legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

[wales01man]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

Whilst hoping you can reach an agreement with your EX after reading the above I would if I was mediating on this be thinking that you are asking for everything to suit you ,
Instead of setting it all out at the start maybe approach it with a complete open mind as to what she wants not what you want she may feel that this is like a script or written statement of demands.
All of those on here who have offered support and advice want to see you and the EX get this sorted out for the kids you and her must reach an agreement this will take time .
Good luck but remember the children come first mum might use them as a weapon you must not turn this into a war as there will be no winners

[Inca]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

Bobs.......it's all a bit 'busy'...stick to Ames suggestions:-

1) contact with children, holidays, birthdays, overnights etc - CLEAN and nothing to do with house or financial situation
2) Child Maintenance if not already agreed and regardless of decisions in 1
3) House and finances - between you as a couple, nothing to do with the children

And I would also add that all of this should be re visited as you are actively seeking full time employment.and I hate myself for pointing this out but you have no right to expect to be involved in school selections or the 'future' of the older child,,,,she may be yours in your heart and mind but legally she's not and you have no say unfortunately.

Good Luck today and remember,keep it on an even keel,even when it get's crappy

[bobs2405]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

wales01man thank you for your input and its not a case of i want everything to suit me i am very flexible in what can be done and am taking this on with a open mind the stuff i have written is not set in stone it can be adjusted to suit the kids, they are 1st an foremost in every decision that WE both make and i know she will do what she thinks is best for them but like i have said i think it could be a bit more fairer on both of us

thanks inca i know its a bit busy lol but its jus the key issues that i have i won't try and attack all these problems at once but think its better to be prepared everything lol

i know that i have no rights over the eldest but i know that if i dont fight for her then no one will her real dad is a waste of space who can never have her on his own due to a drinking problem and other issues in his life and i do not want it thrown in my face when she's older saying that i fought for the youngest and could not be bothered with her (i really believe thats how young girls gets messed up) and i dont want that for any child but especially my own. although this may or may not happen as i dont have a crystal ball but i just wanna have all my ducks in a row

i just been there to get the ball rolling they have taken my ex's details i think she will go as i told her that i was going there today but i will have to wait and see


it went well i went through some of the issues i have and the mediator said that hopefully after a few sessions (4-5) we could make some headway but now i guess its a waiting game

thank you all for the support and advice and anymore will greatly be appreciated

[Inca]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

IF SHE TURNS UP.....my OH's ex went once....mucked them about and it was held against her at the access hearing. I fully expect you (knowing what we all know) to attend every meeting and make sure you dot 'the i's and cross the t's).
I'm totally on your side re your stepdaughter.....at least she will know you fought for her.

[bobs2405]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

its a big if but i think she's not that silly not to turn up and i will def be there every time i gotta be there no way im gonna go through all this then decide its not worth it lol the I's and T's will be dotted and crossed lol and thats all i want for her she's always known that ive been there for her and i can honestly say if she's scared about anything then i would be the 1st person she would talk to, like she did the other week about what her biological dad said to her she didn't even talk to her mum about it she waited 4 days until she saw me again which im sort of pleased about (not that she had a problem but she can talk to me)

[Inca]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

I have an amazing relationship with my (step) daughter,,I regard her as my flesh and blood too and by God she was challenging little 8 year old spoilt brat when I met my husband, I just did the same as you,,got on with life and here we are.

[MissFM]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

Bobs that all sounds very positive indeed! Very, very well done......and:

One of the best pieces of advice I have ever had (surprisingly hard to follow in practice) is, (particularly in a challenging situation), to have a warm heart and a cool head (so often we humans do it the other way around...) and it sounds as if you are doing admirably on that front so far.... xx

[bobs2405]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

i think all 8 year olds are challenging lol but def worth it

[Inca]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

You think 8 year olds are a challenge? Wait till puberty smacks them,,,,,that's a whole new world...grunts replace speech,the whole world is against them...they go from bouncing out of bed full of the joys of spring to having to be dragged out or they will sleep all day because they MUST BE on their ipads/iphones/gadgets sorting their social life out in the wee small hours (apparently there's something called 'snapchat' ,,our angel sent Dad a pic at 2am!!!)
Oh,,and of course us parents are deliberately spoiling their lives,or showing them up......(and from experience I reckon boys are SO much easier than girls,,boys just want copious amounts of food and being left to it)

[bobs2405]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

inca thanks 4 that def looking forward to it NOT lol but should be ok got a older sister so sort of know how to prepare myself
think this is the way its gonna be when there older lol:fencing:

[bobs2405]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

miss fm thanks but will admit that is something im having trouble doing lol but it is great advice might have to mutter it to myself so it becomes second nature

[Johnysam]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

Hi There,
I already see alot of advice has been given to you. Right now, all you need to do is to have patience and settle thing amicably.

[bobs2405]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

thanks johnysam thats the hardest part when dealing with things but keeping a open mind and clear head

[bobs2405]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

hi everyone got a e-mail yesterday saying that she has agreed to mediation she's gotta go in there for a 1 on 1 with the mediator so hopefully the ball will get rolling soon

[bobs2405]

Re: legal rights for xmas and birthdays please help

hiya every1 hope you are all well nothing new to report still waiting 4 a date on the mediation