Threat of a Money Claim

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I'm puzzled about this.. why did you need a locksmith? As you had a key (you say you couldn't get in the night before because the "key was on the inside")?

It's just that, putting myself in your mother's position, I can see how this action might seem a little confrontational and maybe would explain some of her panic. Trying to understand :confused2:

What I meant is that she had left the keys inside the locks on the inside of the house, so that the keys I had would not slot into the locks on the outside properly. So even though my brother (who had driven me back from his halls of residence) had keys, I was still locked out as I was unable to use them. Hope that makes sense!

I did actually send her a letter (recorded post) today. It explained both my hurt, confusion and worry over the situation. I was careful not to make the letter patronising, accusing or insulting. I also mentioned my confusion over the letter she sent as the totals were incorrect. I mentioned a few of the correct totals and said that I hope she remembered spending money on the stairs etc and how devastated I am that she would accuse me of stealing/keeping this money. I'm hoping that might convince her to stave off legal action and possibly come round in time, but I am fully expecting a barrage of angry phone calls once she receives it. During a neighbour dispute in the past she responded to an olive branch letter that they sent with a solicitor's letter saying "do not contact me" so that might also be a possibility.

For the poster who asked why this would make her angry (can't scroll back that far to see who it was!) whenever we have argued in the past, if I try to rationalise a situation, explain myself or anything of the sort she just gets very angry and doesn't want to know. She has also, in the past, felt that I try to be clever or a "smartass" if I try to rationalise or explain things when really I'm just trying to get her to see things from my perspective. It's a very difficult balancing act trying to make up with her without angering her further.

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Maybe such a letter would pull you both back from the brink

Failing which, it may be possible to arrange for your mother to be given a good slapping. :grin:

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

That thought had crossed my mind, though we have been engaged since May and she has frequently said that she is happy for me although she will miss me. You may have guessed from the life insurance bit but my dad died a while ago. In the week leading up to this, some developments happened relating to the hospital negligence he suffered as well as my granddad having an op to remove a cancerous tumour so I've been questioning whether this is a reaction to stress or some kind of breakdown.

What happened was we dropped my younger brother off at his uni last Sunday and she just drove off without me. I came back to the house in total darkness and keys on the inside so I couldn't get in. I had nothing on me (medication, money etc) When she was in work the next day I got in with the help of a locksmith and took my things. It was then the phone calls started demanding money back and I received the letter yesterday (Saturday).

To be honest I'm feeling very hurt and very confused, the threat of legal action is terrifying me. I don't want WWIII, I just want everything to be as it was before but I have no idea how to go back and no idea how to go forward!

Thank you both for your kind words

I'm puzzled about this.. why did you need a locksmith? As you had a key (you say you couldn't get in the night before because the "key was on the inside")?

It's just that, putting myself in your mother's position, I can see how this action might seem a little confrontational and maybe would explain some of her panic. Trying to understand :confused2:

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

The relationship between my mother and I has recently broken down due to actions on her part. I have moved out of the family home because of this.

I have since received a letter from her demanding back money for a number of things she has bought me. This letter is an itemised list with amounts for each thing. She states that if I do not "PAY UP ASAP" then she will be forced to take legal action. From looking online I am guessing that she is limited to either making a money claim herself or getting a solicitor to do it on her behalf. She is asking for money back for things such as my wedding dress which she bought for me, and has plucked the figures out of thin air. For example she is asking for £1000 back for the dress when it only cost £750 (I have the receipts to prove this).
The other thing she is demanding back is £6000 which I apparently have in my account from my dad's life insurance money. She originally put £20,000 of this money into my account and I sent £14,000 of this back to her on the first day that the breakdown of our relationship happened. She seems to think that I have the missing £6000, although she seems to conveniently be forgetting the £4000 stairs she just put in and the money she spent on Christmas using this money.

I am very scared that she is going to take legal action. Despite the fact that I am innocent, and I believe I would have enough proof (receipts, bank statements etc) to this end, I am unable to afford any legal help. The total amount she wants from me is over £10,000.

Would she be able to claim for things like my dress, which were 'gifts'- things she bought then gave to me? Would she be able to claim for the £6000 as it was in a bank account in my name? I am sure I can prove that she spent this money herself from the date of receipts for the stairs and my statements should show that the money was transferred to her account.

My point is, this isn't just a clear cut "here's some cash, pay it back to me". A lot of what she is demanding paying for was given to me in the form of goods which she didn't want to be paid back for until this week, so it is plain that she is doing this out of spite. As much as I try to reassure myself I am still very scared as I am due to marry a US citizen and get my US visa, so I am worried what will happen if I move abroad and she has filed something against me.

You don't have any need to worry that you owe your mother any money in the legal sense (or any other) if the above is true, Powerchord.

