urgent advice. child protection

[PAWS]

Re: urgent advice. child protection

There is no doubt that you have been through a rough time. I do not know what come back you have re the misaddressed letter –someone else may know what you should do about that –but if you get through this and get a chance to re build your life then you can move to another nice area. Sarah you have done this before and although it is hard to, as Kipling said, start again with worn out tools at least you do have those tools. You are smart and people with fewer life skills have come back from situations worse than this. You hit a big ugly snake on the board and slid down and down but you are not at the bottom. It sure feels like it but you are nowhere near rock bottom.
These things have happened. No matter how much we would like to be able to turn back time and believe me we all would, we cannot. What you should do is change what you can then you will be amazed how many of the other things either do not matter or fall into place. Get yourself back into the game. Get back to your true positive self with the fighting spirit that did get that lovely house and created your wonderful children. Until you are back to your old self you can do little to change everything else. It was a struggle before and it will be a struggle now but show them all they cannot beat you. I have lived in many places and know many people and not one family can point the finger. In Ireland there is an old saying ”those who are rearing should be sparing”, in other words they may judge you but they have no idea what their children or other family members may do and it may be a hell of a lot worse then you have ever done! OK they hurt you and your children’s feelings but they will always be *********, you on the other hand can change your life. And, it will be a life so full that unlike them you won’t care what your neighbours are up to.
Your heart is full of love. Do not think about them or you will be eaten up with hate.
The worst thing that may, and I stress the word may happen is that your Children will live with their father for a while. I know that is not ideal but to be honest it could be a lot worse. Many people have unfairly lost their children into the fostering or long term care system and never know where they are or even if they are safe. Draw a line over everything else and concentrate on turning your life around. It is the toughest thing you will ever do but also the bravest and will the most rewarding.

[PAWS]

Re: urgent advice. child protection

Sorry Kati, I was writing at the same time as you! But you see Sarah, People like Kati (who is much nicer and more successful than your neighbours) and I (well, I'm a bit dodgy but there you go) are actually clashing our posts because we believe in you. Now start believing in yourself!:high5:

[Kati]

Re: urgent advice. child protection

Sorry Kati, I was writing at the same time as you! But you see Sarah, People like Kati (who is much nicer and more successful than your neighbours) and I (well, I'm a bit dodgy but there you go) are actually clashing our posts because we believe in you. Now start believing in yourself!:high5:

PAWS is right Sarah ... there are people here on LB who believe in you and who will support you all the way!

(although I do think I'm the dodgy one :lol

[leclerc]

Re: urgent advice. child protection

Thanks very much for your kind words and encouragement. I am amazed at the supportive messages that have come through and have lost track in terms of whom I have replied to etc.

I do have another whole can of worms regarding the social care system, breeching confidentiality etc. For example, the minutes from a meeting which detailed my background in some depth, was mis addressed and sent to a neighbour who was the village gossip and mother of my daughters classmate. She brought it round the following day and the envelope had clearly been opened. Within a day or two my group of friends and mums with young kids who I saw and socialised daily with (picnics, play dates, coffee mornings, pampered chef parties etc) stopped calling, tried not to engage in conversation with me and more distressing was invitations for my children for parties and play dates at the park, completely stopped. This had a huge negative effect on my depression, addiction , confidence and self worth.

Cause and affect for a serious breach of the Data Protection Act 1998. Complaint is a must on the DPA issue alone.



Whilst my house was repossessed, I could have ridden the storm and kept the house, but life was so changed after this mistake of theirs, I no longer thought we could live there. I had been there for 10 years and it was next door to good school, with village green and good play park opposite the house. They had play room and their own bedrooms and a well established large woodland garden.

As you can see I am very bitter about this, especially since life has been so hard since then. But feel it unwise to rub them up the wrong way when our situation is so serious. Would love to know your thoughts. Anyone?

