Fleabite v the world

[Fleabite]

Hello
I found this forum on the Money Saving Expert website.

I don't think there is anything anyone can do but I just want to put everything 'on paper.'

Basically, the following is what has happened and the statement which was produced in court.

I lost my job in April 2010 due to redundancy


Despite feeling optimistic at first, I am still out of work 4 1/2 months later

My only income is Job Seeker’s Allowance and I have been struggling to pay my debts each month with savings. However, I knew that after August I would have no money left and, as I had no prospect of a job – even a temporary one, I would have to declare myself bankrupt. I had never missed payment before and, as an accountant, if I was made bankrupt I would no longer be able to be a member of my profession.

All this was obviously causing me a great deal of stress and I was not eating or sleeping properly. I had not eaten since 5pm the day before the incident.

When I saw my sister in mid August she urged me to go to the doctors. I went on 20 August who said I was depressed amd put me on anti-depressants. I was told that they could take 2 weeks or more to take effect and I could feel worse before I got better.

I don’t know if this was the case but the night before 1 September, I had a particularly bad night. I was very restless and could not sleep and also suffered with extremely bad night sweats (I am going through the menopause)

My partner works alot from home and he has a demanding job. Obviously, my stress and the restless nights were having an effect on him too. The morning of 1 September he was very angry and said that he could not carry on like this and was losing money and would quite likely lose his job because of me. He said he wanted me to move out (the flat is solely his)

I was devastated. I had no job, was about to go bankrupt, unable to continue in my profession and now I was going to lose my relationship and be homeless – everything in my life was a failure

I really didn’t think I had anything to live for. I went out and bought packets of paracetamol and a bottle of vodka. I realise now as I was feeling suicidal I should have gone to hospital or doctors as per the information from the tablets. However, my mind did not comprehend this; I just felt I could not go on and wanted to get rid of the pain I was feeling.

I was hoping to find a country road to park. However, I was crying so much I could hardly see and turned into Sturdy’s Castle car park. It is quite big and there were not many cars so I could park away from everyone.

I started taking the vodka and tablets, but only got as far as about 12 when I started to gag and couldn’t take any more as I knew I would just throw them up again. I couldn’t even commit suicide properly.

I cried and cried and although I really cannot remember doing so, I now know that I must have drunk the rest of the vodka,


I do not know exactly what time it was but from the reports I guess around 6pm. I knew I couldn’t stay in the car park and decided to go back to see if anything could be salvaged from the relationship.

I turned right from the car park, believing it to be clear and I collided with a car which I didn't see (I think it came from the slip road almost opposite). Thankfully,
no-one was hurt, although I was shaken up.

Please believe me that my actions were completely out of character and I am truly devastated by what I have done. I have never been in trouble with the police before and my driving licence is completely clean.

My situation at the moment is that I am staying with my son (on the sofa). However, at my doctor’s appointment last Friday he gave me a letter for the housing department explaining my situation and hopefully they will be able to sort something out although, of course, I do not know when or where.

The court postponed my sentence for a pre-sentence report, which I am going to tomorrow. I have to go to court for my sentence on Tuesday 5 October. At the moment I am claiming Employment and Support Allowance due to my depression.

The only 'good' thing is that my ex-partner is allowing me to stay at his flat until things are sorted out with courts and debts. We are not a couple however - I think he feels an element of guilt. He's not a bad person.

I am scared that I may be going to prison as the reading was very high (97mg).

I am sure that people will castigate me for driving in that condition and I utterly condone it.

Thank you for letting me post on this forum.

[Amethyst]

Re: I don't which way to turn

Massive hug for you fleabite (((((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))) )))))))).

Completely understand how things can get so on top of you you don't know which way to turn.

Do you want to write a list of your debts ? bankruptcy is not the only option and we might have some other ideas which arent so career destroying.

I know it is hard but it can be quite helpful to get your head round things and see the situation for what it is.

No judgment at all on the driving incident, good luck with the presentence report tmw. You have a doctors report for that too ?

Welcome to the site, rant as much as you like xx

[Sapphire]

Re: I don't which way to turn

Hi Fleabite and welcome to Beagles.

Firstly no one on here is going to castigate you for whats happened, believe me there's a lot of us on here (including myself) who have been to the depths of depression and know exactly what you are talking about and how you are feeling. We have an excellent 'private area' just for people like us, we can rant, rave and get things off our chests as much as we like and no one judges you, we just support each other in there.
If you would like access then send me a pm and I will ask admin to let you in.

Regards your debts, we can try to help you with these also, so please can you list EVERYTHING you owe, we will ask you questions and together will be able to work out a way forward. Hopefully we can avoid you declaring yourself bankrupt, although this depends on the level of debt and how far you have got down the road with this.

