advice needed for joint tenancy (at risk of losing my home)

[Unregistered]

Hello,

Ill try and keep this as simple as I can, although it is a complicated affair.

My ex partner and I, moved in together, we both have children from a previous relationship, and a child together (just turned 1).

In February we split after having an argument over how she was talking/dealing with my son (he has possible asbeurgers and hypermobility as well as some long lingering emotional issues due to abuse at the hands of his mother - hence why he lives with me).

The argument got heated and I left the living room, I heard a loud bang against the door so went to re-enter the front room, I tried to open the door but was met with resistance so I pushed hard to open the door, unknowing my ex was behind the door and it hit her in the face.

Im not a violent person and this was a total accident and I have apologised as much as I can, anyway, I thought we were talking things through but alas she wanted out of the relationship.

This however has left us to who is going to have the house, we are joint tenants in a housing association property, if either of us leaves voluntarily then that means being intentionally homeless.

Everything was amicable and we had worked around what was happening and sharing the same living space although she moved to her daughters bedroom and was sleeping on a makeshift bed on the floor. Until two days ago....

She has now on Monday 3rd, reported the incident to the police who are apparently going to phone me to get my side of the story, which they have yet to do, this is in order for her to get help with taking me to court to get my son and I evicted from the family home.

My son is 10 and just about to go into year 6 at school and this, added with his emotional problems, and the fact that his SATS are next year, is going to have a rather negative impact on him.

I have the messages she sent me outlining her plan and why she has reported this to the police after so long and its all to get the funding to go to court, which I believe somewhere should be somewhat fraudulent?

Any advice please as im at my wits end about being on the streets, especially for my son who has had enough upheavel in his life as it is.

P.S her daughter is 8 and our daughter is 1 (so technically any upheavel would not have as much of a negative impact).

thanks in advance

james

[Amethyst]

Re: advice needed for joint tenancy (at risk of losing my home)

Ahh bloody hell. The system for Legal Aid relying on Domestic Violence is so open to abuse. You must tell the police when/if they call the truth. You do not want to accept any form of assault charge just so your ex can get finance for taking you to court, it could have further repercussions on you and your son and daughter. It was an accident and she has agreed that, and is evidencing the reasons behind making a formal complaint purely to obtain legal aid.

Have you been and discussed the situation with the housing ass / council regarding transferring the tenancy into one name and requested new accommodation at all ? and have you discussed ongoing arrangements with your ex for your daughter ? Obviously the situation you are in can't continue - it's not good for any of you ... particularly your son.... have you agreed she is to stay in the house and you will move ? Is there any possibility of private rental for you and your son at all ?

[wonkyfunk303]

Re: advice needed for joint tenancy (at risk of losing my home)

Ahh bloody hell. The system for Legal Aid relying on Domestic Violence is so open to abuse. You must tell the police when/if they call the truth. You do not want to accept any form of assault charge just so your ex can get finance for taking you to court, it could have further repercussions on you and your son and daughter. It was an accident and she has agreed that, and is evidencing the reasons behind making a formal complaint purely to obtain legal aid.

Have you been and discussed the situation with the housing ass / council regarding transferring the tenancy into one name and requested new accommodation at all ? and have you discussed ongoing arrangements with your ex for your daughter ? Obviously the situation you are in can't continue - it's not good for any of you ... particularly your son.... have you agreed she is to stay in the house and you will move ? Is there any possibility of private rental for you and your son at all ?

thankyou for the quick reply!

So far the police haven't contacted me, I will be showing them the message if they do, as I believe what she is actually doing is actually fraudulent and wasting their time....

your right, its not healthy for any of us, I do not want to leave this house, I have spoken to the council and housing association, they have said if I willingly leave, with nowhere to go, then I will be making myself and my son intentionally homeless. I am also under the intention that she wanted to leave the relationship so, technically she should be the one doing the leaving, I really do not know what planet she is living on in regards to that, I was always under the assumption that if your not happy then you leave. You cannot just decide that's it, its time for you to go..... especially as we are joint tenants. I have told her I am not leaving the house and if she wants to leave then she should be the one leaving. Private renting is out of the question due to the high rent rates and low wages around the south west nowadays, I struggle as it is, let alone having to find £400 more a month to put a roof over our head (I work full time she does not..)

thanks again for your quick reply

j

[Amethyst]

Re: advice needed for joint tenancy (at risk of losing my home)

It will come down to what is best for the children, As you both have young children, and a shared daughter, it isn't going to be easy to sort out. At the moment you are battling over who will stay in the house and the atmosphere must be quite terrible for you all.

