Child contact process and delays.

[leclerc]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

FTW, glad things moved on and that the fact that your focus was on what is in the best interests of the child was taken into consideration. A further study recently has stated that the input of a father into their child's life can be paramount to their ongoing emotional health.
I think you had a good judge who clearly could see through the waffle of CAFCASS. Apologies if some people think they are wonderful but once you have dealt with them and seen the sort of stuff that they come up with first hand, then you will realise how badly that they can sometimes be.
I do think though that your ex does need to resolve the anger issues that she has with you because if she is like that with her child then she is damaging the child irrevocably and is not moving on with her own life and trying to be as a minimum, civil to you. I hope in the short term that the contact becomes better because the long term may be difficult otherwise....

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

thank you once again leclerc, you are once again the voice of reason and your imput has proved to be extremely valuable.

As agreed I attended the contact centre today and .......... well you all know how it goes. My daughter was upset, hiding her face ect and I talk her round then we have fun and she doesnt want the session to end. A few minor differences this time round though. We actually made it upstairs instead of staying downstairs and Mother did not interfere at all (which may sound daft but it made the world of difference). My daughter explained that Mommy got up late "again" (her words not mine) so she hadnt had breakfast, she said this happens alot so we agreed that next time we would go up to the cafe (200m from the centre) and have breakfast together. This was agreed by me, my daughter and the supervisor but not my daughters mother (the supervisor then reminded her that we could in fact do this with or without her consent so she eventually agreed).

Just to note: this is the first contact session we have had that has gone well without the presence of my daughters baby brother.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Sorry its been a while guys.

I have now had a second contact session (which yet again went well). I now await the third and final session which is scheduled to take place this weekend.
So as far as contact is going, it cannot really go any better with all things considered.

There are however a number of things baffling me at the moment.

1: Cafcass have still not made the contact centre report avaliable to me despite requests from both me and my solicitor.
2: The next court date has been set for 31st August 2012. This is 7 weeks after the final contact session will take place.

Is there anything i can do about this at all ?

[leclerc]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Sorry its been a while guys.

I have now had a second contact session (which yet again went well). I now await the third and final session which is scheduled to take place this weekend.
So as far as contact is going, it cannot really go any better with all things considered.

There are however a number of things baffling me at the moment.

1: Cafcass have still not made the contact centre report avaliable to me despite requests from both me and my solicitor.
2: The next court date has been set for 31st August 2012. This is 7 weeks after the final contact session will take place.

Is there anything i can do about this at all ?

Is it CAFCASS that give you the supervisory report or Social Services?

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Is it CAFCASS that give you the supervisory report or Social Services?

It is Cafcass, they are meant to attach a copy to their report when filing to the court but they failed to do this.
I have spoken to the contact centre about this and the centre manager informed me that it is actually down to Cafcass to get a copy sent to all parties.
I have been made aware that my Cafcass caseworker goes on annual leave ...... again for 4 weeks as of next week. When asking who will take over in her absence
I was kindly told that nobody would and I could speak to her upon her return which is 6th August 2012.

[leclerc]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

It is Cafcass, they are meant to attach a copy to their report when filing to the court but they failed to do this.
I have spoken to the contact centre about this and the centre manager informed me that it is actually down to Cafcass to get a copy sent to all parties.
I have been made aware that my Cafcass caseworker goes on annual leave ...... again for 4 weeks as of next week. When asking who will take over in her absence
I was kindly told that nobody would and I could speak to her upon her return which is 6th August 2012.

Are you or your solicitor going to make an official complaint? I know you want to keep them onside but your solicitor requires that report so perhaps the solicitor could be more forceful so to speak....

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I spoke to my solicitor yesterday, I explained that I want to do everything possible to co-operate with them so he is going to arrange a meeting with them to "discuss" the report (which would mean they will have to send one before hand apparently). So many thanks for your advice on this one.

Had what was meant to be my final contact session today. Waited in the room for an hour, the centre manager then came in to tell me that my daughter and her mother were at the top of the road and my daughter wouldnt bufge so they told them to head home. Absolutely nothing at all i could of done unfortunately. I waited for the supervisor to return (who went up the road to speak to my daughter), she told me that mom was doing all the communicating and my daughter would not even say a single word.

So now begins the 7 week wait to return to court without any additional contact sessions remaining. I am able to send emails but as usual phone calls are not answered at all.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

ok, update 2 weeks on.

Letter received from my ex partners solicitor (by way of mine). letter claims that CAMHS referal has been refused and contact is apparently going appaulingly bad.
Obviously the contact centre report will prove that contact actually went brilliantly but my big worry is that this report will be "forgotten" in court the same as last time which would mean my ex partners lies would go unchallenged yet again.

As far as the CAMHS referal i decided to call them, they explained all details of their acceptance criteria and agreed that my daughter should indeed be getting help from them. They went on to explain that they rely on information presented by parents and found it highly concerning that my daughters referal reason was stated as "court instruction with no underline symptoms". So this is something I can now act on.

Unfortunately it does look like i will not be getting another contact session until after 31st August.

If anyone at all can think of anything I could do please post, im rather lost at the minute, it seems my ex partner is free to fabricate events and is getting away with it all over again.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I am meeting with my solicitor next week to discuss these claims and to examine the contact centre report that has finally been sent over (many many weeks late).

Ohhhh and i forgot to mention, I met with Cafcass last week, not much to tell, they had not met my ex, my daughter and had no notes from the contact centre. I asked if i would have another opportunity to discuss preceedings and was simply told that the meeting at the time was my opportunity (despite the fact they had no information at all to discuss with me)

[leclerc]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I am meeting with my solicitor next week to discuss these claims and to examine the contact centre report that has finally been sent over (many many weeks late).

