Child contact process and delays.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

May I just say that your letter to John Hemming was absolutely excellent and very compelling to read.

I would also comment that your circumstance of being a loving parent to 3 step children and your impending wedding would be viewed as positive NOT negative, no matter how much mum tries to spin it into a negative aspect.

I fought a successful paternal residency case several years ago and the presence of step siblings was viewed positively. (Especially if same sex/age)

If I were in your shoes, I would view residency as a reasonable goal so long as the PAS can be limited. :tinysmile_cry_t:

I am holding out high hopes of CAHMS for assisting my daughter. One thing i have said to both Cafcass and the contact centre staff is:

"If i told my kids to jump off a cliff they would do it because they know i would be at the bottom to catch them and never let them be placed in danger"

In addition I asked why a "Resident Parent" cannot offer the same sentiment to my child in reassuring her about contact.

My kids do not have contact with there biological father as they literally came back from an overnight stay black and blue. In addition we discovered they had been left unsupervised for a long number of hours (the whole of simpsons season 1 was how it was discribed). However, they have said they would see him again providing i come with them.
We explained his actions were wrong, but despite wanting to kill him we still refrained from bad mouthing him.

Anyone with kids will understand that when an appropriate bond is in place you can realistically get your kids to do something with a bit of love and encouragement.

When my relationship began with my existing partner we were worried about the bonding with my eldest lad (daughter = 11, son = 10, son = 8 plus my daughter = 8) He is severely autistic and struggles to bond with new people. We clicked immediately and I worked with him with CAHMS to beat his night terrors. Needless to say I have a bond with these kids that cant be broken (and a court approved prental responsibility order that my partner wanted me to get should something ever happen to her).

Sorry about babbling with this, i seem to read posts and have mini flashbacks to specific events lately.

[Celestine]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

May I just say that your letter to John Hemming was absolutely excellent and very compelling to read.

I would also comment that your circumstance of being a loving parent to 3 step children and your impending wedding would be viewed as positive NOT negative, no matter how much mum tries to spin it into a negative aspect.

I fought a successful paternal residency case several years ago and the presence of step siblings was viewed positively. (Especially if same sex/age)

If I were in your shoes, I would view residency as a reasonable goal so long as the PAS can be limited. :tinysmile_cry_t:

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Just a quick note:

Contact centre supervisor (lovely lady) has told me that at the next contact session (the one that was cancelled) I could take my daughter out for the duration. She called earlier today to tell me she was still happy for me to do so but she needs to meet with me before hand as there are some points she wants me to discuss with my daughter (wouldnt say over the phone but wanted to give me the heads up).

Im looking at this as an extremely positive thing but should i be looking at this from any other angles. I dont want my contact dictated by a line of questioning but clearly want to do whatever it takes to support my child.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Oh absolutely. My daughter has told Cafcass that she spends alot of time with her Nan. Ironically her nan has 2 dogs, one is a german shephard so not a million miles of size difference from my chubby lab.

When i had contact at the Cafcass office my daughter brought 3 letters with her for me. (plus some haribo sweets that she "sneakeded" into the envelope) Letter one told me about school. Letter 2 was about disney movies (which we seem to discuss alot when given the chance) Letter 3 was a eerily adult themed thing that had entries such as "I hate Cafcass and look forward to having them out of my life" and "Im so sick of coming here". My lad is the same age and as apractical excercise i asked hime to do some creativ writing. Her statements were obviously not age appropriate and i suggested that they seemed dictated. Yet another thing Cafcass failed to act on. Glad i keep everything connected with my daughter.

[teaboy2]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

And i bet its her mother saying those words not the child!

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I wish to God we could print this thread out and shove it under the judges nose screaming GIVE HIM HIS DAUGHTER!!
in your last few posts my opinion of you has gone from strength to strength!

i would suggest you start mentioning your other kids (the word step in relation to kids is outlawed in my family) and ask when they will be allowed to meet their sister as you want to encourage a positive family atmosphere!

My kids made easter cards from her which i passed over at the last contact session. They included pictures inside. She quite openly said she remembered them but not by name. I often speak of them when i get the opportunity. I even talk about my big dopy labrador and she has asked me to buy a saddle so she can ride the dog to school.

This is the way she is when her mother is not around. After this we get reports that she does not want to interact with children she doesnt know and is petrified of dogs.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

FTW

Have you considered writing to your MP detailing everything that has happened and then last but not least asking him/her why it has taken over half your childs natural life for a court to decide whether you should have access to her, when it is your daugthers birth right to know and have access to her father? You can not tell me that all this is in my daugther's "BEST" interests as god only knows what mental impact this has had on her due to it lasting for so long!

