Tweet
Hello everyone and thanks for allowing me to post in this forum.
I am not really after legal advice as I have no interest in pursuing legal action against my employer - I'm actually very fond of them. I would like advice on employee dynamics and whether I should/how to bring it up with my employer. This post will be a bit long. I'm sorry and please bear with me.
I've worked for an organization for 6 years and have been mostly satisfied with the workplace, despite some challenges. I have found the owners/senior management fantastic, kind and supportive, but have not had an easy time with my colleagues.
We work in a call centre. When I started six years ago, it didn't take me long to notice there was a clique. This clique consisted of (Names changed for privacy) Mark (tenure 8 years at the time) Ally (Tenure 2 years at the time and worked in accounts) Jane and Joanne (Both 1 year tenure at the time) I started at the same time as Mary. Mary was quickly accepted into the clique. I never was. No one was actively mean to me at first, but they basically ignored me and I was not included in office chats, jokes or social events. At the time this did not bother me and I just got on with my job, was cordial to everyone and ignored it. I worked hard, made a good impression on the owners and was given multiple pay increases and bonuses.
Just after my first year, Jane and Joanne both left the company. This resulted in a change of dynamic again. It is important to note that Mary & I held the same role but were on different teams and shifts so we only worked together one day a week. Mary remained very close with Ally but again I rarely worked with them both together so it was nothing to do with me.
Owing to my approach of just putting my head down and working, overseeing and implementing some company improvements and projects that impressed the owners and staying out of the office politics, I was promoted, first to a team leader and eventually to Operations Manager within the last 6 years, in addition to the aforementioned bonuses and payrises. Mary has also earned a promotion, but never went further than team leader. Around the time I first became a team leader when I had about two years tenure, Mark started to undermine me in front of other colleagues, criticize me behind my back and generally cause difficulty on any project that we had to work collaboratively on. I again ignored this behavior but it was noticed by others, particularly the owners where, instead of the behavior hurting me, it hurt Mark. As I felt supported by the owners and I could work around Mark, I just tried my best to keep the peace and be respectful to him and do my role as best I could. This actually resulted in several duties being taken off Mark and given to me as he was not doing them consistently or to a high standard. The company started to grow hugely in the last two years and subsequently our roles did also. This lead to Ally starting to struggle as the only accountant within the company. I had some background in accounts and volunteered to help her with some duties, which she was grateful for and she and I grew quite close and formed a work friendship. Mark still continued to criticize me at every opportunity, but with my friendship with Ally and support from the owners, I felt overall happy with the work environment and focused a lot of energy into recruitment, training and growing the company and this peace has lasted for the last 12-18 months or so.
So this has bought us to right now. I am nearly two years into my current position as Operations Manager which is a Mon-Fri role. Owing to the growth of the company, I have since promoted two team leaders and an Operations Assistant who report directly to me and whom I have mentored and coached and am exceedingly proud of, in addition to the shift staff whom I also oversee. I also advocated heavily for Ally to be given an assistant as her workload was getting bigger and bigger and with my own role, I was not able to continue helping her. Mary was picked for this role and was moved from shift work to Monday-Friday so now the core Monday-Friday staff are myself, Ally, Mark and Mary. This changeover happened in May.
