Child contact process and delays.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Ok here we go.... my first thread.

Where to begin ay, ermmm ok from the start.

My daughter was born in 2004 and at the time I was still with the mother. Unfortunately we seperated two and a half years later. Initially she allowed me to see my child as often as I liked which was brilliant. Then unfortunately when she realised there was no way we would get back together (6 months later) she started to halt contact.

Every time i mentioned court ect she amazingly allowed contact up until 3 years agom where she said if i went through court she would accuse me of being everything under the sun. Not letting this phase me i instructed a solicitor and this is where it really began.

Initially she one upped me and i got a letter from her solicitor advising that I could see my child in a contact centre. I happily agreed to this as i really didnt care where it was i just wanted to see my kid. 3 months later I get a notification that she has refused to attend the contact centre.

The next step was mediation (were now at about 6 months). I attended, got spoke to like crap for two hours and then a month later got a letter from them advising me that she had refused to attend mediation.

So after this we had to make an application to court. I had to wait 5 months for the first hearing. First hearing commences and as you would expect Cafcass brought in to meet child, indirect contact by way of letters awarded (i have sent one weeky even up to the present).

Months later I get a call and attend Cafcass. They tell me that my ex has accused me of being an alcoholic (i dont drink at all) drug addict (think not) violent (im 5 ft 6 and weigh as much as a bag of sugar) and that police had detailed files about a number of crimes i had commited (yeah right). On this basis interim contact was advised against and at the next hearing we gained an adjourment following police safeguarding checks.

Suprise suprise safeguarding checks come back clear with not a single blip. My employer intervenes to explain that my job is supporting people who drink and do drugs and happily passed on my random fluid test results (which have always been clear for many years). So over the further delays I disproved all comments made.

Moving forward indirect contact was increased to include phonecalls, 4 months later she hadnt answered a single call and out of the blue I get a solicitors letter advising me she would be staying in hspital for the duration of a pregnancy (3 more months) and i had to cease contact. To my suprise several photographs emerged proving she was in fact not in hospital at all bu Cafcass chose to ignore this information.

So back to court we go and yet another adjournment so phonecall contact can be reattempted. 3 months later she starts to answer calls and i begin speaking to my daughter which was great. I continued sending letters also.

So with progress made we returned to court and I was awarded 2 contact sessions at Cafcass. First session didnt go to well my daughter was scared of the Cafcass officer and refused to go into the office so i ended up speaking to her on the phone for an hour and a half. Second session went brilliantly and the Cafcass report reflected this.

Ok so back to court again. 6 supervised contact sessions awarded (November 2011). Lets put it this way, that was six months ago and i have only had 3 sessions. every other session has been cancelled with really trivial excuses. I was back in court today and the court have adjourned for an additional 3 months. What did concern we was the statement "6 months for 3 sessions is awful but with this trend i had better allow sufficient time for the remaining 3 sessions to take place".

Additional details to consider:
I have never had a response to any letters i have sent.
Cafcass has proposed my ex takes my daughter to CAHMS before it becomes court ordered.
All false claims made about me have been disproven and i have documentary proof of this.
Telephone calls (indirect contact) have not been answered for the past 5 months.
there are no single derogatory remarks made on a cafcass report from me about the childs mother.
My daughter has responded well to calls and contact and has expressed the desire to progress further.

So there you go. My story.

My main concern is that the "resident parent" is obstructing every court order made and has caused some very serious delays. Is she free to do this or will they actually at some point call her on these blatant attempts to drag the process out?

Any advice is appreciated.

Many Thanks

[Celestine]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Good Grief! You poor poor thing.

You sound so patient and measured. You haven't actually said anything derogatory about your ex; which is usually a difficult issue.

How old is your daughter now?

As you have now realised sadly, this is a long LONG process. The Family Courts in this country are an absolute disgrace. The delays and ease with which a hostile parent can thwart access is shocking and clearly HIGHLY damaging to the child, who the Court is meant to enshrine at the heart of this ridiculous process.

So, you are merely applying for access, not residency or shared residency at least?

Look, I'm not sure if there is much you can do to speed things up, but it looks like her game playing days are numbered. She is running out of excuses and the Cafcass officers are meant to be wary of this behaviour by her.

Eventually her behaviour will veer into breach of an order. Her arrogance will trip her up.

Are you involved with Families Need Fathers?
Families Need Fathers

Absolutely fantastic support and advice.

Is your solicitor any good btw? In Family cases, I have observed solicitors 'settling in' and raking in fees for exchanging hostile letters with the other side.

Good luck xx

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

firstly can i say how cool it is to read a dad that so obviously adores his kid!

I would suggest having your solicitor send hers a letter with the terms of the access agreement, politely reminding her of her responsiilties, and reminding her you will be complaining to Cafcas if the agreement is continually breached.

