Follow on from my daughter's dilema

[Peridot]

Hi Cacran,
She's so lucky to have you guys around. My mum and dad know the feeling too! How do these people think it is alright to treat people like this. Here if you need us.

[cacran]

Our Daughter went to Mediation. She had to go on her own the first time I was allowed to go in with her. She just answered questions that the lady put to her. The lady said that she was not interested in any details other than the ones she asked.

She seemed very good to me. She said that she would contact the ex, inviting him to make an appointment for a meeting with them, on his own.

He contacted our daughter by email (which is the only way they communicate now) saying " I've got some crap through the post. You had better make an appointment for when I am not working"

She told him that it was he who should make his own appointment.

Up until today, she thought he would have at least made an appointment, but he hasn't.

He has sent her a message, which said," Right 5k plus the deposit (10k) and my paid monthly fees for the 2 years minus the interest iv paid and I will pay the early release fee ok"

That would mean 22k in all.

She relied "No" so he said he will go to mediation and insist that the house is sold.

She asked him if he had been in touch with Mediation team. His reply was,

"No. I haven't unlike you I work Full time and don't get 2 days off to sit on MY sofa. The house is going up for sale don't blackmail me lass."

Where do we go from here? He is illiterate and cruel.

[Peridot]

Hi cacran,
stay strong, see this part through. He is not entitled to what he is asking. Your daughter is at the property with a child who is settled in school and she is able to ‘buy him out’ for what he is entitled to.
The court will take all that into consideration. He would have to obtain an order for sale he can’t just go and sell the property himself.
Stick with it for the moment it shows your daughter as the reasonable one who is trying to deal with this situation. He is being vile. She needs to try and ignore his stupid rantings and start believing she is the better person in all this.
I appreciate it is really hard to do but she will come out the other side and in time will truly believe in herself again.

[cacran]

Just an update on my Daughter's problems.

Following Mediation, things seem to be on an even keel. The ex showed himself up a bit at the joint mediation session. An agreement was decided upon.

Pretty sure ex is accepting a reasonable offer. He has contacted my daughter apologising for his behaviour.

Daughter has arranged to see solicitor this week. Hopefully this will be resolved.

I will post when it is. I just want to say that you people on this site have been a great help and support for me. I cannot thank you enough.

[Peridot]

Hi Cacran,
So pleased things seem to have settled down a bit and they have managed to reach an agreement. Really helpful getting updates.

[cacran]

Solicitor has given her further advice. The advice is that she needs to make a Will. This is mainly to do with guardianship of her daughter, should anything happen to her. He said this needs to be done very soon. She told him that it was just added expense at the moment.

I do agree that this needs to be done, also that we can do without this financial burden, on top of all the rest of the expense but looking forward, it needs to be looked at.

The best way to deal with this, I think, is that Guardianship goes to our Son, The little girl's Uncle. Daughter agrees too. As we are getting older and might not be around for long, we think that this is the only way. What are your thoughts?

Does this have to be done through the solicitor or can she make a Will following a template, on line?

My husband and I want to make a 'mirror' Will. Can we do this ourselves?

I do not really want a Solicitor to be Executor to be a solicitor. Is it legal to have someone we know and trust to do this?

[Peridot]

Hi Cacran,
provided there is nothing complicated you should be able to deal with the wills yourselves. As far as guardianship is concerned do be aware anyone with parental responsibility would have to agree in the event your daughter died. However it shows your daughter’s intention and is sensible to give her indication in her Will.
you do not have to appoint a solicitor as an executor. You can appoint whoever you choose as executor. Asking someone you trust to honour your wishes is often the best way. It is also sensible to appoint alternative executors in the event the initial execs are unable or unwilling to act.
it is sometimes sensible to appoint solicitors if the estate is complicated or there are issues that could cause major problems within family for example but not necessary. If you have someone you trust then appoint them but do ask first.

[cacran]

Hi Cacran,
provided there is nothing complicated you should be able to deal with the wills yourselves. As far as guardianship is concerned do be aware anyone with parental responsibility would have to agree in the event your daughter died. However it shows your daughter’s intention and is sensible to give her indication in her Will.
you do not have to appoint a solicitor as an executor. You can appoint whoever you choose as executor. Asking someone you trust to honour your wishes is often the best way. It is also sensible to appoint alternative executors in the event the initial execs are unable or unwilling to act.
it is sometimes sensible to appoint solicitors if the estate is complicated or there are issues that could cause major problems within family for example but not necessary. If you have someone you trust then appoint them but do ask first.

I tried to private message you but was not sure how to do it. I would be very grateful if you could give me some advice on how to deal with our own wills. How can I contact you other than through this method?