Ever since Mary became the accounts assistant, Ally has started to withdraw away from me. I was a little hurt, but understood it as a natural expansion of the fact that Mary was essentially Ally's direct report and was learning Allys role, so naturally they would spend more time together and have more in common. They have every lunch and break together. The three of us sit together since our roles are all management level. Over the last two months or so, Ally has gone from withdrawal to actively and obviously ignoring me. She will turn her back on me, literally turning her chair around, and talk to Mary loudly about what they did together on the weekend or what their plans are. If I try to initiate any conversation, I'm met with silence. Sometimes Ally makes under her breath snide comments at me (One day when we were short staffed, Ally muttered that maybe I should be put back on shift, which would imply a demotion. This is also exceedingly offensive as I am not the kind of manager who refuses to pitch in on short staffing and have worked plenty of weekends or evenings which aren't my usual hours in order to fill gaps in staffing) I also often hear Ally's and Mary's phones going off together at the same time which gives me the uncomfortable feeling I am being talked about, although I can't prove that. Ally is also particularly argumentative with me and exceedingly critical. She'll also interrupt my conversations with other colleagues or with senior management to insert her opinion, even where the conversation didn't concern her. Mary on the other hand is nice enough but has become extremely lazy. She leaves dishes in the sink in the communal kitchen, bounces phone calls to others, leaves early and outside of the role she does with Ally, she does no other work or duties (This is Allys primary role. Mary is there to assist with the excess and cover if Ally is away or sick. The Accounts Assistant role is not big enough to be full time, so she is supposed to do a mixture of accounts and the general call work) These are habits Mary has picked up from Ally, but Ally has got away with due to her tenure and being the head accountant. Neither Ally nor Mary are my direct reports so outside of discussing this with the owners which I have, I cannot do anything further.
You may wonder what happened to Mark in all this. Mark & I had managed to reach a grudging peace with one another and I mostly tried to stay out of his way. However about 2 months ago, we found ourselves in a meeting together. It was not a sales or client meeting, just a general catch up with a partner firm. I had my phone with me as I was doing active recruitment at the time and was awaiting a response from a potential candidate. The candidate did come back to me during the meeting and I checked the notification quickly, then put the phone screen down on the table. The whole interaction was less than 30 seconds. At 10pm that night, Mark sent me a three paragraph email telling me I was unprofessional and rude for "scrolling facebook in the meeting" and just let out six years worth of vitriol at me in this email. I was understandably extremely upset by this email and promptly forwarded it on to the owners who were horrified and confirmed I had done nothing wrong and were well aware of why I had my phone and had been in the same meeting and knew I wasn't scrolling facebook. Mark was pulled into a meeting with them and whilst he has never apologized to me, he has been much more courteous and professional to me. I considered leaving then and told the owners that I was thinking of it due to Marks behavior, but they assured me it wouldn't happen again and as Mark has been courteous since, I stayed.
A few things to add for context, I have always struggled with imposter syndrome. No matter how well I do or how hard I work, I always feel I have to do better and do more. The owners of this company have always been exceptional. They are kind, they recognize, reward and promote hard work and have always been flexible with us all around health, family etc. They are also innovative. However I have always felt that perhaps they allow loyalty and tenure to cloud their judgement with some members of staff. They have always given me praise and recognition as a high performer and I have always been loyal as a result and just got on with my own work. I have also not had any clashes or problems with any other staff (Approx 20 or so) and actually have a fantastic relationship with all my subordinates.
However I am now starting to look for other roles. Between the dynamics I've had with Ally and Mark I am feeling anxious and paranoid and dread work. I feel like Ally used me and once I was no longer 'useful' to her by helping with accounts, she just discarded me and I feel Mark dislikes me on a personal level. I am waking during the night with anxiety and am feeling tired, burned out and stressed. It's causing me to lash out at home, I'm not eating/losing weight and constantly have a sick stomach. I'm sleeping a lot. I'm good at masking so no one at work has really noticed, except ironically Mark who enquired into my stress levels, but of course I don't trust him to confide in him. There have also been a few comments from colleagues making fun of my not eating. I can't go back to just ignoring it all like I did for years before as this is much harder to do after you have experienced acceptance at one time.
I am deeply invested in my role, having spent six years dedicated to it. I have introduced innovations, facilitated changes, and contributed to the company's growth. I had been excited to witness the fruition of these efforts. Furthermore, I have genuine affection for the owners and believe in the company's vision and potential. However, I cannot endure the current situation.
