Threat of a Money Claim

[powerchord]

The relationship between my mother and I has recently broken down due to actions on her part. I have moved out of the family home because of this.

I have since received a letter from her demanding back money for a number of things she has bought me. This letter is an itemised list with amounts for each thing. She states that if I do not "PAY UP ASAP" then she will be forced to take legal action. From looking online I am guessing that she is limited to either making a money claim herself or getting a solicitor to do it on her behalf. She is asking for money back for things such as my wedding dress which she bought for me, and has plucked the figures out of thin air. For example she is asking for £1000 back for the dress when it only cost £750 (I have the receipts to prove this).
The other thing she is demanding back is £6000 which I apparently have in my account from my dad's life insurance money. She originally put £20,000 of this money into my account and I sent £14,000 of this back to her on the first day that the breakdown of our relationship happened. She seems to think that I have the missing £6000, although she seems to conveniently be forgetting the £4000 stairs she just put in and the money she spent on Christmas using this money.

I am very scared that she is going to take legal action. Despite the fact that I am innocent, and I believe I would have enough proof (receipts, bank statements etc) to this end, I am unable to afford any legal help. The total amount she wants from me is over £10,000.

Would she be able to claim for things like my dress, which were 'gifts'- things she bought then gave to me? Would she be able to claim for the £6000 as it was in a bank account in my name? I am sure I can prove that she spent this money herself from the date of receipts for the stairs and my statements should show that the money was transferred to her account.

My point is, this isn't just a clear cut "here's some cash, pay it back to me". A lot of what she is demanding paying for was given to me in the form of goods which she didn't want to be paid back for until this week, so it is plain that she is doing this out of spite. As much as I try to reassure myself I am still very scared as I am due to marry a US citizen and get my US visa, so I am worried what will happen if I move abroad and she has filed something against me.

[wales01man]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Thank the Lord my OH went through the change without the side effects lucky for me cos if she started I would have laughed its my way of handling stress now and a suit of armour

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Hun..I asked you her age for exactly the reason PlanB mentioned...menopause.
I am now 51.....and for the last few years I have gone from a happy go lucky woman into 'Hell on Legs' (my sons analagy)
I cry at the drop of a hat....(watched a programme where a sick rhino had to be put to sleep,I wept and wailed for hours)
Mood swings......oh yes...I veer from sociable to psychotic in a nano second
Every emotion you can think of I hit at least 10 times a day.
It's no excuse,,it's horrible and I hate myself after a rampage but I can't help myself (well,, I could..I choose not to half the time)....

If you can/want to..have a long hard think about what's happened recently...maybe writing it all down on a timeline and
I might be completely wrong and it's not what's causing your Mums erratic behaviour,but combined with grief,stress etc it's a possibility...and you moving away may just be the crisis that's boiled over in her mind.
You are happy to admit the locksmith scenario wasn't your finest hour and maybe telling her that will help?
Your Mum doesn't get any sympathy for her irrational behaviour but it would be helpful if you 'gently' pointed out to her that she is making every molehill into a mountain (and quickly hide lol)
She needs an outlet for her emotions and she's picking on the wrong people (family) because there is a BIG possibility you all will say 'Stuff you' and walk out of her life and she won't have a clue why.
My OH and son virtually frogmarched me to the Dr,,with the threat that if I didn't seek help they were all leaving home,,I had no idea how abusive,difficult and moody I had become until I heard their side of it (and I had to listen,we were in the Drs room,,I was slightly trapped lol)

Edit,,,,,,and as for memory......that's shot to bits..I forget everything..I'm told that's another 'side effect' such fun being 'a woman of a certain age):faint:

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Thank you. I didn't mean to sound rude. It's just very frustrating for others to say "just make up" when it's not as simple as that. This is the latest (albeit most drastic) in a long line of her actions which I have felt should be apologised for...or at the very least she should have shown some remorse for. I've spent a very long time biting my tongue and making concessions, but leaving me an hour and a half's drive away in Bristol is kind of hard to ignore. Living with my mum has been difficult for some time. I'm not looking for sympathy but I don't like being judged either.

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Giving birth to someone does not give someone carte blanche to act however they want and never have to apologise for it. I'm a human being just as much as my mum is, and whilst the locksmith wasn't my finest hour, that never would have happened if she hadn't done what she did.

You couldn't be more right. None of us have the right to 'own' another human being. No mother has the right to pull rank over their own daughter (after a certain age). If only she could be proud to see you so spirited. I expect secretly she is proud of you. She's obviously having trouble coming to terms with it. You've grown up and that's possibly scaring her.

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

FFS Get round there and talk to your mum I would guarantee that you BOTH will regret it if you get married and move to the states with this unsorted you only have one mum and remember she gave birth to you betting that matters to her in truth than a feud over money.
Sorry to be so blunt

I am under no illusions as to what I will, and will not, regret should this go on unresolved thank you. Giving birth to someone does not give someone carte blanche to act however they want and never have to apologise for it. I'm a human being just as much as my mum is, and whilst the locksmith wasn't my finest hour, that never would have happened if she hadn't done what she did.

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

FFS Get round there and talk to your mum I would guarantee that you BOTH will regret it if you get married and move to the states with this unsorted you only have one mum and remember she gave birth to you betting that matters to her in truth than a feud over money.

^^^^ I couldn't agree with you more. You only get one shot at being a parent and yes we do screw up time after time. At least that's what my smartarse daughter repeatedly tells me :rolleyes2: There's no training manual on how to be a parent, no exam to sit; you give birth and then get on with it making mistake after mistake.

I didn't resolve my differences with my mother before she died and that makes me cry buckets to this day.

