Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

[stevemLS]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

That sounds absolutely perfect, it is what I have been trying to persuade you all along.

When you say "formal and official" what do you mean - do you just mean on paper? If so that is fine, I think you should write from the heart, you are clearly good with words (I just wondered if by formal and official you mean dry and dusty?)

The timescale sounds sensible as well, have you been able to make any progress with the anger management and counselling, hopefully you will have done by then.

I think this approach is absolutely spot on. Use us as much or as little as you like, but let us know how you get on.

[stevemLS]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

Hi @135t0

By happy co-incidence I have just come off the phone to a barrister am dealing with in a particular matter and managed to speak to him for 5 minutes about this. He is very experienced in child care matters and often acts for parents in care proceedings.

He thinks the suggestions you have had so far are very sensible and there was nothing he thought should either be added or subtracted from them. He said (before I did) that the letter should be on paper :beagle:

The most important thing, though, was he thought no sensible judge would terminate contact on the basis of what you have told us. Direct quote "If contact was terminated with every Dad who did something stupid, there would be lots of children with no contact with their fathers."

He thought the timescale you are aiming at is sensible.

There you go, counsel's opinion for nothing.

[t135t0]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

Hi Steven,

Thats great news from the barristers opinion it makes me feel more at ease with things, thank you very much for trying and your concern.

This was the letter a draughted today and sent to her brother, i will also get it in writing and send it to her via the contact centre:

Hi Craig,Following the message i sent last night and receiving legal advice i am adjusting my proposal on how this can move foreward.I did suggest after xmas but i think that is not fair on my daughter as this is not about me or Natasha. I am aware of my actions and i am willing to take the month of October as a learning curb and postpone the visits, but i would very much like to resume contact in November.The rest of my previous message stands, i will still continue to prove myself, i will not contact Natasha and i will seek advice and help on some of the issues i have with my attitude and commitment I have spoken to Daphne and she is willing to have me back at the centre and is willing to pass any formal letter or documents between myself and Natasha.I dont want to have to go back to court with an enforcement order, firstly im at fault for alot of this but also i dont want to distress the mother of my child as it will have a huge bearing on Scarlett to.Please forward this message on to Natasha, she does not need to respond as i will confer via DaphneSorry to message you again and i will not bother you anymore,Kind Regards

I know there is not a huge amount of apologies there but it was what i was happy with, what dya think?

[stevemLS]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

Sorry, I thought we were there but evidently not. I think this is OK for Craig, but you need much more for Natasha, you need to lay it on with a trowel. I told you I was thinking 3 - 4 pages.

These are the things I think you need to cover:

- How stupid you were.

- How much you want to apologise for the distress your actions will inevitably have caused

- That you are sure it was an isolated incident.

- What you are planning to do about it.

- What the past year of contact with Scarlett has meant to you.

- How much continuing contact with Scarlett means to you and how much you want to be a father to her.

- How much you hope you and Natasha can work on keeping a friendly relationship, for Scarlett's sake.

- What your plan for future contact is.

This letter will be, sorry to sound like a cracked record, of huge evidential value to you should it have to go back to court. Spend a couple of hours on it.

[MissFM]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

Sorry, I thought we were there but evidently not. I think this is OK for Craig, but you need much more for Natasha, you need to lay it on with a trowel. I told you I was thinking 3 - 4 pages.

These are the things I think you need to cover:

- How stupid you were.

- How much you want to apologise for the distress your actions will inevitably have caused

- That you are sure it was an isolated incident.

- What you are planning to do about it.

- What the past year of contact with Scarlett has meant to you.

- How much continuing contact with Scarlett means to you and how much you want to be a father to her.

- How much you hope you and Natasha can work on keeping a friendly relationship, for Scarlett's sake.

- What your plan for future contact is.

This letter will be, sorry to sound like a cracked record, of huge evidential value to you should it have to go back to court. Spend a couple of hours on it.

Echo!

And do give it a little time to mature, once written, before sending - at least sleep on it. x

[t135t0]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

Right done it, not quite 4 pages but this was my effort, it has been sent to the coordinator so no turning back. I do mention me alot but this has been about my negative actions.

