My Ex reported me for hitting on her. What's up with that?

[robbyduffy]

I still bump into my exes occasionally and none of my previous relationships went sour; they just winded down. Anyway there's not much to this story:

We were standing next to each other at a function about a year or so after we were last physical - we used to be open, then exclusive for a bit, then we split up but continued to sleep together. I cheekily stroked the outside of her leg to...'test the water' perhaps...see if she was still on the same page. Anyway, it lasted less than a second as she jerked away, shocked. I left it. We didn't really speak for the rest of the evening.

I'm a flirtatious guy and so was she but something has clearly changed with her. Later that day, some insecure guy calls me, saying he's her bf and he's got a problem with me. I apologise. Now I've been told to report for a police interview tomorrow.

Is she wasting my time? The police on the phone sound like their time's being wasted by her. Can someone send a large solicitor's invoice to her to calm her down a bit? This is so weird.

[Amethyst]

Presumably she has reported you for sexual assault ?

[robbyduffy]

I can't remember what police said this falls under. Assault sounds...overstated. Is there anything else?

[Amethyst]

It might sound overstated to you but it seems likely that's what it would fall under.

Before the interview I'd get yourself more in the mindset of 'I didn't realise I'd worried her, I apologise profusely and I understand it was unwanted and a lapse of judgment' on your part rather than a 'send her a solicitors invoice to intimidate and scare her further' attitude.

According to the Sexual Offences Act 2003, the elements of the offence of sexual assault are:

• A person

(A) intentionally touches another person

(B) • the touching is sexual

• (B) does not consent to the touching, and (A) does not reasonably believe that (B) consents.

The Crown Prosecution Service guidelines further clarify that “touching is widely defined and includes with any part of the body, or with anything else, and can be through clothing”. The definition is clear.

[des8]

and when you go for your interview either take your own solicitor or request the duty solicitor be present.
The latter is free and it is your right to be accompanied.
Might seem overkill, but better than regretting later

[Amethyst]

robbyduffy How did the interview go?

[pt2537]

It might sound overstated to you but it seems likely that's what it would fall under.

Before the interview I'd get yourself more in the mindset of 'I didn't realise I'd worried her, I apologise profusely and I understand it was unwanted and a lapse of judgment' on your part rather than a 'send her a solicitors invoice to intimidate and scare her further' attitude.

The issue appears to be however what (A) believes, as (A) has to have a reasonable belief that (B) consents so there is potentially a defence to the challenge, but i agree its best not to stir up a hornets nest any more than youve already done

[robbyduffy]

It's been moved to Tues.

Yes I will challenge on the basis that it was reasonable to believe that it was consented as it clearly had been every point in our very physical past together. I have communications between us since that explain how I did not mean for it to cause offense. And obviously I have comms to show how passionate and racy our relationship was.

I'm tempted to not take legal rep as the matter is so trivial, it might be a red flag. The worst they said it could get was a cautioning.

I was kidding about the wanting to punish her with an invoice. But I'm peeved because this is such a waste of everyone's time and with recent political movements getting a bit out of hand I'm not going to be dragged into a fad of ladies lashing back for honest and natural flirting.

[paulajayne]

Flirting and touching are different things.

Please heed previous advice from Des and Amethyst.

[jaguarsuk]

I'm tempted to not take legal rep as the matter is so trivial, it might be a red flag. The worst they said it could get was a cautioning.

No No a million times No.

You always take legal representation and it's not a red flag to adhere to your legal rights. If you cannot afford a solicitor ask for the duty solicitor.

I don't care what they say, sexual assault could have much worse consequences than a caution and should be treated with seriousness.

[Amethyst]

And a caution is still going on your criminal record and could affect employment and be used if you are investigated for anything else later..... please use the duty solicitor at the very least.

Also, be careful using those texts as 'evidence' as they could be turned around into a case for harrassment ( obviously depending on the content and how 'two ways' it was )

[robbyduffy]

OK OK. I can afford lawyers but I'm not paying for this inconvenience - this was why I was saying whoever 'loses' should get the bill. I'll ask for the DS.

The comms since the 'incident' were initiated by her.

[des8]

OK OK. I can afford lawyers but I'm not paying for this inconvenience - this was why I was saying whoever 'loses' should get the bill. I'll ask for the DS.

The comms since the 'incident' were initiated by her.

Phew... thank goodness.
Advice is never ever go to police interview without a solicitor to protect your rights

[robbyduffy]

Update on robbyduffy vs ex-girlfriend 2018: Police want to issue me a caution on Sun. I understand that for them to do that then I have to admit guilt but I don't. As PT2537 established, it was reasonable to believe that touching was consented to as that is the kind of relationship we had.

I do work with kids occasionally on weekends so this isn't ideal. Maybe I deserve more time off on the weekend anyway...

[2222]

The fact the allegation has been made at all may well show up on an enhanced CRB. If you accept a caution, that is quite likely to haunt you.