I believe that question at the end of a detailed letter would have a very profound impact and maywell result in your MP getting involved and supporting your case. It may well also lead to the MP bringing the issue up in parliment too. Because if you ask me, what your daugther it being put through, which i accept is largely due to the mothers unwillingness cooperate with the courts and you, along with her excuses and lies, is an abosolute travesty. The judge really needs to pull her finger out and start putting her foot down and most off all, they need to start thinking about your daughter and the impact this is all having on her mental wellbeing as i can assure you, and no doubt you already know this, she will be mentally confused by all this! Ultimately the sooner this is all over and the sooner you have access to her the better.


If i was the judge i would rule her mother unfit and mentally abusive to the child and award you full custody mate!

Hiya matey,

Great idea on the mp, started the ball rolling on that one the other week. John Hemming is my local MP, if im completely honest he can be know for being a bit of a moron (yes he is the guy that breached a super indunction in the house of commons and his wife stole a kitten from his mistress). He is also however known for his hatred of Cafcass failings.

I am currently awaiting an appontment to see him and will see if i can get him onside. We have met before and he kindly presented me with a community award for my work. Fingers crossed even if he cant do to much just a letter of support could be a bit of a help.

Response below:

think you would be best coming to see me at some stage with the Cafcass reports. What you are experiencing is not unusual.

----- Original Message -----
From: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
To: hemmingj@parliament.uk
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2012 10:55 PM
Subject: Cafcass Viewpoint


[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Dear Mr Hemming;[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']I thought it appropriate to contact you for some advice or alternatively your views on Cafcass. I have previously contacted you for support with issues arising from Birmingham City council, which were resolved thanks to your intervention.[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']I am a 28 year old Male who resides in Yardley and grew up in sheldon. I live with my partner and 3 children, one of which suffers with Autism. Over the past 2-3 years I have been going through a child contact battle after my own daughter’s mother halted contact that needless to say has seen no end of delays out of my control.[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Obviously I am unable to disclose specific aspects of Cafcass reports as they are deemed confidential, however to put things very simply Cafcass seem to collate views of events and never seem to have the confidence to voice concerns or investigate issues. My daughter and I have recently been fortunate enough to spend time together through a contact centre and although the staff are very professional and nice, there seems to be no consequences for my daughter’s mother skipping every other contact session (which obviously causes further setbacks in rebuilding my relationship with my child), Cafcass have clearly disregarded this information on the report they issued earlier this week. I personally consider this to be an appalling way to respond to a court order and feel it has showed a clear disregard for my daughters long term well being. I am now at a point where Cafcass have actually recommended further delays because the missed attendance needs to be made up. I can live with this but I worry that this will have a long term effect on my daughter’s emotional well being.[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']I strongly suspect that my daughter is a victim of PAS (parental alienation syndrome) and although this is not officially recognised in courts the symptoms cannot be ignored. I have raised this issue on a number of occasions with Cafcass which has also included a request for CAHMS to spend time with my daughter but my concerns always seem to be omitted from the final reports. I have consulted with foster carers and other relevant professionals and explained my daughter’s characteristics; they have all reached the same conclusion that there is a very strong likelihood that my daughter’s emotional actions are a result of actions/ inactions that occur at her home or from those she is in frequent contact with.[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']I do have a strong case moving forwards and every report has proven to be advantageous to me as I have always shown commitment, consistency and diplomacy and more recently I have shown a clear and unquestionable rapport with my child, however my concerns lie with my daughters well being. My solicitor is along to provide a contact solution and is doing his job extremely well and Cafcass are meant to be along to support my daughter but I simply feel they are not providing her with enough support and consistency to make a real breakthrough with her. Is there anything I can do to support or assist Cafcass thereby helping my daughter?[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']In closing, I know court processes can be long and arduous and if it was simply a case of sitting tight and wait for a result I would be happy to do so. Unfortunately this is not the case and I feel Cafcass are not “putting children first” in my daughters case. Quite simply they seem to fearful to rock the boat a little and really work with my daughter to find out what she really is experiencing. If at all possible I would really appreciate any insight you may have into Cafcass and any other useful information you may feel to be appropriate. [/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Many thanks for taking the time to read this lengthy email.[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']King Regards [/FONT]

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

well said teaboy...

WriteToThem - Email or fax your Councillor, MP, MEP, MSP or Welsh, NI, London Assembly Member for free

to contact your local MP.

[teaboy2]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

FTW

Have you considered writing to your MP detailing everything that has happened and then last but not least asking him/her why it has taken over half your childs natural life for a court to decide whether you should have access to her, when it is your daugthers birth right to know and have access to her father? You can not tell me that all this is in my daugther's "BEST" interests as god only knows what mental impact this has had on her due to it lasting for so long!

