Friday smile

[dogtired]

Re: Friday smile

The two best days in the life of a boat owner?
The day he buys it and the day he sells it!

[des8]

Re: Friday smile

The two best days in the life of a boat owner?
The day he buys it and the day he sells it!

The time between is akin to standing in a cold shower tearing up £50 notes:tinysmile_cry_t:

[enaid]

Re: Friday smile

The Deaf Wife Problem

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal
conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a
response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'


(I just love this)

'For F*$@ sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'

[dogtired]

Re: Friday smile

I know it's Monday but wanted to share.
Daughter was in her kitchen with smallest grandson aged four.
They had a poster of birds and were counting those that visited.
Smallest Grand son..." Tits, Tits"
Then, sounding disappointed, " Those Tits are very small" !:tung:

[nemesis45]

Re: Friday smile

Kids give us the biggest laughs.

3 year Great Grandson Tommy told to stop climbing on furniture spoke up with reasons why he shouldn't stop I told him don't argue,

his reply was quite unexpected!! "Not arguing discussin"

[PAWS]

Re: Friday smile

Ok, it’s not Friday but…
Teacher in school askes the children to come up with a sentence that has the word ‘lovely’ in it twice.
Mary puts her hand up immediately and says, “We went to the park on Sunday. It was a lovely day and we had a lovely picnic”
“Very good Mary” said the teacher.
“Miss, Miss” cried Charlie “I got a lovely new bike and I went for a lovely ride with my friends”
“Well done Charlie” Said the teacher. “What about you Johnny”
Johnny thought for a while and said, “My 14 year old sister came down stairs and yelled ‘Daddy, I’m pregnant’ and daddy said ‘Oh that’s just lovely, f***ing lovely’.

[Fred]

Re: Friday smile

1. I said, 'Forget the chicken.’ I said, 'Give me a lobster.’ So he brought the lobster. I looked at it. I said, 'Just a minute,’ I said, 'It’s only got one claw.’ He said, 'It’s been in a fight.’ I said, 'Well, get me the winner!’
2. My uncle was 83 and wanted to marry a girl of 19. The doctor said, 'This could be fatal.’ He said, 'If she dies, she dies!’
3. Somebody rang my wife and said, 'I saw your husband on the beach with a blonde on his arm.’ She said, 'What do you expect at his age – a bucket and spade?’
4. The other week I had to share my dressing room with a monkey. The producer came in and said, 'I’m sorry about this.’ I said, 'That’s OK.’ He said, 'I wasn’t talking to you.’
5. I’m on a whisky diet. Last week I lost three days.

[Fred]

Re: Friday smile

"OFT" regulation

[Fred]

Re: Friday smile

[Crazy council]

Re: Friday smile

you know when you see a question, and the answer imedeatly pops into your head ( or my head anyhow )

http://www.legalbeagles.info/forums/...a-bad-attitude

How to deal with a solicitor with a bad attitude,

Lol, in my head, thats a reasonable way to sort out disputes

his upgrade

[Fred]

Re: Friday smile

[cards down]

Re: Friday smile

All the way from China believe it or not.

[PAWS]

Re: Friday smile

[enaid]

Re: Friday smile

horse-and-the-chicken
The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found.
So he drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking..!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole..!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my ‘thingy’ and pull yourself up.”
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story –
If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks

[enaid]

Re: Friday smile