Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

[leclerc]

Apologies for putting this hypothetical question here but I think it is an example where the law is an ass. A young person adopted as a child, later on in life, searches for their birth family and finds them on social media. They write a message on there wanting to have contact with them.

Here is where the law steps in: the young person is not breaking any laws by contacting their birth parent. However, if the birth parent even dares to even respond stating that they are prevented by law from having contact via social media, they can be prosecuted for contempt of court. What should they do?

Their options are: ignore them and they may think that their birth parents didn't want them and doesn't care anymore which means that they comply with the law.
OR: they could reply that they are not able to correspond further due to the law and that can means the same as above but that the birth parent is in contempt of court
OR: their option is to speak with social services which again is the same as ignoring the person.

What should they do that complies with the law but does not have a detrimental effect on the young person making contact?

[MIKE770]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

under fundemental rule of adoption the giver gave up rights, this then endevours the adopter to right and true family life (Unity) without hinderance from the aforesaid parent whos decision was taken to partake in giving away their rights and responsibilites.

a body is not just for today and discard to-morrow at a persons whim, rights and fundementals of those involved had to be observed.?

my thoughts

[des8]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

Would the birth parents be allowed to respond, explaining the position, via a third party?

And if the adoptee has reached the age of majority and wants contact, does the ban on the birth parents still apply?
The ban would have been to forbid contact with a child, no?

[MIKE770]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

there has been instances if I remember correctly in the near past after maturity the adopteed can trace original parent only if the original parent gives a final consent to have info/meeting agreed, but the adopted parent be informed of the situation?

maybe others with knowledge as you put it hyperthetical question have a definative knowledge to fact?

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And if the adoptee has reached the age of majority and wants contact, does the ban on the birth parents still apply?
The ban would have been to forbid contact with a child, no?[/QUOTE]


[QUOTE=des8;728598]Would the birth parents be allowed to respond, explaining the position, via a third party? (

use to be done thru sally army etc)? or social worker?

answer above?

[leclerc]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

under fundemental rule of adoption the giver gave up rights, this then endevours the adopter to right and true family life (Unity) without hinderance from the aforesaid parent whos decision was taken to partake in giving away their rights and responsibilites.

a body is not just for today and discard to-morrow at a persons whim, rights and fundementals of those involved had to be observed.?

my thoughts

I'm specifically talking about cases of non-consensual adoption. Section 52 of the Adoption and Children Act 2002 where the child is taken off the parent, the parent does not agree to adoption but that their consent is dispensed with via the court process. I can't comment on the discard bit cos I suspect that the majority of Adoption cases may well not be due to this reason.
[MENTION=39710]des8[/MENTION], contempt of court proceedings cannot be done when the child reaches the age of 18 and majority. Either the child or the parent has the right to look for their biological child/birth parent and there are services that can help.

[MIKE770]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

now you aqre talking of a child being taken off parents = another area - await and see any responses

[warwick65]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

I am no expert but will ask a friend who is a foster carer as well as an adoptive parent. Both her adoptive children have contact with their birth mothers = something that is encouraged by social services.

A lot has changed over the years but the law has a duty to protect the child and all decisions are made in what is judged the best interests of the child- I am not saying bad decisions aren't made , just what the process is.

If the child has traced the birth parents through social media then there is obviously some openness on the part of the adoptive parents so maybe contacting social services and or the adoptive parents may be of use

[Kati]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

I can't give you advice [MENTION=8640]leclerc[/MENTION] ... but I will say, IF I was the parent (and the child contacted ME) I would (personally) go along the

bu***r the SS

route, and do all I could to make the child understand :/

[leclerc]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

Just to give some more context. The current format of adoption is that it is a closed adoption. Yes there are cases where one parent adopts the child of their partner and those instances are not ones that comes within this ambit of my hypothetical.
As a general rule whilst section 51 of the Adoption and Children's Act 2002 allows for post adoption contact, the general rule of thumb is that this is what is called letterbox contact. There is no statutory obligation for the adoptive parents to pass on any correspondence whatsoever, and it may be the case that this form of contact stops or that one party simply does not write at all.

With social media and the issue of a breach of an order of the court there is this conundrum. Do you as a birth parent ignore contact from a child that you felt was unfairly taken from you or do you ignore the child and potential ruin the potential relationship with the child?

I'm not sure whether, in this example, that the law is not an ass in that perhaps clarification should be made as to what to do as a birth parent and that rules are in place to allow the child to be educated in what they can and cannot do. It's a tough one, this question is.

