Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

[CleverClogs]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

hope it turns out all right for both of them

I hope that she soon gets pregnant. :tinysmile_aha_t:

[GettingScrewed]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Hey everyone,

This has gotten quite busy, I appreciate everyone's input! I will thank everyone individually but here's what happened...

I went for the 'outcome' today. I was informed that all notes were not typed and asked if I wanted to postpone the meeting. I said no "let's just do it". My employer asked to speak to me privately for a moment before the meeting. This then was off the record. I spoke with him and he told me that he was going to dismiss me. He then asked if I would like to quit? We talked as friends for a while, because we are friends. I have regarded him and his girlfriend as a brother and sister for almost a decade. They would feed my cat when I went away, etc.

I weighed the pros and cons; I did so for quite a while...I addressed some things in her statement that I disagreed with yesterday...
She didn’t tell you about how she text me at 4:30am to tell me that she was in town crying because she just has a fistfight with him, punched him in the face and knocked him down.
She didn’t tell you how I waited for break one Sunday and she came in to see me then we shared a tub of ice-cream together to talk about her situation…or that I fully supported and stood by any decision she made.

She didn’t tell you how she hacked his emails?...and discovered all the nice things he said to her personally that he would never say to anyone else were all scripted copies of emails that he had sent off to another girl, which left her running through the town crying.

She didn’t tell you how that night upstairs I attempted to make her realise that this is the well that he can go to now, this is control switch. He admitted he got another girl pregnant and threatened suicide if she left him.

She didn’t tell you how she invited me to come down to the bar to celebrate her newly single status, the fact that she had split up with him. Now how do you invite me to that and then turn around and blame me for the break up at your convenience? I never crashed that party…I was literally invited to the table.
I harassed her…I did, I admit it, I harassed her over the years to go to the doctor to get her dizzy and fainting spells checked out. She refused every time. Now she blames her faints on me?

The worst thing I did was to keep all the good things I did for her on the quiet. I did so because it would have seemed like I favoured her and she would have seemed like she was using me.

My employer, my friend, his father died before Christmas, he was hit by a car and has health problems...he asked for none of this...I did weigh those pros and cons. I know I could through a spanner in the works on so many levels but ultimately, in the end, I Quit. I can fight this, I can maybe win, I might also lose, but do I really want to cause my friend all that trouble...do I want that trouble? I should think we will not be friends from this point onwards, I lose my job, possibly my home, I lose my reputation, and I lose numerous friendships. I lose my brother and my sister.

A little about me because the legalities are done... Unless someone has an ace up their sleeve?

I'm 31 and I come from a small town...In high school I set the record for awards received, I received special achievement awards, I have a degree in Humanities and a Post-Grad in Criminology. I went to University in the US and I spent 6 months living with the Indians in North America. I have never been in trouble with the law. I was the golden child of my family I suppose. I pride myself on my morals and my ethics. I have never taken drugs or even so much as smoked a cigarette. I have an extensive fighting background encompassing Boxing, Wrestling and Jiu Jitsu that the kid knew she could rely on if need be.

I buy homeless guys a sandwich and their dog a can of food. I pick the drunk girl off the floor, hand her to her friends, hail them a taxi and give them money to get home knowing I'm walking because I only brought so much money out, and they look at me aghast as I close the car door not being able to figure out why I want nothing in return as the they pull away. I am not a fool, though I am perhaps not your average Joe. I am innovative in so very many ways. People would come to me in work and expect me just to know how to handle a situation or fix a problem, because I can handle it or fix it. I have confidence in these abilities but never thought my actions would be used against me. I am not naive, I am not silly or stupid, but I admit to my errors with the young girl.

I was just getting my foot on the bottom rung of the ladder when my back foot was kicked from me. He told me he explained the seriousness and possible outcome and she said that is what she wanted. I had zero bad intentions on this girl. I looked out for her. There are two sides to every story if I could, I would ask here to give her version here. I can only emphasise my character based on my decision today. I cannot put you through this sir. I will go away and start anew.

Thanks to everyone that took interest in this. I'm pretty down right now. I just called my folks and I'm pretty sure it broke their hearts. My mum always worries because she knows I'll sacrifice my needs for someone else. I dunno people. I do not know what to say, half the people reading this might feel sorry for me and the other half will think what a chump! I think it is impossible to pity someone and respect them at the same time. So make your decision.