Then once all this is done and you are starting to feel stronger in yourself then you can start looking for another job, you will feel more positive once everything is in place and will be able to concentrate on going forwards.

Remember this is not the end, it is a blip, just think of it as like a lightbulb going out. Its time for a new lightbulb thats all, and a new start.

(((((Hugs)))))) and lets get through this.

[scottishlass]

Re: I don't which way to turn

Hi Fleabite and a warm welcome to legal beagles, we all help one another here and without them I don't know where I would have been, there is light at the end of the tunnel,it's just a bit of ride to get there, but with help and support you can do it.

((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

SL xxx

[enaid]

Re: I don't which way to turn

So there you are, now you know your not alone others have been there and come out of it ok and if you let us help I am sure you will too.
Get your health sorted first and foremost, then you can tackle the rest.
Enaid x

[shamen]

Re: I don't which way to turn

*hugs* to you. I know youc ant really see it right now, but as the others have said things will get better. Take my word, I have been there - same situation near enough just many many years ago. We all make mistakes in life, sometimes thats drink driving for whatever reason. Took me a good few years to stop beating myself up when I did it, I hope you can realize (like i eventually did) it was just a mistake and we are all entitled to make them sometimes.

While every drink driving judgement is different, mitigating circumstances and remorse can help a lot in the magistrates court. Perhaps a letter from your doctors outlining the problems you had been having along with a statement from yourself about what you have been going through, what you felt at the time and what help you have sought to get you back into the swing of things again. Show your regret, show what you have done to move on and show how you are making steps to ensure you do not get to that position again - the court will take note of those . To give you an idea, I know recently a friend of mine was way way higher on the mg reading than you were and was just being an idiot driving home from a night out - he got an 18 month ban and a 350 pounds fine, along with some community service. From what I gather, jail for drink drivers tends to be for very excessive cases, repeat offenders or cases where damage to person (or uninsured serious damage to property) came into play.

As the other lovelies here also said, bankrupcy is not the only way. If you are on benefits and technically homeless you definitely fall into the hardship category. I know how horrible it must be after a long period of hardworking career, but the right opportunity will come along for you when the timing is right, i promise (took me over 6 months and I have 16+ years experience in my field)

All the best, please dont worry yourself. You can get yourself back on your feet and in time it will happen. You will look back to this low point in your life and really appreciate the higher points of your life you will achieve in future.

xxx

[Fleabite]

Re: I don't which way to turn

Thank you so much for your warm replies.

I admit that I did think I would get some abusive remarks as I know much of the situation I am in is my own fault.

I will report back tomorrow when I have had the pre-sentence interview.

I am hoping it will not be as bad as I think, although they do say to allow
1 1/2 hours!

I hope after I know what it happening to me on the prosecution front I can then tackle the debts (circa £40k - nothing to do with ex-partner).

Everything just seems too much. I just don't know how I got into this mess. If I could curl up under the duvet and sleep forever I would be thankful. It would mean that my wonderful family would not have to worry themselves about me.

Thank you again for your responses.

FB

XXXXXXXX

[Amethyst]

Re: I don't which way to turn

Your wonderful family would much rather worry about you than mourn you xx

Best of luck tmw, come back after and tell us about it, rant, whatever, just don't go and hide x

[dogged]

Re: I don't which way to turn

Hope things get better soon for you, makes my problems seem small:beagle::beagle:

[Fleabite]

Re: I don't which way to turn

Hi there

Sorry for the late reply, but I have been a bit down.

The PSR was daunting in that it was over 2 hours and the probation officer was quite firm. But having said that she was understanding too that this was not a typical occurence and was due to my mental state at the time.

She has therefore recommended that as I cannot pay the fine (no money) and am unable to do community service (as signed off sick) that I should get a supervision order or conditional discharge. My ban may also be longer. The trouble is that these are only recommendations by the Probation Office and so could be over-ruled.

So, I really won't know what's happening until Tuesday 5 October.

Obviously this is my main concern but I would also appreciate advice about another.

It seems my car will be written off (will get about £1100). This means I have some money to pay my creditors over and above the £3 - £5 I have offered them. I have 6 creditors in total - 1 has accepted £5 for 3 months, 1 has still to decide and the others have refused).

So I will be able to pay a bit more in the short term, but I am concerned that if after offering the £3 to £5 and then paying them whatever it is I can allocate between them from this money, that they will not believe me when I say I do not have any more funds.

There again I feel that as I have some money it should go towards my debts.

Thank you for your help.

FB
XXXXXXXXXXX

[shell]

Re: I don't which way to turn

Hi Fleabite.

Hope you are feeling a little better today.

