Child contact process and delays.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

well said teaboy...

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[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

FTW

Have you considered writing to your MP detailing everything that has happened and then last but not least asking him/her why it has taken over half your childs natural life for a court to decide whether you should have access to her, when it is your daugthers birth right to know and have access to her father? You can not tell me that all this is in my daugther's "BEST" interests as god only knows what mental impact this has had on her due to it lasting for so long!

I believe that question at the end of a detailed letter would have a very profound impact and maywell result in your MP getting involved and supporting your case. It may well also lead to the MP bringing the issue up in parliment too. Because if you ask me, what your daugther it being put through, which i accept is largely due to the mothers unwillingness cooperate with the courts and you, along with her excuses and lies, is an abosolute travesty. The judge really needs to pull her finger out and start putting her foot down and most off all, they need to start thinking about your daughter and the impact this is all having on her mental wellbeing as i can assure you, and no doubt you already know this, she will be mentally confused by all this! Ultimately the sooner this is all over and the sooner you have access to her the better.


If i was the judge i would rule her mother unfit and mentally abusive to the child and award you full custody mate!

Hiya matey,

Great idea on the mp, started the ball rolling on that one the other week. John Hemming is my local MP, if im completely honest he can be know for being a bit of a moron (yes he is the guy that breached a super indunction in the house of commons and his wife stole a kitten from his mistress). He is also however known for his hatred of Cafcass failings.

I am currently awaiting an appontment to see him and will see if i can get him onside. We have met before and he kindly presented me with a community award for my work. Fingers crossed even if he cant do to much just a letter of support could be a bit of a help.

Response below:

think you would be best coming to see me at some stage with the Cafcass reports. What you are experiencing is not unusual.

----- Original Message -----
From: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
To: hemmingj@parliament.uk
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2012 10:55 PM
Subject: Cafcass Viewpoint


[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Dear Mr Hemming;[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']I thought it appropriate to contact you for some advice or alternatively your views on Cafcass. I have previously contacted you for support with issues arising from Birmingham City council, which were resolved thanks to your intervention.[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']I am a 28 year old Male who resides in Yardley and grew up in sheldon. I live with my partner and 3 children, one of which suffers with Autism. Over the past 2-3 years I have been going through a child contact battle after my own daughter’s mother halted contact that needless to say has seen no end of delays out of my control.[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Obviously I am unable to disclose specific aspects of Cafcass reports as they are deemed confidential, however to put things very simply Cafcass seem to collate views of events and never seem to have the confidence to voice concerns or investigate issues. My daughter and I have recently been fortunate enough to spend time together through a contact centre and although the staff are very professional and nice, there seems to be no consequences for my daughter’s mother skipping every other contact session (which obviously causes further setbacks in rebuilding my relationship with my child), Cafcass have clearly disregarded this information on the report they issued earlier this week. I personally consider this to be an appalling way to respond to a court order and feel it has showed a clear disregard for my daughters long term well being. I am now at a point where Cafcass have actually recommended further delays because the missed attendance needs to be made up. I can live with this but I worry that this will have a long term effect on my daughter’s emotional well being.[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']I strongly suspect that my daughter is a victim of PAS (parental alienation syndrome) and although this is not officially recognised in courts the symptoms cannot be ignored. I have raised this issue on a number of occasions with Cafcass which has also included a request for CAHMS to spend time with my daughter but my concerns always seem to be omitted from the final reports. I have consulted with foster carers and other relevant professionals and explained my daughter’s characteristics; they have all reached the same conclusion that there is a very strong likelihood that my daughter’s emotional actions are a result of actions/ inactions that occur at her home or from those she is in frequent contact with.[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']I do have a strong case moving forwards and every report has proven to be advantageous to me as I have always shown commitment, consistency and diplomacy and more recently I have shown a clear and unquestionable rapport with my child, however my concerns lie with my daughters well being. My solicitor is along to provide a contact solution and is doing his job extremely well and Cafcass are meant to be along to support my daughter but I simply feel they are not providing her with enough support and consistency to make a real breakthrough with her. Is there anything I can do to support or assist Cafcass thereby helping my daughter?[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']In closing, I know court processes can be long and arduous and if it was simply a case of sitting tight and wait for a result I would be happy to do so. Unfortunately this is not the case and I feel Cafcass are not “putting children first” in my daughters case. Quite simply they seem to fearful to rock the boat a little and really work with my daughter to find out what she really is experiencing. If at all possible I would really appreciate any insight you may have into Cafcass and any other useful information you may feel to be appropriate. [/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Many thanks for taking the time to read this lengthy email.[/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']King Regards [/FONT]

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I wish to God we could print this thread out and shove it under the judges nose screaming GIVE HIM HIS DAUGHTER!!
in your last few posts my opinion of you has gone from strength to strength!

i would suggest you start mentioning your other kids (the word step in relation to kids is outlawed in my family) and ask when they will be allowed to meet their sister as you want to encourage a positive family atmosphere!

