selling house - money owed to mother ex denying it now

[myfamily2013]

My husband and I have separated and are selling the house.

We were together for 20 years and it took that long for me to realise that he is a narcissist and everything he did during our relationship was abuse, we separated about 2 years ago but due to finances and the first plus/elderbridge complaint still ongoing we could not sell etc. Things after this got very nasty and about 18 months ago I had to call the police due to his behaviour and then take out a non molestation order.

Looking back at emails and texts message from him I see everything in a new light, I was young and naïve when we met (he was 6 years older and had been married and had a child before) and love bombed me and then I got pregnant and we moved in together within 6 months!

But to cut a long story short, he is a gambler and not a good one! he is also a taxi driver. In the time that we have been together he has coerced me to get into debt - he's asked me to apply for payday loans for him, credit cards and worst of all every time he needed money for cab repairs, or money he'd lost gambling he would make me ask my mum (because he knew that she had money saved) which stupidly I did. now it comes to selling the house and he has said he has no intention of paying my mother back!

We never signed anything, but my mum sent a breakdown and listed reasons for each loan - mostly it's the costs of two taxi's and repairs to those taxis and sometimes tax payments (because he never put that money aside!) I have text messages and emails going back a few years where you can see he made me ask her - it's hard to explain but it was a lot of guilt and saying that he felt depressed and that my mum lending him the money for this that and the other would make him feel better and he would be a better person etc etc - I'm an idiot for believing any of it and I see that now as his true personality has come out more and more as he is saying he has not signed any agreement therefore will not pay my mum back out of the sale of the house, he has however on many occasions in text messages and emails said that her would pay her back when the house was sold in the future (obviously this was before we split)

Once the house is sold I have calculated that we would be left with approx 65k each after paying her out of the proceeds, he complains that this is not enough for a deposit to buy again. he looked at buying me out but the payments would have been too high, and that was borrowing probably the same amount that it would have been to buy me out so i can' see that he's going to be buying anything any time soon - especially as rate are so high anyway and also he's 52 so is hard anyway!

I have found a place to rent so 65k is enough for me, I don't plan to buy again yet.

But my question is

what can I do about his refusal to pay my mum back what she is owed.

The amount is 80k

Can I ask the conveyancing to hold the 80k back or even his half that he is disputing? and I pay her my half - I am not denying that I owe it to her and I never would - he clearly has no morals. The thing is once that money reaches him he will make me take him to court for it.

And this part will sound awful but I want to tell him that paying his half back to her will cost him a lot less than the alternative (he has been a taxi driver since 2009 - so nearly 15 years and has not declared his earnings to HMRC for at least 8 of those years!) I don''t want to go down that road but if it was the other way round he would not hesitate!

Any suggestions of what else i can do?

Thanks

[atticus]

Maybe your mother should sue him for what she says he owes her. That said, there may be limitation issues in respect of loans more than 6 years old. She should consult a solicitor.

[myfamily2013]

Maybe your mother should sue him for what she says he owes her. That said, there may be limitation issues in respect of loans more than 6 years old. She should consult a solicitor.

Well he has acknowledged it continuously in writing as well as saying he won't pay it back. We will probably have to take him to court for it but I can't let him get hold of the money because it will disappear - him and his brother have hidden money for each other before! and then even if she get the judgement he will claim to have nothing and she won't get paid anyway! - or will end up with some silly arrangement to pay £1 a week back to her, she's 70 and that would not be fair.

So really the question is can I ask the conveyancing solicitor to hold back the disputed amount, he's welcome to the rest of his half, I only want to secure the amount that he disputes so that a judge can decide

[atticus]

If the property is jointly owned, then why yould the solicitor not pay one of his clients his share of the sale proceeds?

I woukd not accept such an instruction. If your ex will not himself give that instruction to the solicitor, then your mother must go to court.