Just trying to get my head around the avoiding bankruptsy thing. Hope you don't mind me asking you a question.

Do you have any assests that a bankruptsy court could sieze?

The reason I am asking this is because if you don't, this needs to be explained to your creditors. For them to make you bankrupt without there being something in it for them will be a waste of time and their money. It might just be the thing you need to delay things until you get back on your feet.

As for the car insurance money, I'm not so sure you should be paying it all to your creditors. You mentioned earlier about getting a housing assosiation flat, well I'm sure you will be needing things for that, so don't be too hasty in paying it all out.

shell.

[Fleabite]

Re: I don't which way to turn

Hi Shell

Thanks for your reply. Please ask any questions as I need all the help I can get!

I do not own any property, car or valuable items.

The only 'assets' I have are 2 pension funds (frozen) together worth about £60,000 and a term insurance for £32,000 expiring in 2018. I don't mind giving these up if I can get rid of my debts, but not sure if this is possible.

Anyway any help anyone can give me is much appreciated and I hope I may be able to think (a little bit) straighter when I have been to court tomorrow.

I am really not looking forward to it. Now I know what it's like it is much more scary to face this time.

FB

PS Silly question, but I am new to posting on forums - how do you say thanks?

[shamen]

Re: I don't which way to turn

Bottom right of each post is a little thanks button, you can click that to thank people.

Something else to bear in mind - if you are due 1100 from the car write off, do you know when you are due to get it? If I were in your shoes I would use some of that to pay your fine instead of paying non priority debts with it, as opposed to getting supervision order or longer ban? Though downside there being if you do not know a concrete date you will get the payment, then how can you tell the court you can pay by a certain date.. When I was fined, i was on JSA and the court took this into account and let me pay at i think £6 per week? this is also a good read http://www.insolvencyhelpline.co.uk/...ourt_fines.php

Best of luck tomorrow, I think its going to go better than expected for you.

xx

[Caspar]

Re: I don't which way to turn

Hi and welcome,

I'm new so not going to try to advise you debt wise, but just to let you know you are not alone. I used to be a headteacher and was retired on ill health 8 years ago. I too had several suicide attempts and was in and out of psychiatric hospital for two years. 16 months ago I had a massive relapse and am still extremely poorly, but I do know one thing and I cling on to this. Last time I came out of it eventually - life didn't seem worth living and everything went wrong, hence me ending up in debt. This time I have done all I can - even sold my house, but still have big problems. I have again been suicidal and try hard to cling on to the fact that you do come out of it eventually.

Well done for talking about it. NEVER feel ashamed - nowadays it's one of the first things I tell people. True friends will never chastise you but will take you for who you are. Strangely, the more I talk about it with people, the more people tell me that they or another of their family has had a similar problem.

I understand exactly how you feel - I feel the same at the moment, but life does go on and it is NOT worth ending over money worries. Worst case scenario as I see things now is I go bankrupt. So what? I lose material things. Do I still have people who love me - yes! Can I make a fresh start - yes! Does it matter that I lost a high powered job - NO! I now deliver chinese takeaways for a living despite having three degrees and god knows how many post graduate qualifications. This illness is a blip and when you're that way inclined it would be foolish to think you may not have another blip at some stage in the future - the medics will tell you this. BUT life IS worth living and despite all your problems, things WILL work out. Trust me, I've been there, done it and come out the other side and am now back in what is a cruel, Evil illness that tries to destroy you and everything you are and have. Don't let it! If you want to chat, pm me and I'll happilly give you my phone number or phone you if you give me yours. I'm not a counsellor, but know exactly where you're at!

Take care - wish I could give you a massive hug and look after you through this!

David

[Fleabite]

Re: I don't which way to turn

Hi All

Sorry for the delay in replying to you all and once again many thanks for your support - David's comments certainly rang true.

It has taken me a few days to get over going back to court and the stress of it all. I suppose I also thought that getting this out of the way would be like a magic wand and I would feel better.

The truth though is that although I do feel very relieved I don't have to go back to court (I was lucky I think and had an understanding magistrate - just the 1 this time and not 3 as before, who fined me £220 which I can pay in instalments and a 2 year ban (which is reduced to 18 months if I do an 'awareness' course) my problems of course started before all the extra complications.

So I still need to tackle the depression, joblessness and the debts, which unfortunately have a knock-on spiral effect - at the moment it's a downward one, but with the support here I am sure it will turn about.

I think as now my main problem is debt I shoud leave the Welcome Board and start a new thread in the appropriate area.

However, if it is possible to move my 'history' over to the debt thread, it may save some explaining. Perhaps someone could advise.

Hopefully, I will 'meet' you all again in the Debt area.

Thanks again for the support
FB