Please help me urgently - theft

[Guest]

I have done the most terrible things and need help urgently please as I am really struggling. I am mortified to admit that over the last few month I have been repeatedly stealing from m&s and I think I have now been caught. I honestly dont know what i was thinking and don't recognise the person that was doing those awful things. I have been in a really low place recently due to some family problems, and covid anxiety, but it's really no excuse. I cant eat or sleep properly, I'm in a permanent state of anxiety and I just want to turn back the clock but I know I cant. I feel like I've let my husband down, and my children, and there is no way out of this hole I'm in. I havent told my husband anything but I am scared when the police come calling for me he will find out. He will never feel the same about me.


I have been taking things regularly but I think the shop was aware of me and last month, almost 6 weeks ago, and they were watching me. I knew I had about £70 worth of stuff concealed on me, which I wanted to dump it but panicked. I paid for my grocery items but not the concealed ones...as I left I triggered the door alarm. I kept walking to my car and left because I was so frightened. I am pretty sure the car park has cameras so they will know my car plate and can identify me now. What can I do? I'm a complete mess. I am living every day in fear and shame caused by my own doing. How long until I hear from the police do you think? Will they knock at my door ? Should I go back to the store and confess? Or turn myself in? What should I expect now?

I just cant believe I have behaved like this, I dont recognise myself. Please please help me. I am so sorry

[des8]

First up I think you should see your GP to get help for your anxiety problems.
He will have heard all this before and will not judge you.

Regarding the theft, I doubt if, after this time you will be contacted by anyone.
If you were being watched by security personnel on the floor, they would have detained you as you left the store.
It is a lot easier to prove theft if the perpetrator is apprehended with the goods on their person.

However if you are contacted by the police do not agree to an interview without the presence of a solicitor.
No friendly chats or confessions until you have spoken to your solicitor.
If you do not have a solicitor, insist on the attendance of the duty solicitor. This is free and your right.

[Guest]

Des, thank you so much for tsking the time to reply to me, I apprecaite your advice. I am very concerned that as I drove off I saw a member of staff from m and s perhaps taking my number plate. Also I think the retail car park has number plate cameras so i could be identified. I was very aware of staff presence that day too so I think they were getting witnesses to back up CCTV? For example, the lady working at the changing room entrance was quickly grabbed by another worker when I approached and ask to try things on. When I came out of the changing room (where I concealed the items) she was standing randomly outside as if to prove she hadn't taken back any items I had put back on the return rail so they could see exactly what I'd left and nicked. Also I took the tag off one item and hid it behind a mirror which they would have found. When I paid for my items the lady assisting at self scan asked me if I had managed to scan everything...

The week before I also noticed a lady with a walkie talkie saying that I was "exiting through childrenswear" after I came out the toilet. I am embarrassed to say I had a concealed item on me that day too. I littered for ages then left. I am so ashamed of myself.

I fear M and s use facial recognition and I was/am on the watchlist. I know there are a couple of times I have may have been caught on camera. I think as i did it more i got more confident and foolish. I absolutely loathe myself and feel like I'm sinking in all this.

I read a few posts on here where people didn't get called for a volunary police interview until months later... could this be the case for me? I would imagine the police are very busy but I also read that if they have a way of identifying a serial shoplifter then they will, eventually. Is there a time limit? It will be six weeks tomorrow since this last incident happened.

I just wouldn't know what to say to my GP...She would think I was the most awful person.

I just dont know why I've done it. I feel sick with worry and remorse.

[Guest]

Also the value of all the goods I've taken over the last few months would be very high. I just dont know what I was thinking?

[des8]

Do see your doctor.
She will not think anything about your actions, except to wonder why you would act in that way.
She will look to see if there is an underlying mental health reason for your actions.

