My daughter and grandson

[Shirley Temple]

This is a very long and complicated story so I shall try and keep it as brief as possible, but I'm am worried for my daughters mental health and my grandson, basically my daughter was in a relationship with her 10 month olds father, he is very opinionated and always seems to put my daughter down and has made her feel very low, she is on anti depression tablets,
anyway long story short they split up be decided to live under the same roof for a while until he could afford to move out, then about 6 weeks ago out of the blue I got a call from him saying that my grandson was in hospital as the health visitor had reported them for hurting my grandson as he had some small bruises on his body, they have done test and said they have rights to think he has been hurt and have ordered his mum to be my grandsons 24 hr supervisor, the ex and his mum are constantly putting my daughter down and talking to her like a child and now his mum is threatening to take my grandson to stop at hers tomorrow until this is over,
I have read the papers from the social services and it states that she is his 24 hr supervisor not his carer, so my impression of this is she is not allowed to take him to her house without my daughters permission, the other thing is she is also braking the order as she does not supervise as she is supposed to as my grandson does not sleep in her bedroom but still with mum n dad n she is also not present when he is being bathed,

If anyone has any experience in this are they able to answer a couple of questions,
My daughter now wants me and my husband to be supervisor (she only agreed to her as she was pushed into it by the ex) is this possible?
And is the ex's mum allowed to just take the baby to hers if my daughter says no,

sorry for the long post
Any help is gratefully received xxx

[Kati]

Re: My daughter and grandson

I'd suggest your daughter talks to her named social worker about her concerns ... it sounds (to me) as though your daughter still has parental responsibility, and as such should be able to ask Social Services to look into changing the supervision order.

Have there been any meetings to discuss their worries in regards to the child??

Has a Child Protection Plan been drawn up??

Or a Core Assessment started??

If your daughter is in any way worried about her 'mother-in-law' removing the boy from her care then she needs to speak up. She also needs to tell people about the mental abuse she is subjected to. All of this would strengthen her chances of getting her son's 24hr supervision passed on to someone else.

Have a look on the Family Rights Group forum (http://www.frg.org.uk/discussion-board-for-homepage) there's lots of useful information on there :tinysmile_grin_t:

Remember, there are always people here on LB willing to help and advise you too

Kxx

[Shirley Temple]

Re: My daughter and grandson

I'm pretty sure he is under the child protection act,
I'm not quite sure what you mean by protection plan?
the only paperwork she gave me to read was saying that the ex's mum was to be the child's supervisor there was no time limit on there or anything on there about her being able to remove the child and take him to her house,

I live in Manchester they live in Notts, I travelled down to see them plus my other daughter n grandson yesterday and I had sent my daughter a text asking if her the child plus the supervisor wanted to come to my other daughters house for an hour or so as her sister wanted to see them and the supervisor said no "as she did not feel like socialising" so my daughter saw me and my other daughter without the child, after we went to her house so I could see my grandson and the supervisor tried to be really awkward by saying she was just about to take the child out to see his dad at work"an industrial kitchen" and could I not see him another time so we stated that I had come from manchester a 2 hr drive to see him so n"no I could not see him another day" she was not pleased and had a real go at my daughter after I left telling her that she had taken me there to spite her as she knew she was taking the child to see his dad, and also that the child is not allowed to associate with other children, " it does not state that in the paperwork" and I can't imagine for one minute that SS would not want him around other children,
They are both being really obstructive with me as the dad has now blocked me on Facebook and his mobile so I can no longer get in touch with him that way,
his reason behind it was, the supervisor had taken a photo of the child and put it on Facebook and tagged her son in it n not my daughter she asked the dad to tag her n he wouldn't so she then asked me to and now he has blocked me because "I should have asked his permission to tag her in it"
surly the supervisor should have asked my daughters permission to put it on there in the first place,

sorry it's very long and complicated,

I have told my daughter to call her social worker first thing "I will be too" and to tell her whats happening and to ask about us being supervisor,
I've also told her to call the police if she tries to take him, will they stop her?

thanks in advance xxx

[Kati]