Dear Natasha,


I am writing to let you know i understand the severity of my actions and i would like to explain and hope you will take time and read this in the spirit in which it has been written.


I was incredibly stupid with the things i said and the way i acted, they were rash and totally uncalled for, i got very personal towards you and your family and i regret everything i said that morning. I understand the distress i may have caused you and this will also distress my daughter and that is not acceptable.


I am planning to seek help to try and fix these outbursts. As you know i am more than happy to enroll on anger management courses and get counselling to see why i have shown a of lack of commitment towards our daughter. Since November of last year the visits with Scarlett have been everything i have breathed and lived for, i always plan in my head what id like to do and say to her, i always picture her face and she is never out of mind. The best time Scarlett had is when we were not supervised by your mum and we were left alone, i was more relaxed and scarlett seemed so much more at ease, she sat with me, laughed with me, fell asleep on me for a few minutes and wiped snot on me. So continue seeing Scarlett again would be amazing, she does need me as much as i need her, i haven't been a danger to her and i have always cherished all my moments in her company i just get frustrated with you and your family, and that is why we are in this predicament right now. Scarlett needs consistency, unconditional love and a father.


I am more than aware of the chances i have had and i am aware of the numerous amount of chances of a friendly relationship i have thrown back in your face many times, but this whole ordeal has not been an easy thing to do, again i am unsure why i consistently have made things more difficult than they should be but i guess that is how i have always done things, used my mouth and not my brain.


My main apology goes to my daughter Scarlett for not being there for her as she has deserved so much more than me and my attitude. I would also like to give a heartfelt apology to you and your family for the way i have spoken to you all, its been rude and quite often nasty. You have all tried to help me over and over and i just have not accepted any gesture any of your family have made and i regret it so much.


However its never to late, i can fix this and i am hopefully on the right track, i know i can be a loving dad and i know i can be consistent and there for her so id like one final chance to maybe prove myself and not take this back to court. I have messaged your brother Craig with a quick outline of suggestions and the direction i would like us to take.


So this is my official letter to you, written by myself in my own words:
I am happy to seek help, i will not contact you until we are both ready to talk again, i will not hassle your family with questions and above all i will not let Scarlett down anymore. I will take September and October as time out to get my head together, work hard and focus on seeing my daughter as soon as i can. If we can resume contact in November, that would be fantastic. I am more than happy to go back onto my final warning at the centre and i am more than happy to stay in the centre without mentioning it for another 6 month period or more if needs be. I do hope this is the start of a new beginning and the start of me being the father i know i can be.





Kind Regards


Paul

[t135t0]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

And yes you read right, i am on my final warning at the centre but she caused that as she stirred stuff and made problems and called me a ****, so i reacted to it and the coordinator gave me the warning and believed everything she said....
just thought id clear that bit up

[stevemLS]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

Brilliant. :clap2::clap2:

(Have to ask, why were you on a final warning at the centre?)

- - - Updated - - -

OK, well anticipated!

[t135t0]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

Cheers man, so the letter seem ok??

[stevemLS]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

Sure does, just what I have had in mind all along.

Hand write it, don't print it.

Make sure you keep a photocopy.

[t135t0]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

cheers man, you have given great advice and the bullet points i followed down to a tee.

i cant do it handwritten as ive sent it to the centre coordinator and she is printing it off and giving it to tasha on sat as shes picking up one of scarletts cardi's i left there..lol

But thanks again to you both and i will let you know if the letter makes any sort of a dent.

[stevemLS]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

No worries, happy to have helped.

Don't be surprised if there is no response, from everything you have said. Just remember, you may reap the benefits months down the line if you need to.

On the other hand, you never know.......

[MissFM]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

Just adding a delighted little squeak of approval from this quarter.

Very good letter - it would melt the heart of an ogre

Keep cool, whatever the response - and if you can't, keep your finger off the fb send button and come and have a rant on here instead! :grouphug: xx

[t135t0]

Re: Will it be years until i see my daughter again?

ahhh cheers, you have both been a great help this past few days and gave me the hope i needed