If you do go to court and they decide one or other of you should take over the tenancy would the HA allow the transfer into one name or would you both end up without a tenancy ? and would the HA then see you (or her) as not intentionally homeless and rehouse you ?

I don't know which way it would go if you went to court, your son has his issues and is at a difficult period of eduction, but your ex's daughter is younger, and presumably will be retaining care over your 1 year old daughter ? You work full time and your ex would be reliant on benefits ? I'm thinking if you took the issue to court without the extra difficulty of legal aid requirements and domestic violence being thrown in the mix. Might be worth getting an appt at CAB or a law centre to talk through it?

[wonkyfunk303]

Re: advice needed for joint tenancy (at risk of losing my home)

It will come down to what is best for the children, As you both have young children, and a shared daughter, it isn't going to be easy to sort out. At the moment you are battling over who will stay in the house and the atmosphere must be quite terrible for you all.

If you do go to court and they decide one or other of you should take over the tenancy would the HA allow the transfer into one name or would you both end up without a tenancy ? and would the HA then see you (or her) as not intentionally homeless and rehouse you ?

I don't know which way it would go if you went to court, your son has his issues and is at a difficult period of eduction, but your ex's daughter is younger, and presumably will be retaining care over your 1 year old daughter ? You work full time and your ex would be reliant on benefits ? I'm thinking if you took the issue to court without the extra difficulty of legal aid requirements and domestic violence being thrown in the mix. Might be worth getting an appt at CAB or a law centre to talk through it?

yeah its pretty messy really isn't it! the atmosphere was fine until Monday, I believe she has someone egging her on as its been since she has been associating with this person again that this has all flared up. Yes on all the others though, her daughter is 8, and she will be retaining custody over our 1 year old, although I feel I am going to have to fight to get an agreement in place so I can have access, she can be quite spiteful towards the ex parent, as I have witnessed with her and her ex regarding her older daughter, I do work full time and yes she will be reliant on benefits, im thinking the CAB is the only way forward in this.


thanks for your help

[Peridot]

Re: advice needed for joint tenancy (at risk of losing my home)

Hi Wonkyfunk303,
I've been trying to find a Housing Trust down your way similar to the Brighton Housing Trust www.bht.org.uk but unfortunately not having much luck. CAB definitely a good call but there may be a wait for an appointment. The other option that may be worth checking out is the Autism Society. There are pages there for parents and carers of all on the spectrum and there is a forum. It may be worth registering and posing the question. Someone may have advice for your situation. http://www.autism.org.uk/About/Famil...Parents-carers
Sorry I can't be more helpful, but if I find anything I will post it on the thread.

[wonkyfunk303]

Re: advice needed for joint tenancy (at risk of losing my home)

good evening,

I hope that somebody can help pretty urgently now regarding this,

so... on 26th July, I had a text from the ex while I was at work stating that I had a solicitor letter at home, upon opening this letter, it was dated 5th July, stating that I have several times been verbally abusive towards her and that she will not tolerate it any further and the police have been informed, also it stated that she has asked me to leave several times, to which I have refused (she hasn't and there was no mention of my son at all).

The letter went on to say I had 14 days to vacate the premises (I received 21 days after it was written) or they would take further instruction under the family law act.

I have my solicitors tomorrow and the CAB cannot help me due to a conflict of interest (she has already spoken to them).

On Friday she left the house to see her sister (all a bit sudden) and I have since found out that her ex has requested some extra time with his daughter, to which she replied to him that it would suit her as she has court tomorrow,

Now one can only assume that she has gone ex parte on it, with no evidence apart from hearsay and a crime reference number (the police didn't even contact me to question me).

So tomorrow I may be homeless with a ten year old with health/asbergers issues, what do I do, also I am concerned for my belongings because, if they allow this order, I will not be able to collect my belongings (cameras, tv, xbox etc etc.. ) and this I am concerned about as well as being homeless, not to mention all our clothes, etc.. etc.. etc...

I am at my wits end with this.


kind regards

[Kati]

Re: advice needed for joint tenancy (at risk of losing my home)

[MENTION=6]Amethyst[/MENTION] [MENTION=85500]Peridot[/MENTION] [MENTION=87380]Diana M[/MENTION] ??