Re: My daughter and grandson

From The College of Social Work (http://www.tcsw.org.uk/standard-2col...?id=6442451142)

The overall aim of a child protection plan is to ensure the child is safe from harm and remains that way. As long as it is in the best interests of the child, this will involve offering support and services to the family. A typical plan would:

• Describe the needs of the child and what services are required to meet these needs
• Include specific child-focused outcomes
• Contain realistic strategies to achieve these outcomes
• Set out when and where the child will be seen by the lead social worker
• Identify the roles and responsibilities of family members and professionals
• Include a contingency plan in case circumstances change and require prompt action
• Describe how progress will be reviewed and judged.

The plan is reviewed after three months and at intervals of no more than six months thereafter. Child protection plans remain in force until the child is no longer considered at risk, moves out of the local authority area (in which case the receiving authority should convene its own child protection conference) or reaches the age of 18.

As your daughter still has parental responsibility for her son, I believe that the police would help if her 'mother-in-law' tried to take the child. If your daughter is really worried that this is likely to happen, there is always the option of calling the 'duty' social worker today for advice. If she did this, there would be a record in the file that her current social worker has.

I'm sorry that you and your daughter are going through this (it's not easy at the best of times ) but hopefully she will be able to stand up for herself and her child with the help of yourself and social services. I'm more than willing to advise in any way that I can, as (I am sure) are other Beagles :tinysmile_grin_t:

Kati xx

[Shirley Temple]

Re: My daughter and grandson

When I tell my daughter that she ins not allowed to take him without her permission she keeps telling me the her sw has said that he has to go to the mothering laws soon so she is allowed to take him, but this is not in the paperwork that I have read, there was also nothing in there that sounds like a child protection plan,

My daughter has just called me to tell me she has just asked the supervisor for her SS mobile number and she wouldn't give it her, so I have just told her to call the off duty SS and tell them and she said that she may not have time as they will only be 10 mins before they are back home, so I told her to tell them they can speak to me n to get a name from the person and I will call them for her xxx

[Kati]

Re: My daughter and grandson

When I tell my daughter that she ins not allowed to take him without her permission she keeps telling me the her sw has said that he has to go to the mothering laws soon so she is allowed to take him, but this is not in the paperwork that I have read, there was also nothing in there that sounds like a child protection plan,

My daughter has just called me to tell me she has just asked the supervisor for her SS mobile number and she wouldn't give it her, so I have just told her to call the off duty SS and tell them and she said that she may not have time as they will only be 10 mins before they are back home, so I told her to tell them they can speak to me n to get a name from the person and I will call them for her xxx

I hope it works out for you and your daughter!! Just give me a shout if you need anything and I will try my best to help xx

[Shirley Temple]

Re: My daughter and grandson

I have just spoke to the duty sw and he looked at the file and it is a written agreement between my daughter, social services and the supervisor and she is defiantly not allowed to take the child without my daughters permission, He is sending a report to her sw first thing in the morning about our conversation and that I am going to call her to Moro,,,

fingers crossed this helps my daughter xxx

[Kati]

Re: My daughter and grandson

I have just spoke to the duty sw and he looked at the file and it is a written agreement between my daughter, social services and the supervisor and she is defiantly not allowed to take the child without my daughters permission, He is sending a report to her sw first thing in the morning about our conversation and that I am going to call her to Moro,,,

fingers crossed this helps my daughter xxx

I've got everything crossed for you xxx

[leclerc]

Re: My daughter and grandson

I have just spoke to the duty sw and he looked at the file and it is a written agreement between my daughter, social services and the supervisor and she is defiantly not allowed to take the child without my daughters permission, He is sending a report to her sw first thing in the morning about our conversation and that I am going to call her to Moro,,,

fingers crossed this helps my daughter xxx

Kati and Shirley, sounds to me like it is one of these moronic agreements that happen under the Children's Act 1989 in which your daughter has "voluntarily" allowed her child to live with the MIL, but if she withdraws that consent then social services might look to take action legally to remove the child from your daughter's care.