My kids made easter cards from her which i passed over at the last contact session. They included pictures inside. She quite openly said she remembered them but not by name. I often speak of them when i get the opportunity. I even talk about my big dopy labrador and she has asked me to buy a saddle so she can ride the dog to school.

This is the way she is when her mother is not around. After this we get reports that she does not want to interact with children she doesnt know and is petrified of dogs.

[teaboy2]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

And i bet its her mother saying those words not the child!

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Oh absolutely. My daughter has told Cafcass that she spends alot of time with her Nan. Ironically her nan has 2 dogs, one is a german shephard so not a million miles of size difference from my chubby lab.

When i had contact at the Cafcass office my daughter brought 3 letters with her for me. (plus some haribo sweets that she "sneakeded" into the envelope) Letter one told me about school. Letter 2 was about disney movies (which we seem to discuss alot when given the chance) Letter 3 was a eerily adult themed thing that had entries such as "I hate Cafcass and look forward to having them out of my life" and "Im so sick of coming here". My lad is the same age and as apractical excercise i asked hime to do some creativ writing. Her statements were obviously not age appropriate and i suggested that they seemed dictated. Yet another thing Cafcass failed to act on. Glad i keep everything connected with my daughter.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Just a quick note:

Contact centre supervisor (lovely lady) has told me that at the next contact session (the one that was cancelled) I could take my daughter out for the duration. She called earlier today to tell me she was still happy for me to do so but she needs to meet with me before hand as there are some points she wants me to discuss with my daughter (wouldnt say over the phone but wanted to give me the heads up).

Im looking at this as an extremely positive thing but should i be looking at this from any other angles. I dont want my contact dictated by a line of questioning but clearly want to do whatever it takes to support my child.

[Celestine]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

May I just say that your letter to John Hemming was absolutely excellent and very compelling to read.

I would also comment that your circumstance of being a loving parent to 3 step children and your impending wedding would be viewed as positive NOT negative, no matter how much mum tries to spin it into a negative aspect.

I fought a successful paternal residency case several years ago and the presence of step siblings was viewed positively. (Especially if same sex/age)

If I were in your shoes, I would view residency as a reasonable goal so long as the PAS can be limited. :tinysmile_cry_t:

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

May I just say that your letter to John Hemming was absolutely excellent and very compelling to read.

I would also comment that your circumstance of being a loving parent to 3 step children and your impending wedding would be viewed as positive NOT negative, no matter how much mum tries to spin it into a negative aspect.

I fought a successful paternal residency case several years ago and the presence of step siblings was viewed positively. (Especially if same sex/age)

If I were in your shoes, I would view residency as a reasonable goal so long as the PAS can be limited. :tinysmile_cry_t:

I am holding out high hopes of CAHMS for assisting my daughter. One thing i have said to both Cafcass and the contact centre staff is:

"If i told my kids to jump off a cliff they would do it because they know i would be at the bottom to catch them and never let them be placed in danger"

In addition I asked why a "Resident Parent" cannot offer the same sentiment to my child in reassuring her about contact.

My kids do not have contact with there biological father as they literally came back from an overnight stay black and blue. In addition we discovered they had been left unsupervised for a long number of hours (the whole of simpsons season 1 was how it was discribed). However, they have said they would see him again providing i come with them.
We explained his actions were wrong, but despite wanting to kill him we still refrained from bad mouthing him.

Anyone with kids will understand that when an appropriate bond is in place you can realistically get your kids to do something with a bit of love and encouragement.

When my relationship began with my existing partner we were worried about the bonding with my eldest lad (daughter = 11, son = 10, son = 8 plus my daughter = 8) He is severely autistic and struggles to bond with new people. We clicked immediately and I worked with him with CAHMS to beat his night terrors. Needless to say I have a bond with these kids that cant be broken (and a court approved prental responsibility order that my partner wanted me to get should something ever happen to her).

Sorry about babbling with this, i seem to read posts and have mini flashbacks to specific events lately.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Contact tommorow. Phone call a few hours agon from the centre to advise me that the session would be half the usual length because my ex's son is ill and she cannot leave him for very long on his own.

Is there really no other appropriate adult whom can look after this child say for example...... his father? As mentioned my daughter has previously stated that she spends alot of time with her Nan. Why is her nan suitable to look after her but not suitable to look after the other child for a mere 3 hours ?

Clearly no regard for innapropriate delays, or is it a genuine thing mixed in with all the other stuff that leads me to believe she is simply trying to obstruct things further by continuing to limit my time with my child thereby negating any positive effects it may have.

[Bill-K]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I have to admit that I concur with your feelings. You should be receiving a lot more attention to this from either the Contact Centre or their administrative body, IMHO.

[Celestine]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Have you kept a detailed diary of this behaviour my the mother?