Theft is classified as an "either way "offence (ie triable in magistrates or crown court) and as such there is no time limit

You may have been caught on camera, but they need to show that you were then under constant surveillance and didn't leave the items somewhere in the store
Anybody could have put the tag behind the mirror... they can't prove it was you
If they have the evidence you think they have, I am a little surprised you were not stopped as you left the store

It is important that if you are questioned you do not admit to anything until you have spoken to your solicitor.
It is for them to prove, not for you to admit

[Guest]

I am just so frightened the police will track me down from my number plate. How would they contact me? In writing, by phone or in person? Goodness, does this mean they will store this information on me to try and get a conviction later down the line? (I will never behave like this again by the way). Will I always be watched? I'm just so terrified, Des.

Honestly, how likely do you think it is likely the police will contact me? I have lost all sense of perspective, I dont know how much my mind is running away with me and how much is my real gut feeling.

I'm sorry I am asking so many questions, I just feel very consumed by it all. I really do appreciate your time Des.

[Scot22]

The contribution Des makes to this forum is outstanding. He is both knowledgeable and caring.
Please, as a matter of urgency, follow his advice to see a doctor. Also I think it would be better for your husband to know as soon as you can manage. He should be understanding and want to support you.
When the brain is overstretched it loses it grip on reality and can catastrophise situations. You may be giving too much significance to the behaviour of other people.
We have all made mistakes big, small and in between. Be kind to yourself and focus on getting back to normality.

[Guest]

That is very kind, Scot2, thank you for your understanding. And Des too. I apprecaite you not judging harshly... I know what I have done is awful and beat myself up constantly. I just dont think I could tell my husband though, he would not cope at the moment as he has just learned a close family member is very ill, it would break him (and me, I couldn't put him through it, and I would be frightened of losing him). What would happen if I ever went in that m and s again, could they confront me over past suspicions? Will I ever be able to operate normally again in shops if I dont reoffened?

[Guest]

Also I am so sorry for all the spelling mistakes. Auto correct plus tiredness I think. I hope I make sense.

[des8]

Please, no ned to apologise to us.
It is not for us to judge, we are here to help.

I cannot say for certain that you will not be contacted, but it is IMO unlikely.
However if you are contacted by the police it is important that you know your rights and do not admit to anything without first discussing the matter with a solicitor

Even if you were to be contacted remember this is not the crime of the century.
Theft from shops is at the lower end of the scale and more often than not it is dealt with by means of a caution

I would agree with Scott about confiding in your husband, and hope for his support.
If the police were to be involved it would be less of a shock to him if you had already spoken to him.

[Guest]

Oh Des I really hope I am not contacted. I don't think I could take it. Thank you for your kindness.

[Scot22]

Do you have to go to that store again ? If not, just shop elsewhere so no stress.
Only you know how your husband is, and how he might react. I hope he would want to help but only you can decide.
Shoplifting is wrong but not ' terrible '. Do see it in perspective.

[Guest]

I was going to avoid it for as long as possible, as the idea of going back fills me with fear. My husband gets his work wear there so I guess there's a chance one day I'll have to brave it, unless you think there's a good chance they've got my number plate?

[Guest]

I'm sorry but I need a bit more help if you can. You see I've been thinking about it a lot and I just have a gut feeling the store were onto me that day. Could it be they had noticed a pattern in my shoplifting visits (pick up items and conceal in toilet or changing room?). At my worst I was doing this very regularly, I am ashamed to say. I am worried they were searching the changing room was searched after I left to see if I'd left any hangers or tags behind. Because I've done that before? Could they be establishing a pattern of my behaviour before stopping me? Also how damning is it that the exit alarm went off when I left? If they now have allthis evidence alongside missing inventory might they have called the police? What would they do with info previous suspicious visits from me? Please help, I'm going insane with worry now....

[des8]

Well, they could have been doing what you say, but in that case I think they would have stopped you leaving the store on your last visit.
In that case they would have caught you red handed and any action would be that much easier.
You are probably over thinking things, and really ought to consult your GP as early as possible.