Shirley, what I think you need to do to begin with is to read through the procedures of the local safeguarding board.
Here is the link to the Notts one: http://nottinghamshirescb.procedures..._contents.html

Not all of it will be relevant to your situation. Having read all of the stuff by all means ask questions on here as there are people who have had to deal with these situations or have had to deal with social services.
Once you have read the above then there is the children's act 1989 which underpins everything about child protection. Link is here: http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1989/41/contents

Kati, I would add Ian Joseph's site called forced adoption as well since he also can give advice despite being based in Monaco. I would also add that Justice for Families also have people who might be able to advise if it gets to a court stage: Julie Haines, Tim Haines and Amber Hartmann are amongst names I am aware of(facebook JFF page ).

It would probably be good to look into helpful organisations around the area of mental health in the area where she lives as well. Apologies for a lot of homework but we've all had to start somewhere

[Shirley Temple]

Re: My daughter and grandson

I have finally spoken to my daughters sw, and it has turned out not all is as i was lead to believe,
Firstly they are accusing my daughter of the marks on the child,
The child is going to stay at the mil house until the SS have finished their investigation (which could be months),
Apparently I am not deemed suitable to be a full time supervisor because I live in Manchester and they live in Notts, but I am going down next week to see if I could be a day supervisor which would allow me to take my daughter and grandson out for the day without the mil,
The impression I got from my daughters sw is that she don't give a dam about my daughter in this whole sorry situation, every time I mention about the ex or the mil doing this or doing that she had a excuse or a reason for it,

I'm not quite sure what I should do from this point as the sw also informed me that if my grandson did have to go into foster care then I might not be a suitable foster carer for him as I live in Manchester not in Notts,

[Kati]

Re: My daughter and grandson

Oh Shirley ... I hope this gets sorted soon!!

Is your daughters' MIL likely to allow her son unsupervised contact??
Has there been a meeting yet??

I'm not sure what else to suggest (except to continue working with SS) but your daughter needs to be as open and honest with the sw as she can be. Has she old them about the mental abuse??

Hopefully [MENTION=8640]leclerc[/MENTION] will be able to offer some more advice/support too ....

Hang in there (and remember we're here even if you just need a shoulder to cry on)

:_tighthug__by_darkm

Kati xx

[Shirley Temple]

Re: My daughter and grandson

Hiya, regarding your first question I would think so, but if I find out this is happening I will be informing as of this,

I told the sw about how my daughter feels and the things that are said to her but she always seemed to have a reason,
My daughter has a meeting with the sw tomorrow so I have told her she had better voice ALL her concerns to her as this could be the last chance she gets as she's now concerned that the mil will/might make it difficult for her to see her son,

I am going down to have a meeting with the sw next week so they can do an assessment on me to see if I'm am suitable as a supervisor either on a day basis for when I visit or for them to be able to come up here for the odd week so they get a break, however the last one is not very likely as my grandson is going to the mil house very soon as they expect some checks to come back anytime now,,

she did say if I have trouble gaining access to my grandson then I am to call her back xxx

[Crazy council]

Re: My daughter and grandson

I would always recommend getting yourself free legal back-up when dealing with social workers, whatever the circumstances. Even as the grandparents. .

Dont worry about the assessment for you, its not to see if your good enough, its just to make sure your not bad.. and you have the things you need around the house for a child. I would ask them to vary the order, so both you and the MIL are supervisors, at both houses.... This way, your daughter is not stuck under the controll of the MIL, if she needs to escape. Everyone has to learn how to be a parent, baby's don't come with a manual...... Make sure ( am sure you will ) your daughter gets all the support she needs, dont let the SS back her into a corner of being an incapable mum if she is not, and just taking time to adjust...

I would not let her go the the social workers without someone present from your side.....

I was a young parent myslef many moons ago, i have three girls, the older 2 have six month olds.