I want to discuss my concerns with the owners because I believe they have my best interests at heart. However, I am unsure how to articulate my feelings. I am not being actively bullied, and Ally and Mary are not obligated to include me in their social activities or be my friends. The situation is subtle and hard to prove, making me question my own judgment and feel paranoid. I also wonder if, since Mark, Mary, and Ally seem to have a good rapport, I might be the common denominator and, therefore, the problem. I have come across information online suggesting that strong performers may face resistance from colleagues who perceive them as threatening or resent their success. I am not trying to undermine anyone; my goal is to excel in my role. My success does not directly impact Ally and Mary, as our roles involve different duties, so I fail to comprehend how I could pose a threat to them.
I am well compensated in my position, and as my husband is studying and has two years to go, I am the main breadwinner and leaving without a solid plan would be financially risky. My country practices 90 day trial periods and you can be dismissed from a role within 90 days with no repercussion, so if I secure a new role and do not make it through the trial, it would be disastrous and I wouldn't want to put my husband through that as all the hard work I have put in has been for him and for us. Additionally, I am concerned that if my departure is linked to feeling threatened, the same behavior may extend to my successor which I don't want to inflict on someone else. This leaves me uncertain about whether to leave or stay. Some days, I contemplate that "it's not that bad," but my bad days are outnumbering the good.
The owners have been good to me and I feel I owe them a warning that I may leave if this continues but again have no idea how to articulate it. But I know that if I leave with no explanation, they will be asking why since I am a senior manager and one of their most valued staff. I also know how upset I would be if one of my most valued subordinates left with no apparent cause or explanation and would want to intercede before it got to that. I'm also reluctant to tell them I'm thinking of leaving incase it results in detriment to my role or career if I do decide to stay, or results in me being pushed out and left with no job at all if they think I'm going to take off. I am also considering how to ensure that if I do leave, I don't want to burn a bridge as if Ally and Mark leave in future, I'd be happy to go back.
I appreciate your patience with this lengthy message. Any help or suggestions regarding this situation would be greatly appreciated.
I am not really after legal advice as I have no interest in pursuing legal action against my employer - I'm actually very fond of them. I would like advice on employee dynamics and whether I should/how to bring it up with my employer. This post will be a bit long. I'm sorry and please bear with me.
I've worked for an organization for 6 years and have been mostly satisfied with the workplace, despite some challenges. I have found the owners/senior management fantastic, kind and supportive, but have not had an easy time with my colleagues.
We work in a call centre. When I started six years ago, it didn't take me long to notice there was a clique. This clique consisted of (Names changed for privacy) Mark (tenure 8 years at the time) Ally (Tenure 2 years at the time and worked in accounts) Jane and Joanne (Both 1 year tenure at the time) I started at the same time as Mary. Mary was quickly accepted into the clique. I never was. No one was actively mean to me at first, but they basically ignored me and I was not included in office chats, jokes or social events. At the time this did not bother me and I just got on with my job, was cordial to everyone and ignored it. I worked hard, made a good impression on the owners and was given multiple pay increases and bonuses.
Just after my first year, Jane and Joanne both left the company. This resulted in a change of dynamic again. It is important to note that Mary & I held the same role but were on different teams and shifts so we only worked together one day a week. Mary remained very close with Ally but again I rarely worked with them both together so it was nothing to do with me.
Owing to my approach of just putting my head down and working, overseeing and implementing some company improvements and projects that impressed the owners and staying out of the office politics, I was promoted, first to a team leader and eventually to Operations Manager within the last 6 years, in addition to the aforementioned bonuses and payrises. Mary has also earned a promotion, but never went further than team leader. Around the time I first became a team leader when I had about two years tenure, Mark started to undermine me in front of other colleagues, criticize me behind my back and generally cause difficulty on any project that we had to work collaboratively on. I again ignored this behavior but it was noticed by others, particularly the owners where, instead of the behavior hurting me, it hurt Mark. As I felt supported by the owners and I could work around Mark, I just tried my best to keep the peace and be respectful to him and do my role as best I could. This actually resulted in several duties being taken off Mark and given to me as he was not doing them consistently or to a high standard. The company started to grow hugely in the last two years and subsequently our roles did also. This lead to Ally starting to struggle as the only accountant within the company. I had some background in accounts and volunteered to help her with some duties, which she was grateful for and she and I grew quite close and formed a work friendship. Mark still continued to criticize me at every opportunity, but with my friendship with Ally and support from the owners, I felt overall happy with the work environment and focused a lot of energy into recruitment, training and growing the company and this peace has lasted for the last 12-18 months or so.
So this has bought us to right now. I am nearly two years into my current position as Operations Manager which is a Mon-Fri role. Owing to the growth of the company, I have since promoted two team leaders and an Operations Assistant who report directly to me and whom I have mentored and coached and am exceedingly proud of, in addition to the shift staff whom I also oversee. I also advocated heavily for Ally to be given an assistant as her workload was getting bigger and bigger and with my own role, I was not able to continue helping her. Mary was picked for this role and was moved from shift work to Monday-Friday so now the core Monday-Friday staff are myself, Ally, Mark and Mary. This changeover happened in May.
Ever since Mary became the accounts assistant, Ally has started to withdraw away from me. I was a little hurt, but understood it as a natural expansion of the fact that Mary was essentially Ally's direct report and was learning Allys role, so naturally they would spend more time together and have more in common. They have every lunch and break together. The three of us sit together since our roles are all management level. Over the last two months or so, Ally has gone from withdrawal to actively and obviously ignoring me. She will turn her back on me, literally turning her chair around, and talk to Mary loudly about what they did together on the weekend or what their plans are. If I try to initiate any conversation, I'm met with silence. Sometimes Ally makes under her breath snide comments at me (One day when we were short staffed, Ally muttered that maybe I should be put back on shift, which would imply a demotion. This is also exceedingly offensive as I am not the kind of manager who refuses to pitch in on short staffing and have worked plenty of weekends or evenings which aren't my usual hours in order to fill gaps in staffing) I also often hear Ally's and Mary's phones going off together at the same time which gives me the uncomfortable feeling I am being talked about, although I can't prove that. Ally is also particularly argumentative with me and exceedingly critical. She'll also interrupt my conversations with other colleagues or with senior management to insert her opinion, even where the conversation didn't concern her. Mary on the other hand is nice enough but has become extremely lazy. She leaves dishes in the sink in the communal kitchen, bounces phone calls to others, leaves early and outside of the role she does with Ally, she does no other work or duties (This is Allys primary role. Mary is there to assist with the excess and cover if Ally is away or sick. The Accounts Assistant role is not big enough to be full time, so she is supposed to do a mixture of accounts and the general call work) These are habits Mary has picked up from Ally, but Ally has got away with due to her tenure and being the head accountant. Neither Ally nor Mary are my direct reports so outside of discussing this with the owners which I have, I cannot do anything further.
You may wonder what happened to Mark in all this. Mark & I had managed to reach a grudging peace with one another and I mostly tried to stay out of his way. However about 2 months ago, we found ourselves in a meeting together. It was not a sales or client meeting, just a general catch up with a partner firm. I had my phone with me as I was doing active recruitment at the time and was awaiting a response from a potential candidate. The candidate did come back to me during the meeting and I checked the notification quickly, then put the phone screen down on the table. The whole interaction was less than 30 seconds. At 10pm that night, Mark sent me a three paragraph email telling me I was unprofessional and rude for "scrolling facebook in the meeting" and just let out six years worth of vitriol at me in this email. I was understandably extremely upset by this email and promptly forwarded it on to the owners who were horrified and confirmed I had done nothing wrong and were well aware of why I had my phone and had been in the same meeting and knew I wasn't scrolling facebook. Mark was pulled into a meeting with them and whilst he has never apologized to me, he has been much more courteous and professional to me. I considered leaving then and told the owners that I was thinking of it due to Marks behavior, but they assured me it wouldn't happen again and as Mark has been courteous since, I stayed.
