Child contact process and delays.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

after having my little neices on the phone crying over the behaviour of their father, i cant tell you how much reading about a dad that just wants to make a fuss of his little girl.

CAFCASS in my experience are no use nor ornament, as when my neice stated the last thing she wanted to do was see her dad, the social worker woman said very patronisingly to a very streetwise 8 year old, Oh but think how SAD daddy would be not to see you, and how much FUN you are missing out on!

Personally being called a.. well due to having a nephew with learning disablilties I love desperatly, I refuse to repeat the names he calls her, I dont call than fun and being wanted. but that doesnt matter apparently.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Actually puff i was just on your topic and can see exactly where your coming from. There really are some people that should simply not be allowed near children. Ill happily be the fist to say that the larger proportion of these individuals are fathers.

Anyone verbally, physically or emotionally (or the other one) abusing a child should quite simply be banned from being in a childs presence. It seems that there are harsher punishments for driving like an idiot than potentially destroying a childs childhood.

I would love to be able to dive into the future to see how these horrible individuals live with themselves years on.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

well hun,

you can sleep easy, I have a vision of you in say 6 years time with your kids about you muck acting about (and i mean ALL your kids) and your grandkids being told my your daughter, My dad FOUGHT for me.. thats why hes so special..

oh and as I correctly told 4 friends they would not only marry within 6 months but that they were pregnant and the sex of their babies, theres a good shot im right!!

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Ok guys need some advice here.

How do i get Cafcass to see whats in front of their noses ?

There are more and more lies emerging and whats really bugging me is that Cafcass are not calling even questioning them.
Usually I wouldnt mind but the fact is I can 100% say that I have been nothing but honest.

Today my mother popped round to see my daughter with her birthday presents (from her and ones from me too). She started spewing out a load of
stuff that my mother already knew were lies and then the strangest thing happened. My mother spoke to my daughter alone and without going into
to many details, my daughter told my mother that she is not allowed to speak to me because her mommy gets very angry.

My mother uncovered this within 5 minutes. What are cafcass playing at? They have had 3 years and uncovered nothing.

What can I realistically do to help my child?

Thank you guys

[Kitiara]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Hi FTWMamuskills,

We have the same problem with my partners ex claiming that his son has never said that he wants to live with us, and we were worried that CAFCASS wouldn't take any notice of us telling them that it has been said many times to several different people (including his Mother). Our solicitor has advised us that everyone he has said this to, should do a written statement stating what was said and when, sign and date it (she has even said that we can have it witnessed by her) and present this in court, they cannot ignore written evidence, especially if it is witnessed by a solicitor (can't remember the official term for this type of document). We have statements from everyone he has told, he has even written a letter to our solicitor informing her of his wishes, which actually brought tears to her eyes.

We have also been told to keep a record of all the lies being told by his ex, and our evidence to refute them (I'm sure your probably already doing this, but it all helps as this builds a strong case to show how manipulative she can be), his ex has claimed their relationship broke down in 2007, we have the wedding booking correspondence showing they were due to get married in 2009 etc. If things are written down, its much harder for them to be ignored, than if they are just verbally refered to, thats what we have been told anyway - I guess the proof of that will be on Sept 18th went we go to court for the first hearing.

Good Luck

Kit

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Thankyou very much Kitiara.

Unfortunately deceptions within the family law system are huge. My stint of court hearings have now been going on for 3 years and every 3 months or so I meet with Cafcass to give my views and hear more and more lies from my ex. I wouldnt mind if they were partially credible but they really are not. The first one was the good old domestic violence accusation, she stated that I had beat her up and was arrested but she later dropped the charges. Ironically the police had no refernce to this incident and it was then further disproved after I evidenced that I was not even in the country at the time of the alleged attack. It followed with accusing me of not paying child maintenance (used on a number of occasions), disproved by CSA statements (which evidenced overpayment). The list goes on and on to be honest.

What really bugs me is that my daughter has given clear indications that her reluctance to participate in positive contact stems from her mother. She has told Cafcass that "Mommy will be angry if i see Daddy" and "Im really scared but I dont know why". There are many more of these but just those two statements alone should get Cafcass workers thinking about why a child is coming out with these statements, instead they ignore them and attribute it to the court process being too stressful.

I agree that custody/ contact battles can be extremely stressful, but this stress should not fall on the shoulders of children. A good parent in my opinion provides sufficient support and encouragement to a child/ children so that the whole process can be an effective way of engaging with both parents.

I have evidenced everything I possibly can and you are absolutely right, evidence on paper rather than spoken word hold alot of ground. Obviously the most frustrating thing is that I can see the damage being done to my child and the proffesionals that are supposed to break barriers are effectively failing my child.

[Kitiara]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Do CAFCASS ever speak to your daughter on her own, or does she always have someone with her? My Partners son is 9 and CAFCASS originally spoke to him in front of his Mum, he was very reticent and wouldn't really say much, they then asked his Mum to leave the room and spoke to him on his own, he was much more relaxed, especially knowing that no one could hear what he was saying. I know that CAFCASS are not allowed to "put words into the mouths" of the children, but our CAFCASS officer was really good, she realised that my Partners son was not going to volunteer information, but when asked specific questions, he was more than happy to say how he felt about certain things i.e. "how do you feel when Mummy doesn't let Daddy see you?"

I know each case is different, and I can only relate to what is happening in ours, we may just have been lucky (so far) with our CAFCASS officer, but if something is working for us in ours, maybe it could help in yours - and vice versa?