The world seems that little bit darker right now, a little bit colder. I have lost my smile and myself. Someone commented on my pen earlier and how that just doesn't make me the good guy. I completely agree. A lesson I have been taught on this very day by a little girl. So please do not judge me on my words or my emotions, but my actions...This is why I detailed my character above. For all I am and all that I have offered and sacrificed, I now carry this mark on name.

[CleverClogs]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

If my young and vulnerable (you said she comes from a broken home) daughter had told me her boss had given her a hot water bottle and told her "keep yourself warm kid" I would personally have gone round to your office and punched your lights out for doing something so sexually suggestive.

Bad puns aside, can you explain what is "sexually suggestive" about a rubber, hot water bottle?

The only association I can possibly imagine is that it could perhaps be used as an enema bag and, even then, it would surely only give pleasure to a klismaphile,

[CleverClogs]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

He told me he explained the seriousness and possible outcome and she said that is what she wanted.

Yes, but I doubt that it will be all that she wants.

Getting you dismissed could be only the first stage. Whether she claims now for the "harassment" or leaves it a while so she could also claim "constructive dismissal", she'll want money.

Perhaps your former employer should promote her to a role above her "Peter Principle" grade? :tinysmile_aha_t:

[GettingScrewed]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

She can claim for money? Huh?

The saddest thing is that I told him I will walk out of here and "I will not hate her". I have every reason and every right, but I will not. It is just not in me. He asked did I want to leave out the front or go out the back. I chose the front, with my held high, knowing this will be the last time I walk out...and as I did so I was met with the freezing cold snow. It was almost poetic, picturesque even. If I ever write that book, I mean what a final scene.

[Eloise01]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

I spent 6 months living with the Indians in North America.

I am sorry that you have lost your job over this, but you have made your choice and in resigning I see no aces.

But I am quite shocked that anyone who has lived with Native American or First People (as they always refer to thenselves if they are not using their clan or tribal identifiers) would use such an inaccurate and perjorative word (in their view) to describe them. As they would point out, the European lack of a sense of direction is not their problem, and Indians hail from India, not the United States.

[GettingScrewed]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Ha Eloise is clever...however it depends on where you are. I was in North Dakota and Minnesota and they prefer Indians. My course at the University before I personally spent time with them was called "Indian Studies". I am an honourary member of the Indian Studies Department of UND. I even have the cup to prove it.

I was with the Annishinabe/Chippewa, who are the Sioux and the Cree, though all Indian names, Chickasaw, Anasazi, Apache, Sioux, etc, as you have pointed out translate to the 'First People' or the 'Original People'.

[Inca]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Oh well...Onwards and Upwards

[PlanB]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

He asked did I want to leave out the front or go out the back. I chose the front, with my held high, knowing this will be the last time I walk out...and as I did so I was met with the freezing cold snow. It was almost poetic, picturesque even. If I ever write that book, I mean what a final scene.

This is by no means the final scene - it's the start of the next chapter in your life :typing:

On a practical note make sure that you get a good written reference from the company. Resigning rather than being dismissed was perhaps a sensible choice from the point of your CV and future job prospects.

All I can add on the emotional side is that in my life I have done great things and I've done foolish things, and both have taught me useful lessons in equal measure. Life would be very dull if it was always easy, and a bit of drama never hurt anybody :drama:

If the young lady has a conscience she'll feel bad if she told lies about you to your boss. If she doesn't then just remember 'what goes around comes around' and she'll get her comeuppance one day.

Now you should go to the pub and get drunk - preferably one you're certain she won't be in :spit:

[Eloise01]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

I was with the Annishinabe/Chippewa, who are the Sioux and the Cree, though all Indian names, Chickasaw, Anasazi, Apache, Sioux, etc, as you have pointed out translate to the 'First People' or the 'Original People'.

Hmmm - somebody was either not listening in class or has been watching way too much X Files. There is no consensus that the Anasazi ever existed as a distinct group. What is certain is that they no longer existed by the time Europeans reached the area. There is no record whatsoever of their language. Anasazi is a Dinee (or Navajo) word that does not precisely translate into English but which is generally referred to as "ancient foreigners / ancient enemy". Sioux is actually French Canadian and its derivation does not translate as Original People or anything like it. Apache, similarly, is actually a Zuni word that entered English through Spanish, and actually means "Navajo's" - which is what the Zuni called them because the tribes are closely related. "First People" is in actual fact a very modern phrase and refers collectively to aboriginal tribes from a variety of countries who claim a kinship as the original settlers of countries later colonised by Europeans, who inevitably tried to wipe them out. It is a politocal statement. Native American, of course, is an accurate rendering of the peoples collectively - they are the native peoples of America.

