Child contact process and delays.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I did mean to say that the contact centre report is brilliant. It highlighted delays incurred and solutions to overcome them, progress made by me and my child (which was a great piece of reading) they recommended contact to continue in an engaging environment such as a cinema, bowling alley ect and a crucial aspect was to have the resident parent absent from contact sessions.

In addition they supported my suggestion of utilising CAHMS and also suggested that my ex's personal circumstances should be looked into as she seemed "unable to comply with the wishes of the court".

Sorry about the multiple post there

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Hiya everyone.

Court tommorow and i managed to get hold of the Cafcass report about 20 minutes ago.

Unfortunately my fears have become a reality. Cafcass has suggested to allow 3 additional contact sessions in a supervised manor but
on the understanding that if the sessions do not improve a "no contact" order must be considered.

I genuinely felt like i was reading someone elses report. The report was highly biased towards my daughters mother and managed to actually
generate sympathy for ignoring indirect contact and obstructing direct contact. They somehow managed to reduce to contact centres 6 month
report into 2 paragraphs which highlighted my daughters initial reluctance but failed to explain how i overcame them so often. They hinted that
it was her mothers "support" (despite my daughter having several violent outbursts at her mother). The verbal lashing i recieved was brushed over
quickly and then dismissed by cafcass.

I have now spoke to Cafcass on multiple occasions about utilising CAHMS ect and as usual it does not even appear in the report. Ironically
my daughters mother seems to have a word for word script featured where my 2 and a half hour meeting has been summarised in 3 lines
of text.

When comparing the Cafcass report to the contact centre report it is clear Cafcass have drawn their own conclusions and been happy to ignore
the imput of the people (contact centre staff) who have actually spent time with my child and indeed me.

Where do i stand ? Ok some interesting news in the media today ect but I am genuinely concerned over Cafcass half arsed (apologies for the profanity)
approach at this report. Can I do anything or am I just going to have to nod and smile to keep Cafcass and the court happy ?

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

FANTASTIC news!!

cant wait to hear of day trips, and fun times!

well done you

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Another positive contact today.

Initial reluctances as before (hiding head in chair ect). I have to be honest, I went in with very little fight left in me, but i spoke to my daughter softly and eventually she started to make "knocking" noises. She moved on to say 1 knock for yes and 2 for no. I built on this, read her a book and she started to interact. We played games happily and eventually went and played outside (just the two of us). All in all it was great.

I met with the supervisor and the contact centre manager after. They are extremely happy with the progress made and recommend activity based contact away from a supervised environment.

So there we go, Cafcass and the contact centre have some very opposite views. Hopefully they will see sense and read an agreement that truly reflects my childs best interests

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Many thanks leclerc, i am hipeful of a positive report in moving forward. On an even better note, i got a call from the contact centre this morning, I have a final contact session tommorow at 09:30. The centre manager also kindly informed me that they will be forwarding their report to Cafcass on Wednesday following this session as they thought it best to be able to file a 100% definitive report. I am meeting with her tommorow after contact as she wanted to review things with me. I responded with a sheepish "oh no have i done something wrong" to which she laughed and told me she would like to review the progress made so far. So thats really cheered me up along with all the comments made on here over time.

Finger crossed we can move forward with a chapperone service of some description. I feel if the blatant obstructions (ie the resident parent) are removed from contact participation the court/ Cafcass/ contact centre staff and indeed me will be able to establish a really difinitive resolution that follows "the best interests of the child" by allowing my daughter to interact with no fear of consequence and no pressure.

Ill update tommorow after contact and my meeting. Fingers crossed.

[leclerc]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

The information I am aware of about CAFCASS reports is that they can be very powerful tools in making the decision for a judge. I would add one word which is positive, most literature states that it is in the interests of the child to see their father and that is about identity. I have to say that unless you were a violent or sexual predator I would be surprised it there was anything other than a contact order. Breaches of contact orders can be very serious indeed so there should be no stupidity in this regards to it being enacted.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I feel the meeting did have many positive aspects. The Cafcass worker has clear concerns over my daughters emotional well being. The downside to this is that the Cafcass worker see's the problem as the whole process, indirect contact, direct contact, meeting with Cafcass ect. Now I actually agree that my daughter must have felt that she has been pulled from pillar to post. This is unfortunately where Cafcass seems to go out on a tangeant. Instead of wondering why my daughter gets upset and considering how we have made so much progress only to have some very suspicious setbacks crop up, they decide it must be everything OTHER than what happens behind closed doors.

I met with my solicitor today and discussed the meeting in as much details as humanly possible. He knows that the contact centre report is very good but worries about the Cafcass workers ability to "spot the signs". I know time will tell, i think im worrying more because I cant get the Cafcass report until the day before court so im flying blind not knowing what the Cafcass proposal will be. As much as i know the contact centre report is great i dont know how well Cafcass will report on it as they have left out some major details in the past.

I think deep down im more annoyed as I highlighted all of the obstructions i have been faced with (im great detail and evidenced) and the Cafcass workers response was "ohh well". As always i just wish i could be doing more than just playing the waiting game. Many thanks for your comments leclerc, I have been considering all the positive outcomes of the meeting more and more. Keep your fingers crossed for me ay

[leclerc]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Got to say that your focus on "what is in the best interests of the child" is the right approach because it shows you are not using your child as a weapon to beat your ex over the head with. That is very important. The supervisory reports are very important in showing that you are a good parent and will also show to an extent the problems you are facing in trying to ensure good contact with the child. It is a pain re the CAFCASS person but at least they read your notes and they can be cross referenced to the supervisory notes. I think it sounds like a positive meeting.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Im sorry, i meant to thank you both for your comments. They did indeed serve a purpose and i did as much as possible to keep Cafcass on side by looking for guidance where possible but without rolling over.

