Help with my Grandaughter

[Guest]

Hi All,
I was hoping someone may be able to help or advise me. I lost my daughter 10 years ago she was 26 years old, she had a baby 17months at the time, my granddaughter. My daughter had quite a volatile relationship with the baby's father and they were not together at the time of her death. Anyway cut a long story short he was awarded custody of my granddaughter much to my horror, he tried initially to stop me seeing her, which after losing my daughter was very upsetting for me not being able to see my granddaughter, I took him to court and was awarded a court order for staying contact and visiting contact. over the last 10 years I have had lots of contact with her and have built a loving relationship. I have not always got on with her father. Anyway, I have now not seen my granddaughter since April after her Dad telling me she doesn't want to see me anymore, I cannot understand why, as our relationship was so good. She is now 11, I have messaged her on her mobile and get no response, I was messaging her father to ask him what was going on and he kept saying ' she ain't a baby I can't force her'. Now he is not responding at all to my calls or messages. He is a very controlling person, and I feel is not helping the situation. I understand that at 11 children are changing and going through puberty etc etc, but to not want to see me at all, I just do not understand. I want to hear it from her mouth. I would be grateful for any advice.

[Amethyst]

Could you maybe write to her ? It may be her Dad takes the letter but if you word it well, if it is his decision that she stops seeing you, he may relent some. Maybe combine with birthday card etc?

Otherwise, what is the court order and is the lack of contact now a breach in any way on his part ?

Yes 11 year olds are right pickles, my other halfs daughter stopped visiting him around that age, but he does see her every couple of weeks ( however briefly ) when he picks up his son who does still visit, and there is still some phone contact, and we've made sure there's no pressure either way on her and ensured she knows she is always welcome.

I'm sorry for your loss, it must have been incredibly difficult and to feel you are losing your granddaughter too must be heartbreaking. Let her know you are there if she ever needs you, fancies a change of scene etc, but try not to pressure.

SandraF might have more thoughts for you xx

[donnashep]

Thank you Amethyst for your advice. I would write her a letter but her father wouldn't give it to her. He has breached the court order, which I am now probably going to go back to my original solicitor and see what she says, but I really didn't want to go down that route, as he will probably get nasty.
It was extremely difficult when I lost my daughter as it was so sudden and unexpected. I have messaged my granddaughter every few days just to let her know I am still about, I am not putting any pressure on her, but am so desperate to see her, as I worry about her so much.

[SandraF]

Hi Donnashep, child arrangements order is there to regulate contact and the courts are expecting that all parties involved comply with the order. However court orders do not grow with the child/ren and as soon as things start to change while they grow, then the courts expect you (the one suffering) to return to the court for help and to vary the existing order. Your granddaughter may not have the phone with her (it might have been taken away from her) and any letters you will write, may not be given to her (he may throw it in the bin). If you are so desperate to see your grand-daughter, then I recommend that you return the matter to court by filling in Form C100 and ask the court for help. You can also visit your previous solicitors/lawyers who have your file (but if it is more than 6 years your file may have been destroyed) to help you. Hope this helps and keep us updated so that it may help others who are reading.