Tweet
When I was a young girl, in secondary school, we were given the choice of needlework or joining the choir.
I have always had the sewing ability of a drunken one handed blind cat so I chose the choir.
I have never really been one for taking lie too seriously, but the music teacher was, so we banged heads on many an occasion.
This particular time, he announced that there was to be a carol concert and we were to practise constantly. For 3 flaming months I sang jingle bells and The Holly and the Ivy and such like, and it drove me up the wall to the extent, I developed the innocent habit of.. changing the words slightly.
So, fast forward to December, imagine dear friends if you will ...
A school hall decked with boughs of fake holly and ivy, tacky tinsel from the poundshop down chapel market, and a plastic christmas tree crowned with a drunken fairy who had a suicide mission and kept falling off the top! The seats are packed with children and parents, all giving nervy little waves to beloved offspring, and my mum dad and gran are sitting waiting for Only Daughter to sing like an angel (some hope). The teachers are sitting waiting and the governers, and as we approach the stage, in walks The Lord Mayor of London. (Headmistress's brother!)
We form our little semi circle and teacher sits at the piano and, with a patronising Mr Bean equse smirk, he strikes up the first carol.
I hear mum snigger as it starts.
Imagine, 20 teenage girls all open their mouths and sing:
While Shepherds washed their socks by night/all seated by the fire/the beans they ate for tea fought back/and all the flames blazed higher!
The assembled dignataries looked shocked, and the teacher looked horrified, I looked at my parents and thought Dad was having a fit he was laughing so hard.
Teacher taps on his music stand to regain some order I look at the girls amazed they actually sang my version, and listened as the next song started:
We 3 kings of Orient are/ one in a taxi one in a car/ one on a scooter beeping his hooter/wearing a panama!
Giggles issue round the hall by now, quick glance at Parents and Dad jokingly shakes his fist at me, but I haven't done anything.. well.. not really!
A frantic tapping calls us to song 3, we can't mess this one up... can we?
Hark the Herald Angels sing/ Lets all go to Burger King!
OOOOOOOPS!!!!!
By now the Lord Mayor is creased up laughing, and I thought my Gran was going to burst a blood vessel!!
I look at the girls all innocent and sweet with their tinsel halos no-one wanted to wear and hiss "cmon behave!! He's gonna work out its me"
He stands up so the whole hall can see him and through gritted teeth says "Now our solo.."
It's my big moment, I feel sick after this lot pratting about, and there are the parents looking at me.. I can't screw silent night up.. but whats this? He's lost the music!! YAY! I'm saved.. until my best friend Angel suggests I sing Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong instead. Dad's Favourite song. Taking a deep breath, and keeping my eyes firmly on the old goat, I sang it. no one buggered it up.
and I got a nod and a wink from the Ole fella himself!
The concert ended with a rousing chorus of Onward Marmite Soldiers, and we all poured out to the teacher saying Never EVER again..
BOY did i get grounded for that one.. literally I walked in the house and was told you're grounded, take your coat off... now put it back on again and bugger off out, that was the FUNNIEST thing I have ever seen..
hope to have raised a smile and a little bit of christmas spirit
P
I have always had the sewing ability of a drunken one handed blind cat so I chose the choir.
I have never really been one for taking lie too seriously, but the music teacher was, so we banged heads on many an occasion.
This particular time, he announced that there was to be a carol concert and we were to practise constantly. For 3 flaming months I sang jingle bells and The Holly and the Ivy and such like, and it drove me up the wall to the extent, I developed the innocent habit of.. changing the words slightly.
So, fast forward to December, imagine dear friends if you will ...
A school hall decked with boughs of fake holly and ivy, tacky tinsel from the poundshop down chapel market, and a plastic christmas tree crowned with a drunken fairy who had a suicide mission and kept falling off the top! The seats are packed with children and parents, all giving nervy little waves to beloved offspring, and my mum dad and gran are sitting waiting for Only Daughter to sing like an angel (some hope). The teachers are sitting waiting and the governers, and as we approach the stage, in walks The Lord Mayor of London. (Headmistress's brother!)
We form our little semi circle and teacher sits at the piano and, with a patronising Mr Bean equse smirk, he strikes up the first carol.
I hear mum snigger as it starts.
Imagine, 20 teenage girls all open their mouths and sing:
While Shepherds washed their socks by night/all seated by the fire/the beans they ate for tea fought back/and all the flames blazed higher!
The assembled dignataries looked shocked, and the teacher looked horrified, I looked at my parents and thought Dad was having a fit he was laughing so hard.
Teacher taps on his music stand to regain some order I look at the girls amazed they actually sang my version, and listened as the next song started:
We 3 kings of Orient are/ one in a taxi one in a car/ one on a scooter beeping his hooter/wearing a panama!
Giggles issue round the hall by now, quick glance at Parents and Dad jokingly shakes his fist at me, but I haven't done anything.. well.. not really!
A frantic tapping calls us to song 3, we can't mess this one up... can we?
Hark the Herald Angels sing/ Lets all go to Burger King!
OOOOOOOPS!!!!!
By now the Lord Mayor is creased up laughing, and I thought my Gran was going to burst a blood vessel!!
I look at the girls all innocent and sweet with their tinsel halos no-one wanted to wear and hiss "cmon behave!! He's gonna work out its me"
He stands up so the whole hall can see him and through gritted teeth says "Now our solo.."
It's my big moment, I feel sick after this lot pratting about, and there are the parents looking at me.. I can't screw silent night up.. but whats this? He's lost the music!! YAY! I'm saved.. until my best friend Angel suggests I sing Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong instead. Dad's Favourite song. Taking a deep breath, and keeping my eyes firmly on the old goat, I sang it. no one buggered it up.
and I got a nod and a wink from the Ole fella himself!
The concert ended with a rousing chorus of Onward Marmite Soldiers, and we all poured out to the teacher saying Never EVER again..
BOY did i get grounded for that one.. literally I walked in the house and was told you're grounded, take your coat off... now put it back on again and bugger off out, that was the FUNNIEST thing I have ever seen..
hope to have raised a smile and a little bit of christmas spirit
P
Comment