Thanks

Post 9 above was written by someone who I know who was having issues posting on here due to logging in issues. I asked them to write something because they have lived with addiction and have been clean for many years but they have experienced some of the things that you are going through.
This is what she was saying about support. If you are only relapsing when the kids are not around then that is the time when you need support from people in similar circumstances to you.
Your complaint can be emailed to your county council, however, what you need to do is to google your area and the chief executive of the council because that is who you will email the compaint to. You may well be advised that the information was sent to the mother of a parent of your daughter's and it has clearly been read by her and information been passed to other parents. This is an extremely serious case of a breach of confidentiality.

Are you addresses similar, ie same street by say 47 instead of 74? That will no excuse the breach but it will mean that we know that they will be claiming it is a mistake.

[sarah nicholson]

Re: urgent advice. child protection

Thanks again for your thoughts and to be honest am quite emotional reading the posts. The cynic in me is thinking how people can believe in me that don't know me is crazy when I don't believe in myself any more. Much appreciated anyway. You mention a SAR request. Excuse my ignorance, but what does this mean and how can it help?

I wont expect a reply over weekend don't worry! Thanks

By the way, if I have had posts from several people at LB, if I reply in general just to one post, will the other contributors also get it? Or should I reply to each post?

[sarah nicholson]

Re: urgent advice. child protection

Argh. Just written a really long reply and lost it. I only have my phone to get internet and I backspace without realizing as touchscreen buttons so small!

Will have to come back to this soon!

[leclerc]

Re: urgent advice. child protection

Sarah, answer in whichever way you feel gives information.

A SAR is a Subject Access Request which means you can request all information held about you from an organisation.

[sarah nicholson]

Re: urgent advice. child protection

Hi, it's been a while since I last wrote. So much has gone on it's a roller coaster of a ride. Whilst it would seem to most, that surely it is the better scenario if they remove children that they stay within family for a period, whilst I try to get rehab etc. My worry is that he is a liar and bully and fills the children's heads with negativity about me. My son, who has been a real "mummy boy" until recently, now has a very close bond with his dad. I can see poor lad feels disloyal to his dad and when I kiss him goodbye when he goes to dads, he looks terrified and checks his dad cant see him having a hug etc. And in his company he is rude to me and demanding. Called me an idiot and a liar last week. Not surprsingly as I asked their dad if he could pick up some milk as my local shop closed early and no longer have a car and had 2 bikes stolen! The children were in the car, hearing their dad call me a liar.

What I would like to know is what is best way to complain on data protection breech. Are there recommended solicitors that will help me sue? Another council worker (family intervention partnership), who I have dealt with over the past year and a lady I don't feel is supporting me, but she does have a very cosy relationship with my ex, this week had a call from my elderly parents. Its common knowledge that I have not wanted my parents to know the extent of problems as I know it would be too much for them and they would worry themselves sick. However this lady had conversations with my parents, asking them what I spend my money on. Even contradicted what my mum said about having to get taxis, including recently taking my daughter to hospital as her dad refused to leave work. She said that was not true! Surely she should have my permission before speaking with them?

I have so much going on and so many appointments etc I feel I need someone to act for me, rather than complain myself. The original breech, I called social services and complained to the manager. Didn't even get a written reply!

Regards and thanks for your time and thoughts
Sarah

[MissFM]

Re: urgent advice. child protection

Hi Sarah,

Good to hear from you.
I'm sorry things are still so difficult for you and hope you are bearing up - we're all certainly still rooting for you here.