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

She's 50. She has always been the same but within the last year or so it's gotten much worse.

I'm going to say one word before anyone else does and that's *menopause*. I turned into a complete werewolf when it happened to me. Ask my daughter

[wales01man]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

FFS Get round there and talk to your mum I would guarantee that you BOTH will regret it if you get married and move to the states with this unsorted you only have one mum and remember she gave birth to you betting that matters to her in truth than a feud over money.
Sorry to be so blunt

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Can I ask why you have the receipt for the stairs?
I appreciate (believe it or not) that your Mum is probably very 'passionate' when she thinks she is being wronged (even when she isn't)....which leads me to a very random question.....how old is she? (you don't have to be precise)
Has she always been the same or has she changed as a person?
Do you really think she would pursue a court claim against you? Is this the first time she's threatened such actions against anyone?
Maybe she interpreted your immediate transfer of the 14k and the credit card stoppage as 'hostile' even though you did it because you thought it was the correct thing to do. (we all cover our own backs,it's human nature)

The company who came out to do the stairs sent the receipt via email. The email address that my mum uses is actually mine from when I was about 11 so it's a bit embarrassing! My current one is just my name so we just gave them that. I still have it as it was only installed a few weeks ago so we thought it best to keep it in case there are any problems.

She's 50. She has always been the same but within the last year or so it's gotten much worse. There have been lots of little things such as neighbour disputes with her (actually completely the neighbours' fault), my dad's case, problems at work which she's had to fight and she's become increasingly unable to let go, even when problems are solved (ie, my neighbours stopped blocking our cars in yet she still frequently rants about them and does little things to spite them.)

At the start of the week I did honestly think that she would start a court claim against me. However, after my letter and her reaction, I'm not so sure now. I think she realised I don't actually owe what she originally thought.

Knowing her, I think that this is an issue with control. After leaving me in Bristol and locking the house up against me that night and the next day, she had control. Thinking about it now she was going to continue to keep me locked out of the house, unable to get at my things, my car keys, my money and unable to get to work because of these things until I renounced all my sins and begged for forgiveness for...well I'm still not quite sure what really. She probably thought hey, it won't be long, she has nothing with her and can hardly go to work without her car and in her normal clothes! Then I went and messed up the plan with the locksmith.

The locksmith thing was an act of rashness and desperation (I was seriously freaking out at the time) but she probably saw it as me doing it out of spite or to take control away from her. Actually, I had a 4am answerphone message from her the following Wednesday calling me a "controlling bleep" (she thought I'd changed my dad's email password...actually she'd just forgotten what it was...) The money thing is really the only shot she has left to fire at me I guess. How far will she take it? I'm really not sure now.

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Can I ask why you have the receipt for the stairs?
I appreciate (believe it or not) that your Mum is probably very 'passionate' when she thinks she is being wronged (even when she isn't)....which leads me to a very random question.....how old is she? (you don't have to be precise)
Has she always been the same or has she changed as a person?
Do you really think she would pursue a court claim against you? Is this the first time she's threatened such actions against anyone?
Maybe she interpreted your immediate transfer of the 14k and the credit card stoppage as 'hostile' even though you did it because you thought it was the correct thing to do. (we all cover our own backs,it's human nature)

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

She knows I can't pay it. I think she knows if I do attempt to pay her back as much as possible then it will seriously delay getting out to the states as I still need to finish paying off my overdraft, settle my mobile phone contract by paying up to next January, pay for the actual visa, buy a plane ticket etc. Where I am working now is only guaranteed up until Feb half term so I may not have any income at all soon.

Does she really know you couldn't afford to pay her back even if you wanted to because you simply don't have the money? It would be foolish of her to take you to court to get a judgment which you can arrange to pay at a token £1 per month if the court accepts your financial situation.

I know you don't want emotional responses on your thread but I can't help picking up on something you said in your last post about how paying her back would seriously delay you getting out to the states. Any chance that thought has crossed her mind too and could it be her motivation for all this? Maybe she's looking for ways to keep you here.

I would do whatever it takes to keep my daughter on the same continent as me so long as it's legal. Failing that I would pack my bags and turn up on her doorstep in whichever foreign land she decides to relocate to. She's not getting away from me that easy :ballchain:

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Not quite - a mere allegation of terrorist involvement could do that.

I stand corrected

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

PlanB, if I had the money to give her, then it would definitely be a consideration. As you say, it would be worth it just in hope of some sort of resolution. However, I finished training last year and only started full-time work in late Sept. Since then a lot of my money has gone towards paying off my student overdraft (paying it off before I emigrate) or into savings for the visa and wedding-related stuff. What I have left in this savings account after paying for the church, minister fees, visa forms etc doesn't even touch what she wants me to give her. Another £235 of that is coming out on Friday to pay for the medical I have to have to get the visa.

She knows I can't pay it. I think she knows if I do attempt to pay her back as much as possible then it will seriously delay getting out to the states as I still need to finish paying off my overdraft, settle my mobile phone contract by paying up to next January, pay for the actual visa, buy a plane ticket etc. Where I am working now is only guaranteed up until Feb half term so I may not have any income at all soon. The rest of this year was always going to be an expensive one for me!

In terms of the amount of the claim, I don't think it will be over 10K now as in her answerphone messages yesterday she mentioned she wanted paying back for X, Y and Z but didn't mention the 6K at all so hopefully my letter reminded her of the fact that she spent it.

CleverClogs, I have noooo intentions of procreating any time soon! Will be a long time before my mum has any grandkids between me and my child-hating brother :P

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I still think that only a criminal conviction would endanger her passport or visa.

Not quite - a mere allegation of terrorist involvement could do that.