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

They have only managed to speak to my daughter without her mother there on one occasion, and that was when she said "mommy will get angry" ect ect. Since then her mother has point blank refused to leave the room. It is pretty obvious that she is worried about what our daughter may say, but Cafcass dont help themselves at all, they havent flagged any concerns despite how obvious everything is.

I know most Cafcass workers are great but i think we have been given the office clown.

[Kitiara]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

The fact that Mum refuses to leave the room should ring alarm bells with CAFCASS (although from what you have said, the bells would go along with the hooter and big red nose so they probably wouldn't even notice!) Is there any way you can raise your concerns regading CAFCASS's handling of your case, or maybe seeing if it can be looked at by a different officer? - I'm not sure how this all works so please forgive me if I am talking out of my backside or stating the obvious.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Hey guys, quick update. Court is adjourned until 18th September as my ex is unable to attend.

Got the Cafcass report today. ermmmmm. They are recommending no direct contact. Ill post a bit more info
here a little later but as per usual any contact centre notes have been omitted and my views have been amazingly
omitted from the report.

dont really know what else to write at this point

[leclerc]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Hey guys, quick update. Court is adjourned until 18th September as my ex is unable to attend.

Got the Cafcass report today. ermmmmm. They are recommending no direct contact. Ill post a bit more info
here a little later but as per usual any contact centre notes have been omitted and my views have been amazingly
omitted from the report.

dont really know what else to write at this point

I would suggest at this stage that you ask your solicitor whether an independent social worker report might be something worth considering. I would add that if the CAFCASS report is allowed to remain then the judge may well accept it in its entirety. I think that if you get the opportunity to put into evidence the supervisory contacts then I think that is important especially if they are positive. I would add that ultimately, even if the report is accepted that going forwards, in time, your daughter will eventually form her own views and it is important at this point in time to keep a dosier together NOW which may in time be something you will remember when you get the opportunity to fully explain everything to her at some point in the future. I hope that is ok for now....

I despise CAFCASS with a passion. They are independent Social Worker's paid by the case and sometimes provide deficient and unpalatable reports to the courts. Apologies to those people on here that may have a positive view but I never will have.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Leclerc; That is exactly what I needed. Thank you so much.

The "dossier" you mentioned is fully compiled. It contains all CSA statements, reciepts of purchase. Copies of every email and letter I have sent her and most importantly every shred of paper connected with the court process (including the attempts prior to court which included contact centre refused by her mother and also mediation which was again refused by her mother).

The contact centre actually mentioned and "independant assesment" could be a positive step (this was some time ago), Assuming that is along the same lines as an independant social worker report I feel that is most definately worth pushing.

The other thing i need to chase (again) is that the contact centre report has once again failed to materialise for the court or me. Cafcass do not mention the report at all in their own and only draw on my views very briefly before dedicating 70% of the report to my daughters mother and even more shockingly, my daughters views were only given one short paragraph.

I already know there are grounds for appeal as me and my solicitor have been recording all the factual errors contained in the mounds of Cafcass reports. I guess ill need to consult him as to whether an appeal is something worth considering or not.

[Nikolai]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Some CAFCASS officers shouldn't be allowed anywhere near children cases. I've actually seen them take sides in some cases - unbelieveable and totally unprofessional. Hopefully your solicitor will be able to point out the deficiencies (bias?) in the report to the judge at the hearing, and don't forget the CAFCASS officer can be called to give evidence in court, so your solicitor can ask pertinent questions on the content of the report.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Hiya Nikolai, Thank you for your message.

I have been re-reading the report non stop all morning.

There have been a number of statements/ sections in the report that have really screamed out at me.

1: When I met with Cafcass I explained that while having contact my child leads activities. She will decide what games are played and in a fashion actually dictates the "rules". I went on to state that this demonstrated the attitude of a child that was clearly comfortable to inteact whereas children simply engaging to keep someone happy tend to "follow the leader". (consulted with senior social services practicioner prior to providing Cafcass with this statement).

In the Cafcass report they actuall say that my daughter engages in this way and it is "out of character, which would show considerable emotional impact". Ironically further on in the report my daughters mother states the EXACT same thing, declaring that my daughter NEVER leads activities with anyone and relies on others at home to structure play.

Ironically Cafcass have chose to support and encourage this statement despite it being blatantly obsurd.


2: The report goes on to state that interactions only occur after considerable encouragement from my daughters mother. This is really shocking considering that 99% of the time she sits there in silence with the contact centre worker while I actually provide my daughter with the support and encouragement she so clearly needs. Annoyingly Cafcass do not mention and of my interactions or and encouragement I have given her.

3: The dreaded "I dont know" statement has returned. The report depicts a Cafcass workers interactions with my child. "When asked if XXXXX would like to continue to see her father XXXXX shook her head. When asked why she stated that she did not know why. She could not remember the sessions, when they took place or what she did with her father". (bold is an extract directlyfrom the report). I have begged Cafcass to take steps to uncover why my daughter constantly responds with "I dont know" ect. They have managed to ignore my pleas for 3 years now. Unfounded fears, inablility or refusal to interact with Cafcass/ professionals have all been attributed to ..... ME, without anything to actually prove it.

[Nikolai]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

This is a case for expert cross-examination of the CAFCASS officer at the hearing, to highlight the inaccuracies in the report. If your lawyers can cast enough doubt on the integrity of the report, that will give the judge the opportunity not to follow the report's conclusions. I say expert because challenging a CAFCASS report in this way has to be done in a sensitive manner so you don't appear to be attacking the court welfare officer (much as they may deserve it). All the best with this - you have been reasonable throughout and I hope the court recognises this.