I believe that question at the end of a detailed letter would have a very profound impact and maywell result in your MP getting involved and supporting your case. It may well also lead to the MP bringing the issue up in parliment too. Because if you ask me, what your daugther it being put through, which i accept is largely due to the mothers unwillingness cooperate with the courts and you, along with her excuses and lies, is an abosolute travesty. The judge really needs to pull her finger out and start putting her foot down and most off all, they need to start thinking about your daughter and the impact this is all having on her mental wellbeing as i can assure you, and no doubt you already know this, she will be mentally confused by all this! Ultimately the sooner this is all over and the sooner you have access to her the better.


If i was the judge i would rule her mother unfit and mentally abusive to the child and award you full custody mate!

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I wish to God we could print this thread out and shove it under the judges nose screaming GIVE HIM HIS DAUGHTER!!
in your last few posts my opinion of you has gone from strength to strength!

i would suggest you start mentioning your other kids (the word step in relation to kids is outlawed in my family) and ask when they will be allowed to meet their sister as you want to encourage a positive family atmosphere!

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I appreciate all of your comments.

One thing occured to me this morning. One of the claims made against me was that I had 3 other children my daughter didnt know. I explained to the court that yes i did have 3 other children, they are my partners kids and i was proud to say i looke at them as my own, furthermore my daughter had met these children and i produced photos of her playing with them.

This is happily dealt with, but to be completetly honest one thing that bugges me is that these kids have not been mentioned since. I thought Cafcass put "children first", surely leaving 3 children wondering when they will se there soon to be sister is just plain wrong?

What are your views on this?

[Bill-K]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I feel that was karma catching up with her after bragging she brought her fella a car with CSA money.

Take some comfort that she will be her own undoing.....

I suspect you would actively encourage your daughter to have a positive relationship with her mum, if you won residency of your daughter.
Whereas your ex is doing the polar opposite.

Don't set your sights too low.

This isn't my area of knowledge, but I really feel it would be an absolute travesty if this poor girl was left to the tender mercies of her mother. This must surely be resolved before the poor kid is damaged beyond repair, too. Time is of the essence. If justice is to prevail, then decency must be recognised by the courts, IMHO.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Great advice there Spot On.

FTW You said that you felt "Dads didn't have a chance of winning residency".

I disagree, times are changing and moving on.

It is all about who will support the child in his/her relationship with the 'absent' parent.

I suspect you would actively encourage your daughter to have a positive relationship with her mum, if you won residency of your daughter.
Whereas your ex is doing the polar opposite.

Don't set your sights too low.

Having residency of my daughter really would make my life perfect. And yes I would deffinately encourage her to maintain a relationship with her mother.

Looking forward, when court is all over and done im sure games will be played to avoid contact. I guess residence is something to give some thought to and act on if the mother doesnt alter her way of doing things soon.

Wouldnt it be lovely if i child could spend 6 months with 1 parent and 6 months with another (with contact from the other parent to) then allow the child to choose who she resides with or indeed shared residency. If i thought walking away would give my daughter the best life i would do it. The fact is i feel without me in her life she will miss out on the love and support of having 2 parents.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Unfortunately in these cases it can become a bit he said she said, so resist being personal about her in any statements. Are you funding this?? I would imagine if this was legal aid the Judge would wanting a conclusion soon.

Take some comfort that she will be her own undoing.....

I wish you luck

Thank you very much for your post. I understand the tit for tat comments can become damaging. I really wish i could copy all the Cafcass reports on here. Despite personal views I have never said a bad word about my daughters mother. I instead rely on being tactful, for example when contact is missed i dont play the blame game i explain how i feel and explain how i feel the delay will effect my daughter (cancelled plans ect feeling let down). There is not a single bad word said about the mother in any report.

I am getting married in August which incidently is my daughters birth month. When I attended court in November the judge openly said that it would be a lovely sentiment to have my daughter at the wedding and will do all in her power to ensure that it happens. Unfortunately I feel this has spurred the latest batch of delays.

Funding wise, it is unfortunately a tax payer funded initiative, I wish it wasnt but long story short I became self employed and freelance for agencies that assist susbtance abusers, alcoholics and people with disabilities to reintegrate woth society and sucessfully source employment. The downside to this is 75% of my work ends up being done voluntarily but i wouldnt change it for the world.

[Celestine]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Great advice there Spot On.

FTW You said that you felt "Dads didn't have a chance of winning residency".

I disagree, times are changing and moving on.

It is all about who will support the child in his/her relationship with the 'absent' parent.

I suspect you would actively encourage your daughter to have a positive relationship with her mum, if you won residency of your daughter.
Whereas your ex is doing the polar opposite.

Don't set your sights too low.