Ohhhh and i forgot to mention, I met with Cafcass last week, not much to tell, they had not met my ex, my daughter and had no notes from the contact centre. I asked if i would have another opportunity to discuss preceedings and was simply told that the meeting at the time was my opportunity (despite the fact they had no information at all to discuss with me)

CAFCASS, independent social workers reliant on the courts for work and yet they do not even do the basics, ie actually see your daughter and her mother despite being meant to be looking after the child's best interests......I daren't say they are useless but I think I might have, lol!!!

With regards to contact, solicitor to contact her solicitor to ask for contact which would be in the child's interest unless she is going away on holiday. Contact supervisors work throughout the summer months so that is no excuse. Contact centres do close for the summer which might be an issue but what about simply contact in the park with a supervisor which means she can play on the swings?

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

yeah that was pretty much my suggestion when asked by Cafcass, i said "activity based contact" would be the most viable way forward, i went on to joke that the lady from the contact centre can come along because she is "ace". I think i get so confused because my suggestions are always reasonable and are justified by contact centre reports ect and then come court day I always walk into my ex partner (as much as i hate to say) lying about factual events and getting away with it. Put another way, one of my biggest discussion points with my daughter (besides the magical world of disney) is her education, we discuss her subjects her friends and more recently some problems she has been having with a bully. On this basis i requested my daughters end of year school report so i can see how she is getting on academically. This has been refused as my ex-partners claims I have shown no interest in my childs education. This may seem like a minor thing, but the contact centre note my conversations which prove (along with my letters ect) that i have been following my daughters education as closeley as possible for a rather long time. These are the blatant lies my ex seems to get away with every time, cafcass seem unable to check the facts. It honestly feels like when they publish a report they simply copy and paste random statements and hope for the best.

[Kitiara]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Apologies for jumping in on a thread but just wanted to add my support to FTW!!

My Partner and I are currently going through a similar situation with his ex and 9 year old son (although ours has now progressed to a Residency request) his ex could well be related to FTW's ex ... we had the same problem with no access (had 5 months access out of 19 months), denied phone calls, lies and trumped up charges to the police, she even took him on a 3 weeks holiday to the US and didn't return for 5 months, marrying an "online friend" whilst she was out there (we now have a PSO in place to stop this happening again). We had to apply for, and was granted a Contact Order in April 2012, since then she has broken or "bent" this several times and hopefully this will be dealt with on our next court visit!

His son wants to live with us, he has told his Mum (although she has denied he has even mentioned living with us),CAFCAS, his Uncle, My Daughter - basically anyone that will listen to him that he wants to live with us, he has also written to our solicitor stating he wants to live with us - and his reasons why (his stepdad has hit him, they ignore him spending upto 16 hours a day on their computer games, meals are sporadic, often no breakfast as they are still in bed and the house is a compete pigsty etc). Our first Residency hearing is on 18th September - one of many I fear as his ex is not going to give up almost £500 per month in benefits easily.

My Partner, like FTW only wants what is best for his child, and I applaud FTW for his calm and sensible approach to obtaining this, it's not always easy to keep your cool when you can see what SHOULD be black and white is distinctly gray for the ones making the decisions. It does sound as if FTW's ex is using their Daughter as a weapon to get back at him for leaving, again similar to our situation, but a friend summed it up for us the other day saying "if she put as much energy into loving and caring for xxx as she does hating you, everyone would be happy!"

I wish you all the luck in the world FTW, your Daughter is lucky she has such a caring Dad, and if nothing else comes out of this, she will know as she gets older and understands more that you did all you could to ensure she had a stable upbringing and that you love her unconditionally!!

Remember - Good things come to those that wait!

[leclerc]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

yeah that was pretty much my suggestion when asked by Cafcass, i said "activity based contact" would be the most viable way forward, i went on to joke that the lady from the contact centre can come along because she is "ace". I think i get so confused because my suggestions are always reasonable and are justified by contact centre reports ect and then come court day I always walk into my ex partner (as much as i hate to say) lying about factual events and getting away with it. Put another way, one of my biggest discussion points with my daughter (besides the magical world of disney) is her education, we discuss her subjects her friends and more recently some problems she has been having with a bully. On this basis i requested my daughters end of year school report so i can see how she is getting on academically. This has been refused as my ex-partners claims I have shown no interest in my childs education. This may seem like a minor thing, but the contact centre note my conversations which prove (along with my letters ect) that i have been following my daughters education as closeley as possible for a rather long time. These are the blatant lies my ex seems to get away with every time, cafcass seem unable to check the facts. It honestly feels like when they publish a report they simply copy and paste random statements and hope for the best.

Are you not able to request school reports from the school? Or does it have to go through the solicitor?

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Kitiara many thanks for your post, and there is no need to apologise for jumping in, i welcome insights from all. Id rather have to much information to consider than not enough. Your 3rd paragraph really jumped out at me. There are so many proffesionals out there that really do fail to see things that are staring them in the face. Organisations are meant to stay neutral but it is difficult for them, that said they are the ones with the training, it is such a shame that so many are failing children across the country.

leclerc: To approach the school I must have parental responsibility or the consent of a resident parent. Unfortunately PR is still in negotiation stage and well as highlighted resident parent loves to deny any request. The denial was on the basis that "i hadnt shown any interest". Strange really because 80% of my letters ask about school, at contact we discuss school, subjects and other things. For example: she is part of the football team, loves art, is tryin really hard with her maths and more recently has had problems at school in the form of bullying from a little boy name Ryan. Hardly information someone would retain or even know without showing an interest.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Leclerc, thankyou for your post by the way