Newbie

[Guest]

Hi,

I am a 54 year-old man who tends to look to ensure belt and braces are combined with glue, staples and velcro. Just worry about possibilities.

I could be wrong but believe this is a law based forum for the layperson. I apologise if I am wrong.

I have reached a point in my life where I am considering the options for ensuring my wife and adult son receive what they are due if something happens to me. I have also registered both Financial and Health and Welfare Powers of Attorney so that I cannot ever be forcibly placed into a care home. I want to leave what I have worked my life to leave to my wife and son. Not for an illness to leave me unable to make such decisions myself when I have lost that ability. As of now, I do have that ability, and my care needs are secondary to my lifelong wish to leave an inheritance. If that means I die in discomfort or miss out on life saving care then I am fine with that. I am not fine with a year or more of care, during which I may be in a perpetual daze through dementia or Alzheimer's; or anything similar. I do not consider this part of my lfie as a stage I want to be coddled, saved from death, or maintained at a cost to the state or to my own estate and subsequently at a cost to my loved ones.

This all may happen in thirty-years time but I am concerned that things could happen tomorrow. Life is unpredictable. But I do want to predict that I cannot be forced into a care home. That my wishes are met in regard to my financial matters. I am quite willing to miss out on life saving treatments. But I need to validate that my wife and son will have the ability to deny treatment. I need to find a way of providing an advanced decision on matters such as DNR which I would refuse if I had that ability at the time. I would not accept any long-term treatment aimed at keeping me alive. Any such treatment, if I cannot answer for it myself, would mean that I am beyond a certain point and this would effectively place me at a decision-making point where I would choose to simply 'go'.

I am looking at creating a living will but this is more difficult than I had initially thought. Bit more thinking involved. I have a Will and my Powers of Attorneys to allow my wishes to be met. But I am unsure of the best way to ensure these remain safe, but in the case of decisions regarding Powers of Attorney, are also available to be seen by doctors so that resuscitation and other potential matters can be discussed and potentially denied by my loved ones; not by a doctor who doesn't know my wishes. I am not wealthy and if I die within a certain time-frame my only wealth will be my part ownership of our home and life assurance policies. Substantial fees to store documents would be hard for me.

Which options do I need to seek out and get sorted as a matter of urgency so that my financial legacy, whatever it is, may be maintained and not eaten up either by care fees for a service I would deny while in my forward thinking mind as I see things today. How is my Will best secured while not breaking the bank?

If anyone has any advice or suggestions for other avenues to go down to ensure my legacy to my family is not to be a 'burden' and a 'cost' for them to bear. I understand many see life as the only valid consideration but I have lived a life which has left me worn out, depressed and not one of neverending joy which I am sure many will have had. My pleasure is in knowing my family will be able to gain my legacy if I die during that period. If not at least that my home is not taken.

Thank you for your input.

[atticus]

you need to consult a good solicitor

[Guest]

Atticus: sorry to wake you. Please don't stop at the seek a good solicitor remark. With many areas of Wills, Living Wills, Advance Decisions, document storage and other issues available to at least have a go. The extent of your seniority on this forum is to 'consult a good solicitor'. Based on the fact I had already mentioned no money for excess, why choose to answer at all? Answer if you can but do not treat anybody that pops along as a neophyte simply to allow you your space in a reply. If someone else comes along with a better answer, not simply to stick up for you, then this forum - which has been on the web for many years - may hold some value beyond your reply. If I had stated I had a safe full of money, then fine to advise me to seek a good solicitor, but please do not answer if you have no valuable input. You become less valuable than someone that does not answer at all - you become a hindrance to an expansion of knowledge. So I will choose to await other answers and thank you kindly to sit tightly on whatever knowledge you have and keep it to yourself, as you have no real intention of helping others and sharing that knowledge.

[DE DOGS]

Tricky. I am in the Winter of my life, do I still have reservations, of course, I do, who hasn't, to be truthful my wife has the problem of Dementia, but I cope there are days and there are days that take the good with the bad, that's life as for a home NEVER. My opinion is to sit there until you pass away and to sum up your thoughts, live life as best you can, what will be will be you cannot guess what the future will hold, as both our parents passed due to aneurism, so to think that you are able to plan for what will happen well who knows life is not like that, take it as it comes, and enjoy what's left.

[Guest]

Tricky. I am in the Winter of my life, do I still have reservations, of course, I do, who hasn't, to be truthful my wife has the problem of Dementia, but I cope there are days and there are days that take the good with the bad, that's life as for a home NEVER. My opinion is to sit there until you pass away and to sum up your thoughts, live life as best you can, what will be will be you cannot guess what the future will hold, as both our parents passed due to aneurism, so to think that you are able to plan for what will happen well who knows life is not like that, take it as it comes, and enjoy what's left.

My father died of cancer at 55. My mother missed him deeply and couldn't overcome her despair at losing him. But with a stroke in 2014 at age 70 there came dementia. Since that she has no recollection of my father. She is now in a home and this upsets us all.

I simply want to ensure that regardless of my health or lack of, that the choices I know I would want made for me, are decided now and not after a loss of mental capacity. To leave that power in my family's hands and not in the hands of a panel who may dilute my very existence down to a measure of my mental and emotional condition. Only 40% in the UK have a Will. Both my wife and I do have one but the Will only becomes a means of ensuring your wishes are met for any legacy when you die. Until then you are at the whims of others, based on legislation, but legislation which may mean your entire life's hopes, dreams and wishes fail to be met - to ensure a half-life lived in a dementia fueled fog which you wouldn't wish on anyone. Life has a reason but when that reason is confronted by illness. Sometimes the legislation and the illness work together to take away all your wishes. Some will be happy those safeguards are there but for me I would never choose these.

I hope you enjoy the winter of your life and that your wife has the ability remaining to do so with you. Kind regards.

[dslippy]

I am with Atti. I have known him for a long time, and greatly respect both his legal knowledge and experience and his helpfulness to strangers. Sometimes all there is to say is 'get a good solicitor'

You are setting out specific but wide ranging targets. Navigating these areas requires considerable lknowledge and real life experience - hence the value of a good solicitor.

Bear in mind that you are setting long range targets. For example the use of living wills is much diminished by the use of lasting care powers. The care system is due for an overhaul, and navigating that system requires proper understanding of several layers of statute.
Above all you seem to be trying to create a level of certainity which will never exist.

[Scot22]

I know atticus from another forum and agree with previous post. There are limits to what a forum format can offer.
I do not have a lot of money but consider a good solicitors advice can save money long term.