[PAWS]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

Sorry, I may be a bit lost here but is the child over 18?
I know this is different from my situation where technically I had a choice i.e. I signed the adoption papers although I was told that it would be against the law for me to try and find my daughter. I was very young, this is a long time ago and in Ireland. It was also told to me by Nuns who I now realise fed us a lot of bull so I have no idea if it was true or not.
If the child is over 18 then surely they and their birth parents can correspond as any attempt to restrict who adults can correspond with is a ridiculous restraint.
I can imagine this is heart-breaking for the birth parent. To know your child is right there, within reach and you are legally restrained from reaching out to them. To use the law to hammer any birth parent who weakens and responds to their child is barbaric although I do appreciate it can cause major disruption and has to be prevented if the child is younger.
I agree with Des and warwick - Has the birth parent any contact with a humane social worker or someone who can mediate because if the child is younger than 18 and the birth parent cannot contact them the child must be told. It is still awful because you cannot prevent both child and birth parent using social media and naturally the parent will keep looking at the child’s page to see how their life is going.
Bloody heart breaking – sending the parent the biggest hugs.

[des8]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

The other side to this debate of course, is the forced adoption by the courts where the child has been subject to abuse, and the restraint on contact has the very real purpose of protection.
The relationship between abused and abuser,(let alone abused child and abusive parent) can be extremely complex, and I understand can survive years of separation.
Each instance has to be considered individually, and IMO it would be questionable to lay down hard and fast rules, although of course guidelines are necessary.

[leclerc]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

The reason I have kinda asked this question is that I was made aware of a case of a child contacting their birth parent via social media. The term forced adoption is usually used by campaigners where the abuse is suggested to be future harm to the child, ie fortune telling that a child will be abused at some level.

To reply to the child means a risk of being sent to jail for breach of the rules of contact. This is where the law is an ass. If a child of 4 years of age is adopted against the wishes of the parent(s) and say 10 years later searches for the birth parent and makes contact, then the law states that the parent is not allowed to answer. More or less, turning their back on them. That's seems quite ridiculous to me.

[PAWS]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

I absolutely agree with Des.
Now there are definite cases where the child, regardless of what can be seen from the outside as clear abuse, will still feel a desperate longing for their birth parents. There are also, without doubt, cases where the social services have got it catastrophically wrong. My interest in this is so strong as to be obsessive! I will tell you something…. I have seen social workers ignore clear cases of abuse because they do not want to have a ‘show down’ with parents who will tear them apart yet harass and microscopically examine parents that will put up less resistance. Less paperwork or confrontation but they can keep their action numbers are nice and chunky. I know I shouldn’t generalise but I am struggling to find situations where the heavy hand of a bunch of ‘stock phrase spouters’ have actually helped families in the long term.
A friend of mine was a foster mum. In one particular case, she was told if the ‘Dad’ -a very violent and abusive man who had physically and mentally abused all his family -discovered where the child was, turned up on the doorstep and demanded the child was handed over then my friend was to comply without putting up a fight. If the Mum -a meek and world weary physical and psychological wreck – turned up she was to go into ‘lock down mode’ and call the police. BTW, she was also torn to bits by the social worker for kissing foster children good night when she was tucking them in as she did with her own children -even those in her care long term.
Social services think they are experts in human emotions because they have pored over a text book. Individuals and all the variables that make us what we are cannot be learned from a book. A 25-year-old who has gone from middles class suburbia to collage to steady relationship with Ralf (pronounced Raif) will never ever appreciate what life is like for at least 80% of those in genuine need of social intervention. I have helped people who have traced their birth parents /children and can tell you that the ‘prescribed ‘feelings laid down by the social worker ‘experts’ rarely apply -in fact they make things worse. One girl was told she need a few ‘sessions’ with an ‘appropriate professional because she did not have the Hollywood reaction when she met her birth mother! FFS.!
Sorry -going off on one.

[leclerc]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

PAWS, the circles I move in are of parents who have recently lost kids, of grandparents who, not only have lost their grandkids, but in some cases their child as a result of them killing themselves due to the kids being taken from them. The circles I move in is where people believe the system is corrupt and there maybe evidence of targets for adoption within social care. I've worked in areas where there are targets and that can lead to things not altogether on the straight and narrow. I am also the uncle of two kids who were forcible adopted so I am very very biased with a hint of rational thought . However get me into a room with the social worker involved in the case and maybe I'd be asking about hypothetical on a murder defence .

[mariefab]

Re: Hypothetical question: Post adoption social media question

I may well be teaching my grandad how to suck eggs here but.....
Section 40 onward, in the link below, shows some of the underlying considerations for what became 51A.

http://webarchive.nationalarchives.g...or%20views.pdf

The case below gives hints on what approach to avoid when making a 51A application.

http://stjohnsbuildings.com/wp-conte...nt-14-9-15.pdf

The fact that the child is reaching out themselves might, if handled carefully, assist with such an application.