I didn't get a cup. I was married for 30 years to one of the world's leading authorities on Native American people, who just happened to also be Dinee himself. And my son, following in his fathers footsteps, will soon begin his postgraduate studies in the same subject.

[GettingScrewed]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Now you should go to the pub and get drunk - preferably one you're certain she won't be in :spit:

Ha! I think I'm going to go see my folks...they live in a far away land, a hundred miles away in the wilderness where the internet is a thing of the future, only to be seen on television and in movies! I shall do my best to check in though, and I appreciate all posts, positive and negative on my actions. This is the most support and advice I got from anyone on the entire matter. I know my friend sort of came down on her side more than mine with the final decision to be made, and though I do not hold such a quarrel against him, I have lost my him.

"What comes around goes around" PlanB? I wish I could believe that. Not sure if anyone has seen The Walking Dead tv show? I was Shane today and she whispered in Rick's ear to come and get me. Legalities all aside, thanks everyone. Nice community of people.

I must check out this "Sliding Doors"...

[GettingScrewed]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Hmmm - somebody was either not listening in class or has been watching way too much X Files. There is no consensus that the Anasazi ever existed as a distinct group. What is certain is that they no longer existed by the time Europeans reached the area. There is no record whatsoever of their language. Anasazi is a Dinee (or Navajo) word that does not precisely translate into English but which is generally referred to as "ancient foreigners / ancient enemy". Sioux is actually French Canadian and its derivation does not translate as Original People or anything like it. Apache, similarly, is actually a Zuni word that entered English through Spanish, and actually means "Navajo's" - which is what the Zuni called them because the tribes are closely related. "First People" is in actual fact a very modern phrase and refers collectively to aboriginal tribes from a variety of countries who claim a kinship as the original settlers of countries later colonised by Europeans, who inevitably tried to wipe them out. It is a politocal statement. Native American, of course, is an accurate rendering of the peoples collectively - they are the native peoples of America.

I didn't get a cup. I was married for 30 years to one of the world's leading authorities on Native American people, who just happened to also be Dinee himself. And my son, following in his fathers footsteps, will soon begin his postgraduate studies in the same subject.

This is awesome! I was at the University of North Dakota and had lectures with Greg Gagnon and Dr. Donald Fixaco who was Clinton's head of Indian Affairs in the US during his term in office. The People of North and South Dakota do refer to themselves as the Sioux...though the stereotypical mascot thing is up for debate. UND's Hockey team is the Fighting Sioux and the $150 million dollar hockey arena was funded by a guy named Ralph Englestad. He threatened to remove his funding and maintenance if they removed the team name.

[FlamingParrot]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

This is by no means the final scene - it's the start of the next chapter in your life :typing:

On a practical note make sure that you get a good written reference from the company. Resigning rather than being dismissed was perhaps a sensible choice from the point of your CV and future job prospects.

All I can add on the emotional side is that in my life I have done great things and I've done foolish things, and both have taught me useful lessons in equal measure. Life would be very dull if it was always easy, and a bit of drama never hurt anybody :drama:

If the young lady has a conscience she'll feel bad if she told lies about you to your boss. If she doesn't then just remember 'what goes around comes around' and she'll get her comeuppance one day.

Now you should go to the pub and get drunk - preferably one you're certain she won't be in :spit:

There are lots of people out there who see lying as a way of life, some are compulsive liars who have to make things up even when it doesn't benefit them in any way. :lie: Those who lie a lot end up believing their own lies and can't tell the difference between the thruth and their own fantasies. :lie: :lie: :lie:

In the end this should be a lesson to both parties involved in this because both will have something to learn from this saga.:drama: The events as described are by no means unusual, it's the fact that they happened in and around the workplace that made them more significant. :faint2:Work-related liaisons often end in tears!

[Inca]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

FP,,where are you banned from ??

[PlanB]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

I shall do my best to check in though, and I appreciate all posts, positive and negative on my actions. This is the most support and advice I got from anyone on the entire matter. . . Legalities all aside, thanks everyone. Nice community of people....

What a pity you came here so late in the day as there could have been more help on the employment law side of things which may have motivated you to defend your position. Just make sure you get all the holiday pay you're entitled to and so on.

Good Luck with Chapter II :okay: