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Hello all - Looking for a bit of advice on a slightly embarrassing/slightly soap opera/chain of events that just sits wrongly even a coupe of months after the dust settled.
Long story short - I was seeing a girl for around a year who (like me) was just coming out of a relatively amicable divorce. I heard how her ex was controlling and jealous and wouldn't let her be friends with her exes etc and was very possessive. One of the men she mentioned frequently was kind of a long term friend with benefits - everyone has had those kind of things and I'm blessed with a lac of retroactive jealousy, so I was sympathetic and especially determined to not be in any way controlling etc.
As we got to know each other it became apparent that her ex was right to be worried as they had been hooking up behind his and this guys partners back (who was pregnant at the time).
Still, none of my business etc. But then it became apparent he was very much in her life and was calling and messaging and very controlling and opinionated - he is also a policeman in the SE area.
I spoke to him and was told I was wrong/jealous etc and he had a new baby coming and how dare I etc etc. Well, I wanted to believe it so I did.
After some ups and downs the gf and I were back on track and then I saw the kind of messages you really don't want your girl to be sending other boys. The truth came out, all along they had been involved, basically all her life since they met when she was in her teens and he was mid twenties - she'd regularly say he was angry with her over something or not speaking to her.
So I ended it and then messaged this guy to say, you owe me an apology and (stupidly) suggesting we meet to be all macho and settle things. Idiotic, but I was hurt and very upset.
He eventually replied - and this is the bit I need advice on (as well as my love life clearly...):
- He said the polcie should be involved because I was harassing, stalking, controlling and coercive and keeping someone with me under duress. These are serious allegations.
- He then said if I told anyone about his cheating and lying he would report these (genuinely fictional) crimes
- inform family members - who he named, clearly been doing his research.
i am worried because her poor exes have all been basically labelled as abusive and possessive and her ex has been demonised - and I also just feel it's totally wrong that these false allegations can be made by a serving police officer who used them to cover up his less than charming lifestyle.
So my question - is there a name for a policeman using false allegations to threaten someone? Is it something that is dealt with?
Now that I have had time to think and avoid an emotional reaction, it just feels totally wrong that these statements can be made about me when, seriously, the total opposite is true.
Any advice?
Long story short - I was seeing a girl for around a year who (like me) was just coming out of a relatively amicable divorce. I heard how her ex was controlling and jealous and wouldn't let her be friends with her exes etc and was very possessive. One of the men she mentioned frequently was kind of a long term friend with benefits - everyone has had those kind of things and I'm blessed with a lac of retroactive jealousy, so I was sympathetic and especially determined to not be in any way controlling etc.
As we got to know each other it became apparent that her ex was right to be worried as they had been hooking up behind his and this guys partners back (who was pregnant at the time).
Still, none of my business etc. But then it became apparent he was very much in her life and was calling and messaging and very controlling and opinionated - he is also a policeman in the SE area.
I spoke to him and was told I was wrong/jealous etc and he had a new baby coming and how dare I etc etc. Well, I wanted to believe it so I did.
After some ups and downs the gf and I were back on track and then I saw the kind of messages you really don't want your girl to be sending other boys. The truth came out, all along they had been involved, basically all her life since they met when she was in her teens and he was mid twenties - she'd regularly say he was angry with her over something or not speaking to her.
So I ended it and then messaged this guy to say, you owe me an apology and (stupidly) suggesting we meet to be all macho and settle things. Idiotic, but I was hurt and very upset.
He eventually replied - and this is the bit I need advice on (as well as my love life clearly...):
- He said the polcie should be involved because I was harassing, stalking, controlling and coercive and keeping someone with me under duress. These are serious allegations.
- He then said if I told anyone about his cheating and lying he would report these (genuinely fictional) crimes
- inform family members - who he named, clearly been doing his research.
i am worried because her poor exes have all been basically labelled as abusive and possessive and her ex has been demonised - and I also just feel it's totally wrong that these false allegations can be made by a serving police officer who used them to cover up his less than charming lifestyle.
So my question - is there a name for a policeman using false allegations to threaten someone? Is it something that is dealt with?
Now that I have had time to think and avoid an emotional reaction, it just feels totally wrong that these statements can be made about me when, seriously, the total opposite is true.
Any advice?
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