It wouldn't do any harm to make contact with a specialist lawyer and take advantage of the free advice and assessment of your situation:

http://www.qualitysolicitors.com/con...ata-protection

for example. x

[PAWS]

Re: urgent advice. child protection

Hello Sarah
Now pull hard on the reins! First of all stop getting all wound up by the bitching and sniping. That is par for the course when a family splits and can last for a while. My friend’s son used to threaten to kill her in her sleep for leaving his dad and his dad was the sort of guy who would have encouraged him when he went to stay with him! Now however he has returned to being a darling and although he still sees his dad occasionally, shows his mum great respect and love. You don’t need me to tell you that this is a traumatic time for your kids and they do not have the life skills you have!
If your kids are with their dad for a while it will not mean the will be put off you for life. Have a bit of confidence in yourself for heaven’s sake. You have poured love and caring over these children for so long and right now they can only see someone who is angry, sad and lashing out so even if he is saying rotten things and they are lashing out at you remember it is natural for us all to lash out at the people we love most in times of extreme stress.
I really, really would advise you to forget taking on the world. You are normally a strong, brave and independent woman but right now you are very vulnerable and o be honest if you start big legal battles against these people they will tear you apart right now and knock you back too far and too hard. Use all your energy to get back to being the incredible person you were. Then you can take on the world and win!!!!

[sarah nicholson]

Re: urgent advice. child protection

Your post has brought tears to my eyes. You are the most amazing person, trying to inspire my broken heart and soul that is so tired of the fight I honestly don't think I can carry on much longer and if my children go, I can not imagine where I will get the strength to continue. My son has now said he wants to go and live with his dad. I asked him why he prefers be ing there and the only thing he can say is he just likes it more because he has friends there. Whereas we have lived in this town for just a year and whilst he made a close friend at Preschool, who we had over on play dates, he hasn't formed and special friends at school, his teacher says he gets on with everyone. At 5, I feel it too young to be out of sight, whereas at his dads, they live I a small village locatin with a park at the back of house and they allow him to knock for his friends and play at park freely. I asked him if he would not miss me, and he said" not much, but I will still see you when I do". For his first 4 years we were stuck like glue. I never had a night away from him. But since his relationship with his dad has blossomed, exacerbated (not correct word I know) by sharinga bed with his dad, which I tried and succeeded in getting him into his own bed after 4 years!

Battery about to die. Thanks

[PAWS]

Re: urgent advice. child protection

Hello Darling Sarah
It is time to recharge all your batteries! You must be totally worn out and fed up but you are still alive and kicking!
There are mothers, and certainly not women who would be regarded as bad mothers, who have moments when they wish they had never had children. For every mother that has a moment like that there are a thousand children who tell their parents they wish they had never been born/ had been adopted or simply hate their parents.
That is a fact. Many children, especially during a period of unsettlement, will lash out especially at the parent whose love they take for granted. It is human nature. The people we love most and do the most for us are the people we often hurt the most. Your son is a child. At the moment he does not realise how much this is hurting you. The tough thing is that as the parent, you have to try and keep it together and never let that hurt affect your common sense.
You are not losing your children for ever. Your children are not going to a stranger or to the other side of the world for the rest of their lives. Yes it hurts that he is happy to go to his dad but would it be easier if the court decided he had to go and he had to be dragged screaming from your arms? No. I don’t think so. Parents often have to sacrifice their own happiness in order to do the best for their children. You said you would die for your children and I believe you but you have to start living for them. If you do not take this opportunity to regain the strong person you were (and that is still inside you) before all this ***t hit you then not only will you lose them for good; they will also lose their mother. They will only ever have one mother-you. You are unique in their lives.
Just look at all you have done in your life. You did so much from a standing start. This is not a standing start as you have had a boot up the behind to get you started. Get the old Sarah back and your children will follow. Lose this opportunity and you could lose everything. There a so many parents out there who are separated from their children.
I Have just given my daughter the first cuddle in 30 years! I did not know where she was or even if she was alive. My life was in ***t order when she was born and I had no choice but to give her up. I then had to decide to get busy living or get busy dying. It was hard. Oh boy was it hard so I do not underestimate what is ahead of you but I did it never knowing if I would see her again. You know you will see your children again. Even if they never lived with you, once you get your life in order you will have a right to spend weekends, holidays etc. with them and slowly the novelty of living with dad may fade. Come on girl –you can do this!