Prove ... or not to prove? - that is the question!

[Kitiara]

As per previous posts, my Partner and I are currently going through a residency application for his 9 year old son which is anything but amicable. We have a long (and I mean longgg) list of her "faults", however her only disclosed reason for disputing our residency claim is that my Partner is/was a "violent drunk". My Partner very seldom drinks, and if and when he has a few too many, he is a loving drunk - everyone is his friend, there is no violence at all, quite the opposite. We have to file witness statements for our next hearing, and we have been told that her witness is her 20 year old son (not my Partners), we know that he will have to lie if he is going to give evidence, as my partner is not and never has been violent (drunk or otherwise). My query is .... do we have to prove that he ISN'T this horrible violent drunk they are going to try to portray him as, or does she have to prove he IS? We can call on her daughter (21 years old) who is happy to give evidence that my Partner was never violent (he brought 3 of her kids up for 9 years) She won't have anything to do with her Mum who was actually the violent one (beating her so severley at one point it took my Partner and her brother to drag her Mum off her) but we would rather not have to bring her into this if we can help it.

Thanks

[Inca]

Re: Prove ... or not to prove? - that is the question!

Can't she think of anything else to accuse him of?? GP will be able to tell if he is a heavy drinker..
If he battered her or her kids (specially her kids) she would have involved the police?
The very fact that her own daughter is prepared to give evidence against her will carry weight.
The son will more than likely slip up if he is lying.
My stepkids mum tried all those tricks,they don't stand up when they are not true,She accused me of being a heavy drinker (I'm teetotal).
Make your statements factually correct and she will slide on her butt..it's a sh***y road you are on,but the more rubbish she spouts,the better she makes you look

[teaboy2]

Re: Prove ... or not to prove? - that is the question!

While i don't have much experience in family law issues. I can safely say that as she made the allegation its for her to proof and for you to defend against such allegation. So best course of action is for you to get a witness statement from her daugther to back up the fact that he is not a violent drunk, seldom drinks and even brought up 3 of her own children for a period of 9 years. Along with details of it being her mum that was the drunk and the violent one that was abusive to your partner and the other children (if she was indeed violent and abusive to your partner and her children when drunk). That would in my opinion dismiss the mothers claim and the sons witness statement as being false and misleading and show her for what she really is. Possibly even prove their lies to be a deliberate attempt to mislead the court. Though am not sure if contempt of court applies to family court proceedings.

[Kitiara]

Re: Prove ... or not to prove? - that is the question!

Hi Inca & thanks yet again for your kind & wise words ... she seems to be in her own little world and I am sure she really believes that he was violent etc - funny thing is her ex husband was a violent drunk and I wonder if she is getting them muddled up. She doesn't drink, she had a major stroke in her 30's and can't take any alcohol (which in a way is worse coz at least if someone is drunk there is an excuse for the violence - sort of!) She is just a nasty moo who has an even nastier mouth and I am sure she will get tripped up in court, but I hate the fact that she is saying these things about my Partner, who is the nicest, kindest man I know.

Ohhh and if he was this "nasty violent drunk" why did she leave her kids with him on 4 seperate occasions while she went to America for 3-4 weeks at a time AND ask HIM to marry HER? ..... GRRRR!!!! :tinysmile_hmm_t2:

[Inca]

Re: Prove ... or not to prove? - that is the question!

There you go,,already finding the ways she is going to trip up.She will chuck a load more manure before she has finished.
She is being vile because she thinks it will antagonize you both (now we know she's piddling you off but she doesn't),stick to your guns,little fella will thank you in the end theres a message for you on your profile page hun x

[Kitiara]

Re: Prove ... or not to prove? - that is the question!

Hi Teaboy .... thanks for your help with this, really appreciate it, I did think that she would have to prove her allegations rather than us, but nice to know someone else agrees. She doesn't drink (she can't because of a stroke in her 30's) but she was excessivly violent to her daughter on several occasions, and threw various things at my Partner (glass ashtrays, ornaments, drinking glasses etc), but she never physically attacked him, having said that, he hates arguments so usually walked away before it got to that point.

Our solicitor is unsure about using her daughter as she thinks we should concentrate more on having me as a witness to his son's behaviour when he is with us and his fears about living with her etc. We are only able to have one witness, but a written and signed statement (witnessed by the solicitor) can be used as evidence apparently which may be the way to go ... also there is no cross examination as she doesn't have to appear so no pressure etc. She seems to think that we need to concentrate more on his future than accusations that happened several years ago and can be discredited quite easily with some well chosen words on the witness stand when her son (aged 20 and studying acting!) is cross examined (liars have to have a good memory) we think he will crumble as on the whole he is actually a decent kid and does have some sense of whats right.

[Kitiara]

Re: Prove ... or not to prove? - that is the question!

**UPDATE**

Well we have had the CAFCASS report back and their recommendation is that *L* comes to live with us after he has finished this school year BUT ... Mum is of course does not agree with the decision and is still adamant that *L* will stay with her. The CAFCASS Officer has spoken to us since we received our copy of his report (he actually rang my Partner before it was posted to tell us of his recommendation) and said that "although he has recommended the change of Residency, the Courts still have to approve it and can overule CAFCASS's recommendation BUT it is unusual and there would have to be something the Judge sees that we as CAFCASS haven't" Whilst in Court for a directions hearing recently, the Judge actually said "it's clear where this child should be living, and if it was up to me I would enforce it today" which we are taking as a good sign. My Partner has (on the advice of his Solicitor) had a liver function test done, which shows no signs of heavy drinking, in fact his liver is actually very healthy for his age acording to our GP so we can refute her drunken allegations and to some extent her violence ones too as the alcohol was supposedly the trigger to the violence. Its just so annoying that she can make these allegations and not have to prove them, we are having to disprove them! One of her other allegations was that due to my Partners neglect, *L* was hospitalised, when we had proof to show he was actually hospitalised due to a lactose intolerance, the Judge told her that this would not be taken into consideration or relied on as part of her witness statement, which was a relief to my Partner as this was the one thing that was really upsetting him. She has told so many lies in her witness statement that we can now disprove, we're hoping that the Judge will see her for what she is and realise that her statement should have started with "once upon a time". We have actually been allowed to do rebuttal statements to be sent to court before the final hearing. Her own Daughter is our witness and can also refute these allegations if necessary. His Mum asked in Court if *L* could attend the final hearing as he has allegedly told her he now doesn't know who he wants to live with (he is adamant that he has NEVER said this and even called his Mum a liar), the judge refused this and she has now written to the court asking if CAFCASS can interview *L* again due to his "confusion." We are concerned that she may be exerting pressure on him to stay, we know the blackmail has started already "I'll give up smoking if you stay" "you can decorate your bedroom with anything you want if you stay" etc, even though she was warned in Court not to put any pressure on him.

Our final hearing is set over 2 days 25th/26th April so that the witnesses can be cross examined, at the end of this we will get a final decision - fingers / legs / eyeballs crossed it is the one we and *L* are hoping for.

[Inca]

Re: Prove ... or not to prove? - that is the question!

Gird ya loins,woman....you got a bumpy road ahead,,she is going to beg,plead,shout,scream,swear,lie,cry,pile the pressure on the l'il one,,every trick in every book ever written will be tried. Just keep your cool,(difficult I know) and the Judge will see it for what it is,,and they rarely overturn Cafcass recommendations.

[enquirer]

Re: Prove ... or not to prove? - that is the question!

Malice is an ugly thing. When it is fuelled by a potential loss of income, doubly so.

[CleverClogs]

Re: Prove ... or not to prove? - that is the question!

Why not get him drunk in court, then taunt him? msl: