Men and Rubbish

[littlesally]

Why does my OH not put rubbish in the bin? Even when it is right next to him.
And why, when I ask him to, does he consider it to be nagging?
If he doesn't want me to nag, or for us to argue, why does he not put the bloody rubbish in the bin.
He says it's no big deal and he would throw it away eventually.
I tested this, and empty wrapper was left on the table for three days!!!
When I finally said something about it, asking how long 'eventually' would be, he said I should've thrown it instead of playing games.
The twins (nearly 12) do the same - unwrap and leave.
After yet another blow up about it OH said he would rather someone love him than put rubbish in the bin and my priorities are wrong.
I am sick of cleaning up after the three of them!
How is it possible to take the last of something and leave the wrapper on the table?
And if it's no 'big deal' to him, why can't he respect it is for me - and the kids are copying him!
Is it a man thing?
Should I spend my life clearing up after them?
How do you get someone to tidy up?
AAAaaaaaaggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Pulling my hair out!
Help appreciated
Sally xxx
PS I may have a slight bit of PMT, and over react, but the rubbish is still not where it should be.

[Nattie]

Re: Men and Rubbish

Nag nag nag nag nag, cor blimey, do you not know we are doing important things like watching the television, reading the newspaper and maybe scratching areas not classed sexual relations. Stone the crows!!

One word LAZINESS

[littlesally]

Re: Men and Rubbish

One word LAZINESS

Me or him Nattie?
He does work hard - at work - and seems to think that house stuff is mine, even though I work full time.
He doesn't actually say this, but his actions do.
I just want to know if I am being unreasonable. If not, how do I go about changing the situation?
Have read Men From Mars, and tried asking nicely, saying 'will you' instead of 'could you' but nothing seems to work!
Sally xx

[Celestine]

Re: Men and Rubbish

"After yet another blow up about it OH said he would rather someone love him than put rubbish in the bin and my priorities are wrong."

To which I would have replied.................

"You are loved and you know it. Wanting someone to clear up after themselves is not 'not loving' its wanting someone to support you and care."

You both work full time, you have children at home, you have to act as a team. Him refusing to support you in this relatively minor issue is selfish and lazy.
By chucking such statements as above at you demonstrates that he is also being manipulative.


Maybe you could announce to family that on xxxx date at xxxx time, the family is going to sit down round table and set some house work rules.
It is important that you announce this during a 'peaceful' time, do it in a diplomatic way. If he challenges it and accuses you of 'rocking the boat' etc, stay calm and say......This issue keeps causing us stress and anger, we haven't found a solution through arguing so far, so lets try sitting down calmly and sorting out what exactly is fair.

During this 'meeting' he is unlikely to want to seem uncooperative.....so will probably agree to a reasonable shared schedule. Let him feel that he is making some of the suggestions.......LOL...male egos!
Then at least you will have a platform of rules to work from, if he slips, just recall the meeting at another calm moment.

Good luck honey.

[littlesally]

Re: Men and Rubbish

Thanks Cel,
I am so sick of this. It's been going on for years, always with OH suggesting a compromise - which is basically for me to lighten up!
He says he is happy doing a blitz every now and then, which he does about once a month. I can't sit with rubbish, clothes, old papers etc hanging around for a month. I did try, just left it all, for a week - so did he!
What really gets to me, is when he looks about and says what a mess the place is!!!
Will try your suggestions, but will wait for PMT to fade a bit lol
Sally xx

[Amethyst]

Re: Men and Rubbish

Sal I know exactly how you feel.

Before I gave up, my house was completely spotless (well as spotless as you get with three little horrors). I didnt really notice he did NOTHING until I lost the plot and stopped doing anything either. At one stage I was just blitzing the house once a month or so and the place was littered in empty plates cups rubbish and clothes. It wasn't nice, it wasn't healthy, and still he didnt seem to even notice. My beautiful garden which i worked so hard on became an overgrown jungle covered in rubbish and kids stuff. towells would hang on the line for weeks. And still he did Nothing. He just didnt seem to notice. I would have a go and ask him to do things, then leave them until he did them...which he didnt do so they just stayed there.

I don't know how you resolve it so this is a really unhelpful post. I left lol.

This house gets messy now but its just me and kids, they pick up after themselves with a bit of a nag but i'm happy to do stuff cause its my mess and i dont feel like someone else SHOULD be doing something.

[Nattie]

Re: Men and Rubbish

Sal, him on the laziness bit.

[littlesally]

Re: Men and Rubbish

Ame That's how things are here.
Before we lived together my flat was pretty up together. Everything more or less had a place and was put there when finished with. It seems the logical way to do things. I can be lazy, which is why I prefer to do things as I go, rather than spend a day tidying (what a waste of a day).
Of course OH finds things that I have left around to justify.
I am not a tidy, clean freak - I just don't want to be embarressed when people come round!
You should see the bedroom - his stuff is everywhere! The kids rooms are the same, but I don't care about their rooms, that's up to them. But the living area is different.
We bought this house because the downstairs hallway is spacious, but you wouldn't know it now!
I ended up saying I was moving out (so much for waiting for PMT to go lol) so he could see exactly what I do.
Now this morning he is putting up a shelf in the kitchen that's been needed for a while, so at least some good has come of it!
Just fed up of having to search for a clear surface. they are covered in old newspapers, dirty cups, bits of paper, clothes etc. Any table is a magnet for crap. Once a month looking tidy for a few hours is not enough.

Thanks Nat, was hoping you meant that. You never struck me as a chauvanist lol
Sally xx

[scottishlass]

Re: Men and Rubbish

Aww Sal,

So know how you feel, okay I am not working at the moment but doesn't mean I want to clean up after others 24/7.
Well the worst culprit is gone now,so just to work on the kids,like you I leave their rooms normally do a blitz on a Monday then through the week just pick up washing. Daughters room I gave up with long time ago I just shut the door,she is always imaculately (okay can't spell that) dressed hair done etc,but lives like a pig. she has asked some of her friends if she can share a flat with them and they have said no,wonder why they have seen her bedroom,but she just laughs.

I have never seen my house the way it is at the moment,just can't get into it at all,and I hate it.

Why is it when they take there plates into the kitchen they can't just put them in the dishwasher,no they leave them scattered all over the kitchen,And the one that bugs the worst is the toilet roll,it is very easy to put a new one on the holder,but they leave the empty one there,and just put the new one either on the floor or on top of the cistern.

Well at least he has done something today Sal
Sorry about the rant once I started just couldn't stop.

[littlesally]

Re: Men and Rubbish

I so identify SL! The toilet roll, IF any of them manage to replace it, the empty wrapper is left there!
With the kids I wait until they are in the middle of watching something on TV then tell them to sort out whatever it is that has been left for someone else (namely me) and explain to them if they had done it at the time they would not be missing out on something now.
OH thinks I am really harsh when I do this - 'what's the big deal?' he says.
When I'm not in they leave their coats, shoes etc everywhere, when I'm in they put them away without being told.
I wish I had the money to move out, if only for a few months so he can see what a mess the place is when I'm not here to do anything.
Shelf is looking good!! lol
Sally xx

[littlesally]

Re: Men and Rubbish

Cel, I am still going to try your suggestion
Sally xx

[Amethyst]

Re: Men and Rubbish

Good luck hunny

[littlesally]

Re: Men and Rubbish

Good luck hunny

pmsl
You just know this won't end don't you
Sally xx

[HaliMac]

Re: Men and Rubbish

Shut up and put the bl**dy rubbish out!

[EXC]

Re: Men and Rubbish

I always put things in the bin. And that would include the wife if I had one.