In order to preempt any legal action, you could send your mother an itemised account of where all the money has gone and a list of the gifts that she has made to you, presented in a clinical form (ie as a Statement of accounts). One way of doing this would be to take her list and put the correct figures/provenance in another colour/typeface beneath it (a bit like how some reply to posters on here.) Where she is charging you for gifts she made, highlight that it was a gift and also put the true cost. Emphasize that you have receipts and bank statements to prove this. Make it mathematically cold and clinical.

If it were me, I would send this Statement with the covering letter explaining your hurt, confusion and wish that your relationship could be returned to how it was (as discussed above) - whatever comes from your heart.

Although I believe you would win a Pyrrhic victory if this went to court, I also believe that the only real winners would be the lawyers, certainly neither you nor your mother.

Maybe such a letter would pull you both back from the brink :tinysmile_kiss_t4: x

NB would also be useful evidence if things did escalate...

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Walk right over her, and get away. Once away, stay away.

The OP has already gone away

on the first night I was locked out I ended up calling my aunty who picked me up. I've been staying here ever since and I'm welcome here for as long as I need.

And now she feels sad and wants things to be resolved between them :hug:

To be honest I'm feeling very hurt and very confused, the threat of legal action is terrifying me. I don't want WWIII, I just want everything to be as it was before but I have no idea how to go back and no idea how to go forward

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I have been considering replying to her letter saying that I don't want things between us to stay broken and that I am hurting from this but knowing her that would make her angry.

Why do you think she'd be angry if you told her you were hurting?

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

A vicious streak, it seems. This is definately the manifestation of an obssessive, controlling personality.

. . . . Prove that you owe her nothing and that she is lying.

Then, and only then, may you make a passing observation to the effect that this may be not unrelated to your impending marriage and her evident desire to frustrate it. That suggests malice.

. . . . Make sure that you have your birth certificate, passport and so on. These have a habit of 'disappearing' in cases like this.

Good grief, that's a massive assumption :eek2: There are two sides to every story.

Mothers and daughters falling out is not a new phenomenon especially in the run-up to a wedding. I hope this recent incident is a one-off which can be mended. That certainly seems to be what the OP wants which is why she's considering a reply to her mother's letter.

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

How long ago did all this take place?

[enquirer]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

... but knowing her that would make her angry.

My mother is what I would call a "passionate" woman. She acts first, thinks later although nothing like this has ever happened before. She usually just says hurtful things in the heat of the moment and we make up afterwards.

A vicious streak, it seems.

This is definately the manifestation of an obssessive, controlling personality. I suspect that mediation will lay you open to more manipulation, more mind games, and more hurt.

Walk right over her, and get away. Once away, stay away.

If she does claim, how would I state that I feel it is malicious? On the initial defence form or would it have to wait til court?

Essentially, your defence is that the claim is 'without foundation'. You show this to be so in your defence by attaching copies of receipts, proof of transfers, etcetera. Compare and contrast what she says and claims, with what you have. Prove that you owe her nothing and that she is lying.

Then, and only then, may you make a passing observation to the effect that this may be not unrelated to your impending marriage and her evident desire to frustrate it. That suggests malice.

These transactions were either withdrawn in cash from the account, sent via online bank transfer to her bank account or sent via online bank transfer to our joint credit card.

These don't sound like the actions of a financial incompetent.

You've already got her off the credit card, now make sure that there are no other financial connections which might be used to strike at you. Make sure that you have your birth certificate, passport and so on. These have a habit of 'disappearing' in cases like this.

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Already taken care of!

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

It's not possible to have a joint credit card but you can have a credit card account in a sole name with an additional card holder. Who is the account holder of this credit card?

If powerchord is the account holder, it might be wise to get mumsy removed as an additional card holder - and to do that PDQ!

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Possibly because she knows she's not very good with money and she fritters it. It does seem a bit weird now but at the time that's just what we decided to do.

It doesn't seem weird at all. It looks as if you were helping her with her finances following her husband's death. Maybe he handled all that stuff when he was alive. My father did everything, and my mother had no idea what he even earned.

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I'm the account holder of the credit card, she's the additional account holder. When I've called up the call centre for other things they are able to tell which one of us carried out a transaction, so I'm sure they could send me these details if needed.

They will be needed

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I'm the account holder of the credit card, she's the additional account holder. When I've called up the call centre for other things they are able to tell which one of us carried out a transaction, so I'm sure they could send me these details if needed.

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

The "missing" £6K has dribbled out of the account through her spending . . . . £2K has gone on monthly expenditure, various other small home improvement costs and Christmas presents. She has either forgotten about this or "forgotten" about this.These transactions were either withdrawn in cash from the account, sent via online bank transfer to her bank account or sent via online bank transfer to our joint credit card.

If she's "forgotten" about her expenditure then you should remind her

Any transactions made online will show on the instant access account statements. Maybe send her a copy of those showing where the money went. Ditto the credit card statements. It's not possible to have a joint credit card but you can have a credit card account in a sole name with an additional card holder. Who is the account holder of this credit card?