[cacran]

Another question, (sorry) The solicitor who my daughter has appointed said she needed to have a Separation Agreement arranged, which is not included in the quote he gave her for costs.

As she was never married to her ex, why would she need to do this?

[Peridot]

Hi Cacran,
A separation Agreement can be useful in some situations where co-habiting couples separate. It basically documents any agreement reached with regard to the division of any assets they had between them. Provided both parties had legal advice on the agreement and the possible ramifications of it then the Court would be more likely to support the agreement reached in the event a party made a future claim against the other.
If, in your daughter's opinion, the ex is likely to come crawling out of the woodwork at a later point then it may be sensible to consider having an agreement prepared at this stage. However the advice and actions that have been taken with regard to the house and contents, mediation etc will still be evidence of what was agreed in the event he did try anything.
I assume that he is not pushing for any contact with your daughter's child (I know her daughter is not his but sometimes people do maintain contact with their ex's children)? Separation agreements can also cover contact so may be another reason for considering this? If he is not going to get any legal advice however or the reaching of an agreement between them is unlikely it will be a case of weighting up the costs of battling to reach an agreement against the likelihood of him coming back for a 2nd bite of the cherry so to speak.

I do think it is important that you protect your 'investment' in your daughter's property. This could be achieved by a Declaration of Trust which would also require you being joint owners with her as tenants in common with a Deed setting out what shares you each own. You can then do what you wish with your share, leaving it to whoever you wish by Will. This does complicate your wills slightly as you would need to ensure there is a provision in your Wills to allow your daughter, for example to remain in your share of the property after you have gone, for example. This thread may help:- https://legalbeagles.info/forums/for...s-means-please
Post #12 sets out the Will options, where property is owned jointly as tenants in common.

Hopefully this gives you a few thoughts so you can decide the best route for you, your husband and your daughter.

[cacran]

Hi Cacran,
A separation Agreement can be useful in some situations where co-habiting couples separate. It basically documents any agreement reached with regard to the division of any assets they had between them. Provided both parties had legal advice on the agreement and the possible ramifications of it then the Court would be more likely to support the agreement reached in the event a party made a future claim against the other.
If, in your daughter's opinion, the ex is likely to come crawling out of the woodwork at a later point then it may be sensible to consider having an agreement prepared at this stage. However the advice and actions that have been taken with regard to the house and contents, mediation etc will still be evidence of what was agreed in the event he did try anything.
I assume that he is not pushing for any contact with your daughter's child (I know her daughter is not his but sometimes people do maintain contact with their ex's children)? Separation agreements can also cover contact so may be another reason for considering this? If he is not going to get any legal advice however or the reaching of an agreement between them is unlikely it will be a case of weighting up the costs of battling to reach an agreement against the likelihood of him coming back for a 2nd bite of the cherry so to speak.

I do think it is important that you protect your 'investment' in your daughter's property. This could be achieved by a Declaration of Trust which would also require you being joint owners with her as tenants in common with a Deed setting out what shares you each own. You can then do what you wish with your share, leaving it to whoever you wish by Will. This does complicate your wills slightly as you would need to ensure there is a provision in your Wills to allow your daughter, for example to remain in your share of the property after you have gone, for example. This thread may help:- https://legalbeagles.info/forums/for...s-means-please
Post #12 sets out the Will options, where property is owned jointly as tenants in common.

Hopefully this gives you a few thoughts so you can decide the best route for you, your husband and your daughter.

Thank you, again.

It is very unlikely that the ex will seek permission to see our Granddaughter. He has said that he misses her and still cares for her. He actually only lived with them for two years despite having been around for longer. Our daughter told the Mediator that she would not allow him to see the child. He accepted that. There could come a time when the little girl is older, she will seek him out. He has never been unkind to her but is not a good role model. He swears and his mannerisms are not ones you would wish a child to copy. He does not think there is anything wrong with that sort of behaviour in front of children. He thinks our Daughter is prudish. She is a Nursery Nurse and a fabulous mother. It has always been a bone of contention between them. Wish she had not bought the house with him.

As for the investment in the property; we gifted the original £75k to her, unconditionally. We intend to do the same with the money to pay off her mortgage.

This may seem unwise, and possibly is. We have a trusting relationship with our children. We know they will both be honest with each other.

She has promised that, should she meet anyone else, and should the relationship progress, she would need to have him match her, investment wise. If he couldn't, they would get a mortgage together. There would need to be a prenuptial agreement.

We really don't want to be joint owners of the property. There could maybe be an agreement for her Brother to be a joint owner. Not sure if that would work?

[cacran]

And the house where you live I think you can choose another. And especially this house in which she now lives, I understand is connected with unpleasant memories

Thank you for your response. My post was from a year ago. I am pleased to say that with help from fellow people on this site, we managed to resolve the matter.