A nice colourful spreadsheet would be very compelling.


Yes, she's playing silly feckers, that is in no doubt, the million dollar question is how long are cafcass going to permit her to keep breaching live court orders??

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Have you kept a detailed diary of this behaviour my the mother?

A nice colourful spreadsheet would be very compelling.


Yes, she's playing silly feckers, that is in no doubt, the million dollar question is how long are cafcass going to permit her to keep breaching live court orders??

What i tend to do is keep detailed reports of events and occurences that can be verified by letters or proffesionals (Cafcass workers, contact workers ect) I do however go out of m way to discuss my version of events with contact centre staff at the end of each contact. I do however have a chart showing the progress made from day 1, this is sorted by date order and clearly depicts delays and the causes for them. This unfortunately brings me to my next addition:

Attended contact today. While waiting upstairs for my daughter her and her mother arrived. It was a loud arrival with "I aint staying long cos iv got an ill son at home". 10 minutes after this the supervisor came up to me and explained m daughter was upset because her brother was ill and she wanted to go home to take care of him.

Downstairs I go and my daughter is burying her head in the chair. I tried everything to interact but she wouldnt communicate. I then tried to explain that her little brother is looked at every day while she is at school but at this point her mother decided to jump in with a lovely verbal attack saying she would take HER daughter home. I remained calm and polite and asked her to not get aggresive as it would only make OUR daughter scared. She ignored this plea and continued which caused the supervisor to insisit she remained silent from here on in.

After more attempts her mother broke her silence and positioned herself in front of my daughter and began whispering. I couldnt hear what was being said, but the supervisor could


I gave my daughter a magazine to read on the way home and agreed she could leave (passed the magazine to the mother). While her mother was putting her coat on my daughter lifted her head and waved at me and gave me a nervous smile. She instantly hid her face again when her mother turned back around.

It was this point the session ended, i couldnt hug her goodbye because her mother was "blocking" the way.


--------------------------------------


So after the session i meet with the supervisor, she explained to me that she has spotted some "codes" between mother and daughter. She explained that these were signs the mother gives when my daughter is clearly complying with what she has been told. There are concerns over mothers attitude towards contact and obviously the delays which in a normal situation would completely negate and rapport that has been built.... However:

She went on to say that I have shown an unquestionable rapport with my child over the duration of contact and I shouldnt worry about being denied access. In addition she made no hessitation in saying that my child has been severely alienated and this is further demonstrated by her mothering attitude towards her brother (basically she feels she has to look after him to protect him). It went on further but thats the short version.

CAHMS, Pyscologist.... all valid areas reccomendations that the contact centre have assured me will be in the final report. They have also ststed they will detail the verbal assault i recieved today as it was in front of the child.

So ther we go. I think maybe notify my solicitor of today (contact centre has said they will support EVERYTHING they say to me and my solicitor is welcome to go on a fact finding hunt if he feels it is appropriate and will support the case)

Anything else i should be doing at the moment?
------------------------------- merged -------------------------------
God my spelling is awful on the above post. Sorry guys.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

giving yourself a MASSIVE pat on the back and hugging your other 3 kids!

I wish i was nearer to give you an encouraging hug, your doing well. I would also suggest painting the spare room pink and princessy., cos if your attitude in rl is like this forum you will have a little girl at your house quicker than a wink!

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

giving yourself a MASSIVE pat on the back and hugging your other 3 kids!

I wish i was nearer to give you an encouraging hug, your doing well. I would also suggest painting the spare room pink and princessy., cos if your attitude in rl is like this forum you will have a little girl at your house quicker than a wink!

Thank you very much for your post, it really cheered me up. As much as id love to paint a room "pink" for her she prefers monster high themes (black and pink ect) so we have a white room with a feature wall that has black wallpaper with bright pink patterning.

Just wish there was more i could do. It has to be hard for these proffesionals too as my daughter clearly feels a sense of duty towards her brother and they surely must consider how seperating them may affect them both in the long term. The little brother may not be my kid but id be more than happy for both him and my daughter to live here if i knew it would protect them both.

It amazes me how with these 10,000+ care applications made ove the last 12 months so few are for emotional/ Psycological abuse. Guess if theres no bruises ect they really dont care. With these consistent failings we will see a massive surge of young adults with mental health problems in a few years time.

PS: I have chased up my MP for a meeting today.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Bless you for saying that, my best friend is a single dad of 3, hes just found out after 16 years of raising his eldest that none of them are his. He doesnt care, says I love them whats the problem?

There is nothing more you can do physically, and as for the monsters.. Good on her, i hated pink and princesses myself, wanted jungle book and panthers!

all you can do is carry on as you are, encourage her to see her mother in a positive light, keep your head held high and enjoy the time you get with her!

Gingerbread helps dads too.. theres a thread called a listening ear, websites are in there hun.

Big hugs to you all

p