Child contact process and delays.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Absolutely. We live in a society that demads equality. Regardless of Gender, religion, sexual preference and others, people have the right to be parents.

It should not matter who you are. If you are the more suitable person then you should be selected. This should reflect in jobs, residence of children and just about everything else.

I am not a sexist so please dont be offended by this but: women have demanded equal rights since an initial proposal in 1923. Although society still fails to conform to this women are becoming more increasingly recognised through employment/ career routes and payscales. Surely with this reflection a man should have equal rights to being a parent.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

i resemble that comment Bill :P

but seriously the day the world realise that dads can do a mams job.. the better!!

[Bill-K]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

LOL, Puff - you're one of the softest hard-nuts I've come across !!!

The scrapbook sounds brilliant - and so simple. "A picture paints a thousand words," as they say.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

yeh i have an autistic godson and the scrapbook approach helped him accept the change of becoming an elder brother.

On a personal note, I think Jess is right, you only needed a shot of hope and encouragement to show you that you can take care of your daughter as well as her mam.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Bill, if you could see me now, tears of pride streaming down my face!

Jess read the thread and said Aunty, I have to to that, he sounds so much like Dad there!

On the proud aunty bit, Jess is studying for her alevel in math so she can become an accountant when shes older, and has asked her dad to lend her (yes, she fully intends to pay him back) £100 so she and her boyfriend can put a deposit on a 2nd hand car!

I showed her the thread so she could pick her dads brains about his experiences etc and she read it and said, hes got a good case, he just needs a bit of hope and a kick up the bum!! (her words not mine). She did have my permission to post on my account, but I hadnt got a clue what she wrote, made me promise not to read it till she got a reply.

I am a very proud aunty, and Jay is a insanely proud dad. He says to FTW, grab every second you can with your daughter, and in the meantime, make a scrapbook of things her brothers and sisters are up to, then when you meet up you can show her them to help with the inital shyness.. kinda like remember when X walked the dog.. or Y brushed the cat.

He had social services visits, Jess was at risk for a short time because of her mother, an now he is waiting patiently for his invitation to her graduation ceremony, if only to tease her about the motar boards.

He says the best advice he was ever given was by his mum, it was as long as the kids are happy, fed and warm, your doing a great job! Dont give up hope hun, one day society will realise, Dads need their kids as much as their kids need dads!

Love and hugs to you all

P

Love the "scrapbook" Idea. Never really thought about it. Obviously I have mounds of photos but the scrapbook concept is brilliant. I guess the more you can paint a picture in someones mind the easier it is to accept things and move forward.

Thank you so much

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Bill, if you could see me now, tears of pride streaming down my face!

Jess read the thread and said Aunty, I have to to that, he sounds so much like Dad there!

On the proud aunty bit, Jess is studying for her alevel in math so she can become an accountant when shes older, and has asked her dad to lend her (yes, she fully intends to pay him back) £100 so she and her boyfriend can put a deposit on a 2nd hand car!

I showed her the thread so she could pick her dads brains about his experiences etc and she read it and said, hes got a good case, he just needs a bit of hope and a kick up the bum!! (her words not mine). She did have my permission to post on my account, but I hadnt got a clue what she wrote, made me promise not to read it till she got a reply.

I am a very proud aunty, and Jay is a insanely proud dad. He says to FTW, grab every second you can with your daughter, and in the meantime, make a scrapbook of things her brothers and sisters are up to, then when you meet up you can show her them to help with the inital shyness.. kinda like remember when X walked the dog.. or Y brushed the cat.

He had social services visits, Jess was at risk for a short time because of her mother, an now he is waiting patiently for his invitation to her graduation ceremony, if only to tease her about the motar boards.

He says the best advice he was ever given was by his mum, it was as long as the kids are happy, fed and warm, your doing a great job! Dont give up hope hun, one day society will realise, Dads need their kids as much as their kids need dads!

Love and hugs to you all

P

[Bill-K]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I just want to say "good on you," Jess. You do seem like one magnificent young lady, and whatever damage the world has tried to do to you - you seem to have withstood it admirably.

Thank you for your words of encouragement to others here.

Bill.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

ty FTW, its puff here, me and Jay are incredibly proud of Jess, shes our star.
I will pass your comments on to her dad who will be delighted you feel that way. Good luck hun

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Dear FTW,

My name is Jess and I am Puffrose' neice, I'm 17 and Aunty asked me to read this as I am from a single father family. My dad raised me alone from the age of 8 hours, when my mother told the hospital my dad could care for me, or i could go in to care, they could drown me what did it matter?

I have read everything you have said and want you to know, from the child point of veiw, yes there have been difficult times only having a dad, there are things a girl can only tell a woman, but I have my nan and my aunts for these times, and Dad seemed to know anyway.

If you are granted full custody, and I have read your posts it would be a crime for you not to, the only advice I would give you is, be honest with her, and don't feel offended if she goes to your partner or her Nan for advice, as i say sometimes a girl needs another woman.

I would not trade a minute of one day I had with Dad, yes hes had girlfriends but we have always had each other no matter what, and when my sisters arrived he treated as all as equals.

Recently my "mother" contacted him and admitted I am not his biological daughter, and Dad has offered for me to do a DNA test to see if i can find my "father". I am not interested, a dad is the man that loves and raises you, not the one who dipped his wick as we say in Manchester.

The CSA contacted dad about payments to my mother, as he said Jess lives with me, chase her mother for payments to me, they never contacted him again.

I am 100% behind you not only gaining access but gaining custody, i've never known a mother, but you sound a lot like my dad.. and i had the best childhood ever..
Hope this spurs you on, and you know your not alone..

Jess

Jess; Thank you very much for your lovely message. It really has made my day. Its so nice to see how so much positivity has come out of an initial very negative situation. I think your Dad an I may well be very much alike with the attitude towards DNA. DNA doesnt determine love and a sense of responsibility towards a child or indeed anyone else its a natural thing, however much respect to your Dad offering to support you in finding your biological "donor" if you wanted. Its clear you have a great relationship together.

I think im fortunate to have known my partner for my whole life and fongers crossed we will stay together for the rest of it. She has been nominated for birds and the bees talks and hiding the truth from me when the kids are older and come home drunk ect.

You really have made me look to the future a bit here. Thank you so much..... im grinning like an idiot now and sincerely hope that my children will grow up with similar moral fibre to you as that would make me very proud.

thanks again

[wales01man]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

WOW
What a level headed young lady puff your brother should be proud of her hope she carries this attitude through life
all the best to her and her father

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Dear FTW,

My name is Jess and I am Puffrose' neice, I'm 17 and Aunty asked me to read this as I am from a single father family. My dad raised me alone from the age of 8 hours, when my mother told the hospital my dad could care for me, or i could go in to care, they could drown me what did it matter?

I have read everything you have said and want you to know, from the child point of veiw, yes there have been difficult times only having a dad, there are things a girl can only tell a woman, but I have my nan and my aunts for these times, and Dad seemed to know anyway.

If you are granted full custody, and I have read your posts it would be a crime for you not to, the only advice I would give you is, be honest with her, and don't feel offended if she goes to your partner or her Nan for advice, as i say sometimes a girl needs another woman.

I would not trade a minute of one day I had with Dad, yes hes had girlfriends but we have always had each other no matter what, and when my sisters arrived he treated as all as equals.

Recently my "mother" contacted him and admitted I am not his biological daughter, and Dad has offered for me to do a DNA test to see if i can find my "father". I am not interested, a dad is the man that loves and raises you, not the one who dipped his wick as we say in Manchester.

The CSA contacted dad about payments to my mother, as he said Jess lives with me, chase her mother for payments to me, they never contacted him again.

I am 100% behind you not only gaining access but gaining custody, i've never known a mother, but you sound a lot like my dad.. and i had the best childhood ever..
Hope this spurs you on, and you know your not alone..

Jess

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I think the point you make is a very real issue. Unfortunately a reform is something the government seem scared to do. After all, the CSA has been deemed "not fit for purpose" on many occasions.

There should at least be an option for Non resident parents who endeavor to support children and be in their lives to buy things for their child instead of having wages reduced and handed directly over to someone whom has no intention of spending the money on a child.

Items that a non resident parent could purchase:

Nappies
School Uniforms
Clothing (general)
School trips
Bedroom furniture

The list goes on and on.........

I wish you luck in supporting your son. Iam glad his parenthood is returning to him and wish you both the best

[valeriej43]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

It has been a long wait for my son, and he would have been a better parent for the boy as they were very close, but the children usually work it out for themselves when they are old enough, and the son is much happier now, had a mother who showed no affection to him and his brother, and yet she has gone short of nothing, he didnt even get pocket money,and was left at home when she went on holiday
Since the CSA was formed, Fathers are in general existing on what they have left after paying high rents, for not very nice accommodation, while the mothers are often much better off, with rent etc paid, besides other benefits
The fathers dont have any living expenses taken into consideration, at all,it is purely taken on the gross wage,
As i have said in another post, i have written to Nick Clegg about the CSA i got a letter back saying they have passed my letter to the DWP as they deal with it, so waiting to hear from them, [if ever] but surely the Government make these rules not the DWP, ,
I will be writing again this week, or might go further,
I am a pensioner, truing to help my son out, should be the other way round, they are disgusting, criminals

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I have complete understanding of your situation, but karma will win out in the end i am sure
My son had the same situation as you have, and hasnt seen his 2 boys for years because of all the hassle and lies on his ex partners side, also its very annoying when fathers are made to pay the CSA for children they cant see because the resident parent makes it so difficult,
If that parent was told no access, no money, i am sure they might think twice
However, my sons eldest contacted him on facebook,and has now moved in with his father, [aged 15] and the abuse he has had from his mother is now coming out, going on holiday and leaving him alone, ,locking him out, etc just because she was in a bad mood, he hates his mother and is not bothered if he ever sees her again, thats Karma

These situations occur far to often for the courts to ignore. Its an unfortunate fact that many mothers simply look forward to CSA pay day and its a shame for those that are in a genuine position and need the money (where fathers dont see children for genuine reasons ie abuse ect)

The way judiciary is in a complicated position with so many mothers tarnishing fathers with the "deadbeat dad" brush and indeed fathers using the "unfit mother" approach it is no wonder that court processes take so long and organisations fail those who genuinely need help as a result of this.

It is no secret that the non resident parent which in 99% of cases is the father end up being judged so harshly by people that assume wild accusations are accurate.

The no access, no money rule would be a great one to implement but stringent ways of monitoring it would need to be implemented. Im glad your son is finaly seeing karma do justice.

[valeriej43]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I have complete understanding of your situation, but karma will win out in the end i am sure
My son had the same situation as you have, and hasnt seen his 2 boys for years because of all the hassle and lies on his ex partners side, also its very annoying when fathers are made to pay the CSA for children they cant see because the resident parent makes it so difficult,
If that parent was told no access, no money, i am sure they might think twice
However, my sons eldest contacted him on facebook,and has now moved in with his father, [aged 15] and the abuse he has had from his mother is now coming out, going on holiday and leaving him alone, ,locking him out, etc just because she was in a bad mood, he hates his mother and is not bothered if he ever sees her again, thats Karma