Anyway many thanks for your comments

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Be careful not to get on the wrong side of the CAFCASS Guardian ad litigem but stay 100% focused on the "interests of the child". Your best friend is supervisory reports which you need to use to your advantage as I am assuming it supports your case rather than anything else. I think being even slightly adversarial in the way you ask things will not help. It's better to state that you suggested x or y and you are not sure if that is being taken on board or whether they have decided not to continue with it and any reasoning behind that.

All CAFCASS workers are independent social workers deriving their income from the cases before the court. They think like a social worker and they act like one and we all know that sometimes they stick together. However, you have to try and keep on their side.

Well meeting today didnt go well at all. Before we got into things I explained that although I may vocalise one thing the practicality of it may be another and i kindly requested for the worker to educate me as i go, this was agreed happily.

The first blip came when the worker explained that my daughters usual worker had now left Cafcass and my daughter has refused to interact with the new worker. I explained that she had built a rapport with the previous worker and it was a shame as he genuinely was great with her (which i firmly beleive). My ex's comments from the workers notes were a little different with a "well she hates cominng here so it doesnt suprise me that she wont speak to you lot".

Blip number two arrived when the worker explained that she had not yet received the contact centre report so could not speculate on its effectiveness. I gave her my contact notes and told her i noted them down after each session to avoid typical memory problems. She agreed this was reasonable and went through my statements. She explained that they were extremely compelling but until she has the contact centre report she cannot comment.

Blip three, the worker kept speculating over the emotional effect the process has on the child. I agreed that it would and asked her to explain in her opinion the short and long term effects. She did so and i basically retold her story from a parents point of view and my interpretation of how i feel my daughter may see it. I proceeded to ask if
CAHMS could answer more questions than we could, she agreed but wondered whether (and i quote) "Is it really worth it?"

I went on to explain that further speculation would be inappropriate guess work given all the delays faced. We did agree that if the contact had been consistent we may be looking at a completely different picture but she seemed intent on avoidong any talk on reattempting contact. Despite me highlighting the reasons for missed contact and concrete proof that indirect contact had been blocked for six months she simply said "maybe emails could be a way forward for you and your daughter, if thats what she wants"

We finalised with her telling me all my ex's views and as usual they were simple derogitory remarks, refusal to cooperate and a blunt refusal to return to another contact centre. My answer to this was that I would not offer comment into my Ex in any way as my primary focus is my child and not to rub people up the wrong way. I did however ask what reassurance or encouragement mother is giving that they are certain is happening. She told me she was unable to answer that question

So there we go. I hate to say it but its not looking good unless Cafcass really reference the contact centre report well. I really got the impression that the Cafcass worker had her mind made up before we began. I know the contact centre report is brilliant, so when they get it, it may tip the balance but looking back on all the other reports there is a bible of information that has been left out of reports.

So keep your fingers and toes crossed

[Celestine]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Spot on Leclerc. Be extremely vigilant to keep Cafcass Officer on side. However, I suspect you will be very capable of putting your questions across in a non challenging manner.

[leclerc]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Be careful not to get on the wrong side of the CAFCASS Guardian ad litigem but stay 100% focused on the "interests of the child". Your best friend is supervisory reports which you need to use to your advantage as I am assuming it supports your case rather than anything else. I think being even slightly adversarial in the way you ask things will not help. It's better to state that you suggested x or y and you are not sure if that is being taken on board or whether they have decided not to continue with it and any reasoning behind that.

All CAFCASS workers are independent social workers deriving their income from the cases before the court. They think like a social worker and they act like one and we all know that sometimes they stick together. However, you have to try and keep on their side.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Thank you Celestine. Im going prepared with the following questions:

1: What can be done to minimise the constant delays / obstructions that have a clear
effect on my childs well being and emotional balance ?

2: How often does this occur with other families?

3: How can I best avoid further hostilities following the vebal tyrade at contact
on 21st April 2012 ?

4: What more could I be doing to assist my child and to help with the current
situation in general ?

5: At what point will the wishes and feelings of the children that should be in
my daughters life be taken into account ?

6: Why was my request for CAHMS intervention completely left out of the last
report ?

7: Why are malicious and unproven comments from the resident parent still making
their way into the reports ? Every report has contained an accusation or verbal dig
which is often unrelated to the case.

8: On behalf of Cafcass, what do you feel the best interests of my child are ? given
the timescale from the contact order being made and the fact that the 6 sessions are
still not yet complete almost six months later.

9: Could indirect contact be altered to e-mail? I am aware that my daughter uses
the internet regularly and this could provide more flexibility for her and also a
very easy way of responding.

10: I would like to follow my childs progress at school. How can you assist me
in doing this ?

11: On behalf of Caffcass, do you feel a change in residence and me offering
structured emotional support and encouragement to have meaningful contact with both
me and her mother could provide a long term solution for my child and also respect
her best interests ?

12: If contact is to be reattempted, would a chapperone service be avaliable along
with a befriending service to ensure sufficient encouragement and support is being
offered to my child ?

Along with my catalogue of interpretation my fingers are crossed that the Cafcass worker
is wearing her thinking cap

[Celestine]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

x GOOD LUCK x

:beagle:

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Cafcass meeting tommorow. Fingers crossed