A few things to add for context, I have always struggled with imposter syndrome. No matter how well I do or how hard I work, I always feel I have to do better and do more. The owners of this company have always been exceptional. They are kind, they recognize, reward and promote hard work and have always been flexible with us all around health, family etc. They are also innovative. However I have always felt that perhaps they allow loyalty and tenure to cloud their judgement with some members of staff. They have always given me praise and recognition as a high performer and I have always been loyal as a result and just got on with my own work. I have also not had any clashes or problems with any other staff (Approx 20 or so) and actually have a fantastic relationship with all my subordinates.
However I am now starting to look for other roles. Between the dynamics I've had with Ally and Mark I am feeling anxious and paranoid and dread work. I feel like Ally used me and once I was no longer 'useful' to her by helping with accounts, she just discarded me and I feel Mark dislikes me on a personal level. I am waking during the night with anxiety and am feeling tired, burned out and stressed. It's causing me to lash out at home, I'm not eating/losing weight and constantly have a sick stomach. I'm sleeping a lot. I'm good at masking so no one at work has really noticed, except ironically Mark who enquired into my stress levels, but of course I don't trust him to confide in him. There have also been a few comments from colleagues making fun of my not eating. I can't go back to just ignoring it all like I did for years before as this is much harder to do after you have experienced acceptance at one time.
I am deeply invested in my role, having spent six years dedicated to it. I have introduced innovations, facilitated changes, and contributed to the company's growth. I had been excited to witness the fruition of these efforts. Furthermore, I have genuine affection for the owners and believe in the company's vision and potential. However, I cannot endure the current situation.
I want to discuss my concerns with the owners because I believe they have my best interests at heart. However, I am unsure how to articulate my feelings. I am not being actively bullied, and Ally and Mary are not obligated to include me in their social activities or be my friends. The situation is subtle and hard to prove, making me question my own judgment and feel paranoid. I also wonder if, since Mark, Mary, and Ally seem to have a good rapport, I might be the common denominator and, therefore, the problem. I have come across information online suggesting that strong performers may face resistance from colleagues who perceive them as threatening or resent their success. I am not trying to undermine anyone; my goal is to excel in my role. My success does not directly impact Ally and Mary, as our roles involve different duties, so I fail to comprehend how I could pose a threat to them.
I am well compensated in my position, and as my husband is studying and has two years to go, I am the main breadwinner and leaving without a solid plan would be financially risky. My country practices 90 day trial periods and you can be dismissed from a role within 90 days with no repercussion, so if I secure a new role and do not make it through the trial, it would be disastrous and I wouldn't want to put my husband through that as all the hard work I have put in has been for him and for us. Additionally, I am concerned that if my departure is linked to feeling threatened, the same behavior may extend to my successor which I don't want to inflict on someone else. This leaves me uncertain about whether to leave or stay. Some days, I contemplate that "it's not that bad," but my bad days are outnumbering the good.
The owners have been good to me and I feel I owe them a warning that I may leave if this continues but again have no idea how to articulate it. But I know that if I leave with no explanation, they will be asking why since I am a senior manager and one of their most valued staff. I also know how upset I would be if one of my most valued subordinates left with no apparent cause or explanation and would want to intercede before it got to that. I'm also reluctant to tell them I'm thinking of leaving incase it results in detriment to my role or career if I do decide to stay, or results in me being pushed out and left with no job at all if they think I'm going to take off. I am also considering how to ensure that if I do leave, I don't want to burn a bridge as if Ally and Mark leave in future, I'd be happy to go back.
I appreciate your patience with this lengthy message. Any help or suggestions regarding this situation would be greatly appreciated.
Comment