Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

[PlanB]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

This reminds me of the movie Sliding Doors where Gwyneth Paltrow plays the part of Helen who is sacked from her job at the beginning of the film, but then the story unfolds in two different parallel versions. One is sad and the other has a happy ending. It's a brilliant chick flick but men should enjoy it too opcorn:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120148/plotsummary

[FlamingParrot]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

I saw that movie too, loved it!

If I remember correctly (it was 2005), both alternatives kind of converged into one in the end, didn't they? Her fate was to be with the other guy, not with her unfaithful boyfriend!

[MissFM]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Am a little flummoxed here as my interpretation was definitely of a romantic, chivalrous and platonic love rather than the Humbert Humbert version. However this is a legal question on a legal site so I'm sure the above answers from an objective point of view are more helpful to the OP's present needs than my breathless admiration for his prose. (Agree, though, with Sapphy and Cel that a writing career beckons for GS)

Even more puzzlement over the suggetive qualities of hot water bottles, PlanB - have never thought of them in that way - puts a whole different perspective on Hubby pottering off for an early night with one tucked under his arm!:ranger:

[AllAroundJustice]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Dear Getting Screwed,
please research the case of Roldan. It appears to me that this is a "he said - she said" situation to which Roldan applied. Save all texts/log all calls/ avoid contact witrh her or her friends/ family ... do all that you can to protect YOU becuase it's a small step from where you currently are to the police knocking on your door with a Harassment Warning Notice. It would appear that you now have to separate your emotions from the facts of the situation.
Are you being suspended on full pay? Has the other party been suspended also? Does the other party have any kind of relationship with management?
Is it possible for you to easily find employment elsewhere? Whatever you do, it seems that you may have to put this down to experience. You're right when you say it takes two ... so (when you're more emotionally detached from the situation) you may like to look deeply within and ask yourself why you need to rescue women ... because this may be a pattern in your life - that you create dependency in them (not necessarily consciously and no judgment being made my friend.)
Hope this helps ... Brian

[Eloise01]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Even more puzzlement over the suggetive qualities of hot water bottles, PlanB - have never thought of them in that way - puts a whole different perspective on Hubby pottering off for an early night with one tucked under his arm!

I am afraid that I have to admit that PlanB's interpretation was also my immediate reaction! As you observe, hot water bottles have an association with "going to bed", and it isn't a stretch of the imagination for an inference to be drawn from the statement made. An inference that may be right, or may be wrong, but which some people would certainly make, especially if there were "context".

Yes, it is certainly true that in some cases alleged victims of bullying and harassment make stuff up. It is also true that alleged perpetartors who are erudite, well read and articulate can make otherwise innocent words into weapons to suit their purposes. I am not trying to assert judgements here - it isn't my place and none of us knows all the facts. But I am trying to put myself in the place of a 17 year old (which this young woman was when all this started) and despite the passing of a lot of years since then, I am doing it a little too successfully. At 17 I did not come from a broken home, and I knew everything there was to know. Just like every 17 year old I have ever met. I was wordly wise, and my parents were old fogies who understood nothing about being young. I could look after myself and was supremely confident that nothing I could face would ever get the better of me or defeat me. Anyone ever met a 17 year old that isn't that cocksure?

Looking back, if I had had the attention of a 28 year old man focussed on me, I think I would have been very flattered. And it's certainly always been a thing for girls at that age to "pull" men, hasn't it? If I was given gifts by that man, I doubt I would have rejected them. Again it might have been flattering, but in hindsight I wouldn't have been able to reject them because I didn't have the maturity to know how to handle complex interpersonal relationships. I might have been awed by the experience of an older man in matters of life that I was only just dipping a toe into. If he was well read and seemed smart and educated, then so much more so.

I am also quite sure that my father, upon the first hint of such attentions from a man 11 years the senior of his teenage daughter, would have been of the mind of PlanB to punch his lights out. And probably ground me until I was 25. At least. They might have been innocent intentions, but I am quite positive my father wouldn't have been inclined to have a sincere man to man chat about it first.

It is easy to forget that this relatuonship, whatever it is, began when this young woman was 17, at an age when it is easy to get into things that are out of your depth and hard to get back out of them again. It has been going on for three years, and 20 is not actually all that old. Certainly not nearly as mature as anyone at that age thinks they are!

[MissFM]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Just had a vivid memory of how it feels to be that age and what you say is accurate. (Though still not completely convinced by the HWB)

[Eloise01]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Yes I get you on the HWB - that's why I said that my first reaction was a "choked gurgle", and then I saw that it could be interpreted different ways. Another unwise action in a string of unwise actions. But then I am trained to look at facts twice - my father, on the other hand, wouldn't have bothered with such niceties. He'd have been with PlanB down the office...

I honestly think that the biggest problem here is that there are probably two inncoent people here - or two guilty parties, depending on how you look at it. To be honest, the person I am feeling rather sorry for, and this doesn't happen too often, so it's a date worth noting in your diary, is the poor b****y employer who has to try and make some sense out of all this and find a solution! I am quite positive that I wouldn't want to be in his shoes today.

[PlanB]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

(Though still not completely convinced by the HWB)

According to the Oxford Dictionary a hot water bottle or hotty is slang for "a sexually attractive person, especially a young woman"

http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/hottie

[MissFM]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Blimey PlanB! Am very out of touch! x

[Eloise01]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Blimey PlanB! Am very out of touch! x

Gosh, me too! Obviously, despite (cough,cough, mumble, mumble) years having passed since I was 17, I am still not as wordly wise as I thought. Just what was it then that your delightful hubbie had tucked under his arm for an early night? I think you should keep an eye on him!

[MissFM]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Well, i spose my eyesight's going along with all the other faculties......

[CleverClogs]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Please, please do me one favour, if ever you decide to retire or if you do fall out of work, then do consider taking up writing, you can self publish on Amazon and hopefully make some money along the way, my step daughter has two books on there at the moment and is writing her third at the moment, ok they are not bestsellers but they are jogging along, but if you are lucky you could take off, I mean look at the woman last year, she wrote a trilogy, self published on Amazon and everyone was reading them, she sold millions and a film is being made, you may have heard of them ...... it the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy.

And please disguise her identity before you write her up as a Y-shaped strumpet. msl:

[Inca]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

GS,,You,my friend,have been played. If I were you, I would count myself lucky this young girl hasn't taken the accusations an awful lot furthur. You have no defence because you openly admit what you have done. Whether all your intentions were honourable or not is between you and your conscience but you need to keep your distance from this girl completely and totally before a can of worms opens up that noone can close.

[CleverClogs]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

How would we react to that? I know that as a mother with a daughter who was once 20, I would have very definite opinions as to the total inappropriateness of that relationship. It is not the way that a manager should act in the workplace. It is certainly something to worry about, isn't it? The OP talks about "friendly" hitting and punching. But this isn't a high school. It is a workplace. And such behaviour is not appropriate to it, and not appropriate between a manager and their staff.

If I recall correctly, the person who received those punches was the OP:

In work I would make an informed yet witty comment and she would punch me, or she would kick me…

He wasn't hitting her - she was hitting him!

He talks about telling her to sit down and putting his hand on her shoulder to "guide her" into a chair. If she does not wish to sit down, why must she? It is not appropriate to physically touch her to achieve that end.

Then it's just as well he didn't spank her, too. msl:

[CleverClogs]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

I assume it is a reference to a now mostly archaic practice of illegal betting on sumo matches, which I believe was a "boisterous" activity of seedy men in darkened rooms. It's all very modern now - it's mostly on line, albeit still illegal.

Is she really that wide? :rofl: