been a week and I'm getting there... still in shock at times, other times, I can rationalise it. I think the deciding factor was that I was not forcing Mel to see her dad. They think that because I hate her dad and have said derogatory things about him, that it has rubbed off onto her which is why she doesn't like going to his. They see this as emotional abuse. She appears to have settled there, which makes me both happy and sad. Happy because I couldn't bare to think she's not happy, but sad because it makes me think she won't want to come home (I still see this as her home) I am starting Anger Management on Monday and seeing a psychiatrist about a 'managing emotions' course tomorrow. I'm still waiting for social services to get back to me about starting a parenting course.
Can I ask, if I complete these courses and after 6 months or so, my daughter is still not settled, do I stand any chance at all of getting her back??

[Linus]

Re: Child custody dispute

CrazyCouncil

very sensible advice

It is always hard when things go a way which we do not expect but taking time out before acting is, however hard, the right thing to do.

If I have serious letters to write for example, i compose them then leave them till the following day before posting..just in case I go off on one

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

Hi @daisybrewick

Whatever you do, i would not suggest going against the order in that way, work with caffcass and social, rather that against them. Can i ask, what were the deciding factors in her going there. I know its personal, but its the only way your going to get helpfull advice. You really have to work with the social in these curcs, even when you feel its wrong.

CC, Daisy needs time to digest this... time for herself, family and friends. Let her discuss things if she wants to, at least after a few days but not now. Daisy is likely in shock...needs time to process. It's so easy for us to say stuff, provide some ideas, but we're not going through what she is right now.

[Crazy council]

Re: Child custody dispute

This is devastating. I've just had her on the phone crying a begging me desperately to go pick her up. It's utterly heartbreaking. I feel sick to the stomach and so very helpless

Hi [MENTION=11222]daisy[/MENTION]brewick

Whatever you do, i would not suggest going against the order in that way, work with caffcass and social, rather that against them. Can i ask, what were the deciding factors in her going there. I know its personal, but its the only way your going to get helpfull advice. You really have to work with the social in these curcs, even when you feel its wrong.

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

This is devastating. I've just had her on the phone crying a begging me desperately to go pick her up. It's utterly heartbreaking. I feel sick to the stomach and so very helpless

I am so sorry to hear this news Daisy. I don't know what went wrong until you feel up to telling me. Listen, this is not the end of the world. Please be strong, don't be bitter to towards the court system. This is 'the state' - the iron authorities - but as a citizen you do have rights against the state. You do need to act quickly though to rely on them. After the next few days, write some questions - using some of the ideas I gave you in my last or previous posts, then call your solicitor to find out what you can do next. The court doesn't seem to have listened to your little daughter as she is clearly devastated that for the current time she cannot stay/ be with you. Do you have friends and family who can comfort you. Maybe treat yourself to a movie, or something nice. In the mean time take a break away from this forum thread (this website); you need to get your mind off this for at least a few days anyway. You're not helpless.. but you do need to take some time out. Right now I am suspecting your emotions are running high. You need some 'time-out' for yourself. Please take care. You will come through this.

[Daisyberwick]

Re: Child custody dispute

This is devastating. I've just had her on the phone crying a begging me desperately to go pick her up. It's utterly heartbreaking. I feel sick to the stomach and so very helpless

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

Hi. CAFCASS was against me in the end. I lost the battle. Thanks for all your help and advice. Can anyone tell me if I can appeal

Hello, Daisy

Sorry to hear of this set-back, try to view it as a set-back requiring another remedy rather than you 'lost the battle.' I know you probably feel terrible right now. I hope you have family and friends to support you, at this time. First things first, let's back-track. I presume you either had a domestic abuse hearing, or alternatively this Fact Finding Hearing didn't go well. Let's move to the last issue of your case, which was your daughter and her lawyer, guardian going before the judge to provide her opinion as to whom she wanted to live with. What was said or what was the effect of the hearing in the judge's chambers (judge's room)? Was your lawyer present, was your daughter's lawyer present? Were the questions being asked by the judge fair? Did this aspect go wrong, did your daughter say that she wanted to live with her father, or was she pressured into this through your ex husband's lawyer (was his lawyer present)? I am trying to breakdown the events that have caused you to believe, as you put it, "I lost the battle!"

Now, you also say the social worker's section 37 report - as you were aware of this previously - went against you. What did your lawyer think of the SW report, was he/ she critical of it, ie was there a cross examination of the SW by either your lawyer or your daughter's lawyer (Guardian)? Did you lawyer provide you with family court representation or just written or verbal advice instruction, for you 'day' at the court? Did you lawyer have enough time to decide on the questions to be presented at the family court, or challenge any unfair questions, as per family court procedure?

However, regarding CAFCASS officer's section 7 report, you appeared to suggest that this court representative would either initially be in your favour or not against you. So, what happened? What was so scathing about their section 7 report? What does your lawyer, or your daughter's lawyer think about these weaknesses that CAFCASS made reference to in their report?

Has the case entirely finished now? If you didn't have a fair hearing and your case has finished, you could potentially appeal within a 28 day window. More importantly, what is your lawyer's view regarding the weaknesses of your case as to why the 'first battle,' but not necessarily the war was lost? What is your lawyer's opinion/ view/ perspective, for moving forward, with a view to have access to your daughter? What exactly have you lost, are you saying your husband has been given sole custody to your ex husband owing to these domestic abuse allegations? Do you still have weekend/ holiday entitlement to have a relationship with your daughter? Did the social worker apply for a care order or, if not, inform the court the reasons for not doing so, as per the above document/ council practice for relevant situations such as yours?

[Crazy council]

Re: Child custody dispute

Hi. CAFCASS was against me in the end. I lost the battle. Thanks for all your help and advice. Can anyone tell me if I can appeal

Hi, you havent lost, whats important at the moment, is whatever factors used in the report ( instability, hitting etc etc ), get dealt with. Make sure the social services ( push them ) to help you overcome and deal with the circumstances that they have an issue with. The only way to deal with these at the stage your at, is to satisfy any issues that the social workers have.

I feel for you, as i know exactly how difficult this is,