[leclerc]

Re: My daughter and grandson

I have finally spoken to my daughters sw, and it has turned out not all is as i was lead to believe,
Firstly they are accusing my daughter of the marks on the child,
Have the police been involved since effectively what social services appear to believe that your daughter assaulted her own child? Has your daughter sought out legal help?(it's my personal opinion that she may need to do so). I am going to Private Message Kati with a link to solicitors I am aware of and seek some advice behind closed door prior to suggesting anything on here for the time being due to this fact.

The child is going to stay at the mil house until the SS have finished their investigation (which could be months),
Apparently I am not deemed suitable to be a full time supervisor because I live in Manchester and they live in Notts, but I am going down next week to see if I could be a day supervisor which would allow me to take my daughter and grandson out for the day without the mil,
The impression I got from my daughters sw is that she don't give a dam about my daughter in this whole sorry situation, every time I mention about the ex or the mil doing this or doing that she had a excuse or a reason for it,
In all of this you have to remember that all social services should be following the law ie what is in the best interests of the child.
I'm not quite sure what I should do from this point as the sw also informed me that if my grandson did have to go into foster care then I might not be a suitable foster carer for him as I live in Manchester not in Notts,

To be honest with you, where you live should be irrelevant since if the child is under 9, then the social services have 2 options: either return the child to a member of the family(once they have assessed their suitability) or seek an order to take the child and have it adopted(remember though that the Supreme Court have stated that this is can be done ONLY if it is the LAST resort).

One thing that has yet to be explained is how the bruises came about?

[Shirley Temple]

Re: My daughter and grandson

To be honest with you, where you live should be irrelevant since if the child is under 9, then the social services have 2 options: either return the child to a member of the family(once they have assessed their suitability) or seek an order to take the child and have it adopted(remember though that the Supreme Court have stated that this is can be done ONLY if it is the LAST resort).

One thing that has yet to be explained is how the bruises came about?

Yes the police were involved and both my daughter and the ex were interviewed under caution but the police decided not to press charges as they decided there was insufficient evidence to point the finger at one certain person, it is the SW/SS that are suggesting they think it was my daughter as she had originally told them she was struggling to cope with a 8 month old as she has no support down there from her side of the family and the ex(boyfriend at the time) was constantly working, so she was always on her own with the baby,

As for the bruises (which were thumb print size) apparently were on his chest (suggesting rough handling) and I think he had two on his stomach/side,

My daughter has told me and SS that she thinks these have come about from the child commando crawling and being sat in his walker or pushchair as she didn't always fasten him in with the shoulder straps so he could have got the marks from hitting his sides on the sides of the pushchair, but the hospital doctor has said this was not possible,

I am beginning to think that maybe we might need to seek some legal advice but will it be free? Also my daughter will soon have nowhere to live as the house she rents at the moment is in rent arrears (the ex always paid the rent) and the landlord is refusing to give her her own tenancy agreement until these arrears are paid off, so she is also concerned that if/when she can have her son back she will have nowhere to live (they are always welcome up here but not sure if SS will allow this).

Obviously the child has to come first (which is what I want) with the SS but who's gonna help my daughter? Surely they should also have some sort of responsibilities to help my daughter too.

The sw gave her a number to call for a group called "let's talk well being"whom she has called but has to call back tomorrow to have a mental assessment over the phone with them,

I'm just rather concerned over the both of them, I suffered with deppression in the past and know how lonely it can be so I know how my daughter is feeling and I just feel myself that she needs some support herself,

I have suggested to the sw about myself and the mil sharing supervision but she gave me the impression that this would be done only on a daily basis for when I travel down to visit them, I did ask if I could bring them back here for the odd week so they ALL can have a brake from each other and her reply was "they are going to get one soon because the child is going to the mil's very soon we are just waiting on a report coming back" so she didn't even seem willing to talk about them coming up here for a week to have a break or myself and the mil sharing,

I have told my daughter she needs to tell her sw today ALL of her concerns as it could be the last chance because she is now worried that she will hardly ever get to see the child as the mil lives approx 5 miles away (2 bus journeys) and she also feels like she might be awkward about visiting too ie no I'm going out or I have plans, he's not very we'll that sort of stuff,

Sorry for the long reply xxx