Then contact Cafcas again and remind them that you are not seeing your child. Also I suggest have a printout of all the money you have given her for you child, as there are cases of mums withholding access as they "havent had maintainance"

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

firstly can i say how cool it is to read a dad that so obviously adores his kid!

I would suggest having your solicitor send hers a letter with the terms of the access agreement, politely reminding her of her responsiilties, and reminding her you will be complaining to Cafcas if the agreement is continually breached.

Then contact Cafcas again and remind them that you are not seeing your child. Also I suggest have a printout of all the money you have given her for you child, as there are cases of mums withholding access as they "havent had maintainance"

Hi there, letters have been exchanged back and forth. The most recent cancellation (Saturday) she stated that her solicitor told her not to attend contact until after court. This was raised in court and her solicitor denied this claim. It was a good job the contact centre documented this excuse and forwarded it to my solicitor.

As for moneys paid. I have already been the victim of the "hes a deadbeat dad" statement. My response was very simple. I called the CSA whom sent me statements. Best call ever as they owed me over £800 back from over payments. My solicitor forwarded copies of the statements and the overpayment letter to her solicitor. I feel that was karma catching up with her after bragging she brought her fella a car with CSA money.

In addition at my last Cafcass appointment i went in and clearly shown them a pattern of absence from her. They left this out of the report amazinlgy but my solicitor doesnt ming disrupting things and flagged this up in court. In addition the last report they issued stated "she told him he was the reason she didnt like the contact centre" After weeks of debating with Cafcass they admitted it was an author error and should have read "she told him he was not the reason she did not like the contact centre" Tiny mistake that could have had damaging consequences.

My daughter will be 8 years old in August.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Good Grief! You poor poor thing.

You sound so patient and measured. You haven't actually said anything derogatory about your ex; which is usually a difficult issue.

How old is your daughter now?

As you have now realised sadly, this is a long LONG process. The Family Courts in this country are an absolute disgrace. The delays and ease with which a hostile parent can thwart access is shocking and clearly HIGHLY damaging to the child, who the Court is meant to enshrine at the heart of this ridiculous process.

So, you are merely applying for access, not residency or shared residency at least?

Look, I'm not sure if there is much you can do to speed things up, but it looks like her game playing days are numbered. She is running out of excuses and the Cafcass officers are meant to be wary of this behaviour by her.

Eventually her behaviour will veer into breach of an order. Her arrogance will trip her up.

Are you involved with Families Need Fathers?
Families Need Fathers

At present I am only applying for contact/ Access. I would love nothing more than to have my little girl here full time. We have a bedroom decorated and ready just for her. Unfortunately the cruel fact is that fathers have very little chance of gaining residence. The only chance I would have is if Cafcass brought in pycologist (sorry about the spelling, im tired) or CAHMS uncover something (which in all honesty i feel may happen, but in many ways hope it doesnt)

I dont want to see her behind bars or anything like that. She is after all the mother of my child. But it would be nice if something could happen to enforce court orders.

Maybe a chaperone for contact ect.

Thank you both for your posts they have been most reassuring.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

[quote=

I dont want to see her behind bars or anything like that. She is after all the mother of my child.



bless you for that! this confirms my theory that some single dads are better than the mams!

[Sapphire]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I dont want to see her behind bars or anything like that. She is after all the mother of my child.

What a lovely man you are, but never the less, this woman is guilty of lying to the solicitor and court, she is cold, heartless, mean and uncaring and incredibly shallow, by denying a child access to their father without very good reason, some mothers are in my opinion guilty of child abuse.

[so foolish]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

How awful. Through my work i am regularly involved with Section 8 orders and am more than aware of the games parents can play. I am a social worker and i have to say i spend lots of time investigating these sorts of claims. It unfortunate that your CAFCASS worker does not do the same. I do believe that your ex's days are numbered, however this is at your daughters expense she must be so confused.

My advice is to report every time she cancels or violates an order to your solicitor and to CAFCASS, don't be afraid to make make a fuss. Possibly change solicitor, i think think the point of 'child's welfare is paramount' should be noted here. She is already 8 years old and needs to know that dad is there and loves her and wants to spend time with her.

Unfortunately in these cases it can become a bit he said she said, so resist being personal about her in any statements. Are you funding this?? I would imagine if this was legal aid the Judge would wanting a conclusion soon.

Take some comfort that she will be her own undoing.....

I wish you luck

[Celestine]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Great advice there Spot On.

FTW You said that you felt "Dads didn't have a chance of winning residency".

I disagree, times are changing and moving on.

It is all about who will support the child in his/her relationship with the 'absent' parent.

I suspect you would actively encourage your daughter to have a positive relationship with her mum, if you won residency of your daughter.
Whereas your ex is doing the polar opposite.

