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After almost 7 years of marriage, me and wife separated in August 2012. I dont want to go into much detail as it’s a very personal thing, but some of the points may be relevant later on.
We have 3 children of our own...7 and 5 year old twins, plus 4 from her first marriage, ages 14,17, 18 and 23.
It wasn’t the most amicable split as basically I didn’t want to leave, but she said the reasons were she just thought we had done our time and didn’t want to be together anymore.
Reluctantly I moved out of her housing association property and into privately rented accommodation.
She went on to benefits as s single mother of 7 children.
Things were very strained for the first 9 months. We argued about the kids, money etc the usual thing during a separation. At one point the police were sent to my flat to warn me about my behaviour towards her.
We both saw other people during this time. However, I knew that if she ever said she would take me back I would be there for her.
For some unknown reason, last year we started getting on, we were both single and gradually we built a relationship back up from the ground.
Since then, we have turned from a couple who hated each other to a normal couple who are dating etc. Things now are better than we can both remember. I visit hers regularly, and we do spend most weekends together. The younger children understand the situation that daddy doesn’t stay during the week because of work....the simplest explanation we can give that makes them understand why we do not live together.
We don’t live together because we do not want to destroy what we have built up this last year and are not ready to take the risk of it all falling apart were we to take that step. One of the reasons we split in the first place was due to the pressures of having so many children.
We are financially independent of each other.
I work full time and do not receive any benefits. I have rent, council tax, phone, water, gas, electric bills to pay just like everyone else.
However, last August, her benefits were stopped and she was accused of frauding the benefits system saying that they had information to believe that we had never split and were cheating the system.
Needless to say she was terrified wondering how she was supposed to raise the family with no benefits.
I provided her with copies of my tenancy agreements, council tax etc so when she was eventually called for a meeting, the case was dropped.
Nothing has changed since then, we still live apart. We have mentioned in passing about living together again, but the time isn’t right. It may be a very long time before we consider making that move. The last thing we want is to get back together and then 6 month’s later things being how they were before we split.
The reason for this post is because she had a family disagreement recently, which has led her to believe that it may have been a disgruntled relative who may have made the claims last year.
We have no proof, but it is a definite possibility given the comments like “we know why he hasn’t moved back in”, “have some more children if you want to be better off”, “watch you don’t lose your benefits again!”
Quite clearly this has upset her and she is now worried that she may get more hassle from the benefits agency.
I have researched as much as I can and the things I have found appear to say that we are doing nothing wrong. We don’t live together, we are not financially tied together; I can prove that with documentation. But she is worried that they may see things differently because we are still legally married.
My perspective is she could have met anyone after me, and be living the same way with them as she is with me now, so there should be no difference.
We have every right to try and work things out, and just like any couple you don’t have to live together if you aren’t ready for that.
Maybe some people seem to think that I have not moved back in because she would lose her benefits and hence we are fiddling the system.
What they don’t know is that the bulk of her benefits are for two of our children who are disabled. This benefit would not be affected if we were to live together. In fact the benefits she would lose are probably less than what I would save by trying to run a household on my own.
I took her away for two weeks recently. I paid for it and took her on a holiday that we both deserved after the past couple of years. And just like any carer, she needs a break occasionally from it all. Of course this instigated further harsh words from this relative about benefits paying for our holiday!
Would appreciate any advice from anyone has experience similar to this, as it doesn’t seem to be a common occurrence.
A
We have 3 children of our own...7 and 5 year old twins, plus 4 from her first marriage, ages 14,17, 18 and 23.
It wasn’t the most amicable split as basically I didn’t want to leave, but she said the reasons were she just thought we had done our time and didn’t want to be together anymore.
Reluctantly I moved out of her housing association property and into privately rented accommodation.
She went on to benefits as s single mother of 7 children.
Things were very strained for the first 9 months. We argued about the kids, money etc the usual thing during a separation. At one point the police were sent to my flat to warn me about my behaviour towards her.
We both saw other people during this time. However, I knew that if she ever said she would take me back I would be there for her.
For some unknown reason, last year we started getting on, we were both single and gradually we built a relationship back up from the ground.
Since then, we have turned from a couple who hated each other to a normal couple who are dating etc. Things now are better than we can both remember. I visit hers regularly, and we do spend most weekends together. The younger children understand the situation that daddy doesn’t stay during the week because of work....the simplest explanation we can give that makes them understand why we do not live together.
We don’t live together because we do not want to destroy what we have built up this last year and are not ready to take the risk of it all falling apart were we to take that step. One of the reasons we split in the first place was due to the pressures of having so many children.
We are financially independent of each other.
I work full time and do not receive any benefits. I have rent, council tax, phone, water, gas, electric bills to pay just like everyone else.
However, last August, her benefits were stopped and she was accused of frauding the benefits system saying that they had information to believe that we had never split and were cheating the system.
Needless to say she was terrified wondering how she was supposed to raise the family with no benefits.
I provided her with copies of my tenancy agreements, council tax etc so when she was eventually called for a meeting, the case was dropped.
Nothing has changed since then, we still live apart. We have mentioned in passing about living together again, but the time isn’t right. It may be a very long time before we consider making that move. The last thing we want is to get back together and then 6 month’s later things being how they were before we split.
The reason for this post is because she had a family disagreement recently, which has led her to believe that it may have been a disgruntled relative who may have made the claims last year.
We have no proof, but it is a definite possibility given the comments like “we know why he hasn’t moved back in”, “have some more children if you want to be better off”, “watch you don’t lose your benefits again!”
Quite clearly this has upset her and she is now worried that she may get more hassle from the benefits agency.
I have researched as much as I can and the things I have found appear to say that we are doing nothing wrong. We don’t live together, we are not financially tied together; I can prove that with documentation. But she is worried that they may see things differently because we are still legally married.
My perspective is she could have met anyone after me, and be living the same way with them as she is with me now, so there should be no difference.
We have every right to try and work things out, and just like any couple you don’t have to live together if you aren’t ready for that.
Maybe some people seem to think that I have not moved back in because she would lose her benefits and hence we are fiddling the system.
What they don’t know is that the bulk of her benefits are for two of our children who are disabled. This benefit would not be affected if we were to live together. In fact the benefits she would lose are probably less than what I would save by trying to run a household on my own.
I took her away for two weeks recently. I paid for it and took her on a holiday that we both deserved after the past couple of years. And just like any carer, she needs a break occasionally from it all. Of course this instigated further harsh words from this relative about benefits paying for our holiday!
Would appreciate any advice from anyone has experience similar to this, as it doesn’t seem to be a common occurrence.
A
A large number of investigations into alleged benefits fraud carried out by the DWP are prompted by reports from others, very few of which are concerned citizens trying to do their civic duty for their country. 
Most are 'enemies' of some sort, 
or people who just feel envious of someone who can seemingly sit at home doing nothing while they have to get up early every morning to go to work and still struggle to make ends meet.
)
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