Don't set your sights too low.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Unfortunately in these cases it can become a bit he said she said, so resist being personal about her in any statements. Are you funding this?? I would imagine if this was legal aid the Judge would wanting a conclusion soon.

Take some comfort that she will be her own undoing.....

I wish you luck

Thank you very much for your post. I understand the tit for tat comments can become damaging. I really wish i could copy all the Cafcass reports on here. Despite personal views I have never said a bad word about my daughters mother. I instead rely on being tactful, for example when contact is missed i dont play the blame game i explain how i feel and explain how i feel the delay will effect my daughter (cancelled plans ect feeling let down). There is not a single bad word said about the mother in any report.

I am getting married in August which incidently is my daughters birth month. When I attended court in November the judge openly said that it would be a lovely sentiment to have my daughter at the wedding and will do all in her power to ensure that it happens. Unfortunately I feel this has spurred the latest batch of delays.

Funding wise, it is unfortunately a tax payer funded initiative, I wish it wasnt but long story short I became self employed and freelance for agencies that assist susbtance abusers, alcoholics and people with disabilities to reintegrate woth society and sucessfully source employment. The downside to this is 75% of my work ends up being done voluntarily but i wouldnt change it for the world.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Great advice there Spot On.

FTW You said that you felt "Dads didn't have a chance of winning residency".

I disagree, times are changing and moving on.

It is all about who will support the child in his/her relationship with the 'absent' parent.

I suspect you would actively encourage your daughter to have a positive relationship with her mum, if you won residency of your daughter.
Whereas your ex is doing the polar opposite.

Don't set your sights too low.

Having residency of my daughter really would make my life perfect. And yes I would deffinately encourage her to maintain a relationship with her mother.

Looking forward, when court is all over and done im sure games will be played to avoid contact. I guess residence is something to give some thought to and act on if the mother doesnt alter her way of doing things soon.

Wouldnt it be lovely if i child could spend 6 months with 1 parent and 6 months with another (with contact from the other parent to) then allow the child to choose who she resides with or indeed shared residency. If i thought walking away would give my daughter the best life i would do it. The fact is i feel without me in her life she will miss out on the love and support of having 2 parents.

[Bill-K]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I feel that was karma catching up with her after bragging she brought her fella a car with CSA money.

Take some comfort that she will be her own undoing.....

I suspect you would actively encourage your daughter to have a positive relationship with her mum, if you won residency of your daughter.
Whereas your ex is doing the polar opposite.

Don't set your sights too low.

This isn't my area of knowledge, but I really feel it would be an absolute travesty if this poor girl was left to the tender mercies of her mother. This must surely be resolved before the poor kid is damaged beyond repair, too. Time is of the essence. If justice is to prevail, then decency must be recognised by the courts, IMHO.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I appreciate all of your comments.

One thing occured to me this morning. One of the claims made against me was that I had 3 other children my daughter didnt know. I explained to the court that yes i did have 3 other children, they are my partners kids and i was proud to say i looke at them as my own, furthermore my daughter had met these children and i produced photos of her playing with them.

This is happily dealt with, but to be completetly honest one thing that bugges me is that these kids have not been mentioned since. I thought Cafcass put "children first", surely leaving 3 children wondering when they will se there soon to be sister is just plain wrong?

What are your views on this?

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I wish to God we could print this thread out and shove it under the judges nose screaming GIVE HIM HIS DAUGHTER!!
in your last few posts my opinion of you has gone from strength to strength!

i would suggest you start mentioning your other kids (the word step in relation to kids is outlawed in my family) and ask when they will be allowed to meet their sister as you want to encourage a positive family atmosphere!

[teaboy2]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

FTW

Have you considered writing to your MP detailing everything that has happened and then last but not least asking him/her why it has taken over half your childs natural life for a court to decide whether you should have access to her, when it is your daugthers birth right to know and have access to her father? You can not tell me that all this is in my daugther's "BEST" interests as god only knows what mental impact this has had on her due to it lasting for so long!

I believe that question at the end of a detailed letter would have a very profound impact and maywell result in your MP getting involved and supporting your case. It may well also lead to the MP bringing the issue up in parliment too. Because if you ask me, what your daugther it being put through, which i accept is largely due to the mothers unwillingness cooperate with the courts and you, along with her excuses and lies, is an abosolute travesty. The judge really needs to pull her finger out and start putting her foot down and most off all, they need to start thinking about your daughter and the impact this is all having on her mental wellbeing as i can assure you, and no doubt you already know this, she will be mentally confused by all this! Ultimately the sooner this is all over and the sooner you have access to her the better.


If i was the judge i would rule her mother unfit and mentally abusive to the child and award you full custody mate!