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For decades, scientists and theologians have debated the significance of the fact that there are no dinosaurs mentioned in the Bible. An early Latin Bible has been discovered which includes a reference to the dinosaurs. Specifically, the new verses are to be found in Genesis, Chapter 4, at the point where Cain has murdered Abel….
9And the Lord said unto Cain, “Where is Abel thy brother?” And Cain said, “I know not. Am I my brother’s keeper?”
10And the Lord sayeth, “Less of thy lip, sunshine,” for He was sorely narked by Cain’s cheek. “Once again shalt I ask thee, where is Abel thy brother?” But Cain continued to defy the Lord, saying, “Doest Thou not know? Art Thou not God?”
11And The Lord did feel His twitch begin again, and with a voice of thunder did command of Cain, “Where is thy brother?”
12And Cain did reply, “No really, what sort of supreme being art Thou, that Thou cannot pinpoint but one single man?” And the Lord did not reply, such was His fury, but Cain continued to dig himself deeper into it. “I mean,” he said unto the Lord, “it is not like there are a multitude of us around here right now, if Thou knowest what I mean.
13There are but four, my mother, my father, my brother and I, and yet Thou are apparently unable to keepest tabs on all of us at the same time. What sayeth this of Thy supposed omnipresence?” And Cain didst raise his hands when uttering that last word, and didst make little “quotation” symbols with his fingers. And the Lord was incensed.
14But Cain had not finished, and so he said, “Incidentally Lord, how is it Thee expects me to begat others when the only female around here is my mother? Frankly Lord, the thought doest maketh my eyes water, and not in the good way. And ist my father Adam really made in Thine image? Because frankly, if so, Thou art a lot shorter than I had imagined.”
15And the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, decided on a change of tack and said, “Look, Cain. I know what thou hast done, and so does thoust. Why doeth thee not just admit it eh? It will be easier for thou in the long run.”
16“Oh,” replied Cain, “what? Art Thou the good cop now? Thou hast nothing on me, and Thou knowest this. I shall be walking before the cock crows.”
17And the Lord was mightily displeased, and He did vent His spleen at Cain, and did call Cain all the names under the sun, which did not take long, as there were at that time only about six or seven such names.
18And Cain did feign insult, and said, “Well, that is fine language for The Creator I must say. Thou shalt not be getting any more offerings or sacrifices from me, I canst tell you that, matey.” And the use of such informal address did finally snap the Lord’s patience.
19“Thou hast displeased me, Cain,” said the Lord. Thou art new to these parts, and thou doest not know what becomes of those that displease Me. Let Me tell you what became of a little species I called Dinosaurs.”
20And the Lord didst tell Cain of a time before Eden, when mighty lizards did walk abroad, and of how they did anger the Lord by refusing to worship him and instead would just spend the day eating each other.
21And Cain did laugh until tears did soak his cheeks, and he did say, “Oh, Thou cannot expect me to believe this, can Thou? Wherefore art these creatures now?”
22“I did destroy them all,” said the Lord, “with but a wave of my hand.” But Cain was unconvinced and said, “Oh right, am I to believe that lizards taller than trees did once roam this land?”
23And the Lord, who understood a thing or two about comic timing, did merely say, “Yes, just like that one behind you.”
24And Cain did turn and to his horror he did see a huge Tyrannosaurus Rex bearing down on him, and Cain’s heart began to race and his limbs began to shake. And as for what happened in his lower garments, well let us just say it was something that hath no place in the Good Book.
25And Cain did scream and did take the Lord’s name in vain, loudly and often. And the Lord did make a mental note to have taking His name in vain made a sin at the next available opportunity.
26And as the great beast lunged at Cain, the Lord didst send the dinosaur back whence it had come, to an island He had made, off the coast of a land He called Costa Rica.
27And Cain did say, “If Thou canst destroy such a beast with Thy power, then Thou canst surely destroy me should I displease Thee.” And the Lord said, “Ah, the penny has finally dropped.”
28And Cain did express his desire to confess his crime. “Thou hast me banged to rights,” he said to the Lord. “In Thy mercy wilt Thou fetchest me my brief?”
29“Get thy trousers on, Cain” sayeth the Lord. “Thou art nicked.”
Genesis Chapter 4, Verse 9 et sec: (Revised)
10And the Lord sayeth, “Less of thy lip, sunshine,” for He was sorely narked by Cain’s cheek. “Once again shalt I ask thee, where is Abel thy brother?” But Cain continued to defy the Lord, saying, “Doest Thou not know? Art Thou not God?”
11And The Lord did feel His twitch begin again, and with a voice of thunder did command of Cain, “Where is thy brother?”
12And Cain did reply, “No really, what sort of supreme being art Thou, that Thou cannot pinpoint but one single man?” And the Lord did not reply, such was His fury, but Cain continued to dig himself deeper into it. “I mean,” he said unto the Lord, “it is not like there are a multitude of us around here right now, if Thou knowest what I mean.
13There are but four, my mother, my father, my brother and I, and yet Thou are apparently unable to keepest tabs on all of us at the same time. What sayeth this of Thy supposed omnipresence?” And Cain didst raise his hands when uttering that last word, and didst make little “quotation” symbols with his fingers. And the Lord was incensed.
14But Cain had not finished, and so he said, “Incidentally Lord, how is it Thee expects me to begat others when the only female around here is my mother? Frankly Lord, the thought doest maketh my eyes water, and not in the good way. And ist my father Adam really made in Thine image? Because frankly, if so, Thou art a lot shorter than I had imagined.”
15And the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, decided on a change of tack and said, “Look, Cain. I know what thou hast done, and so does thoust. Why doeth thee not just admit it eh? It will be easier for thou in the long run.”
16“Oh,” replied Cain, “what? Art Thou the good cop now? Thou hast nothing on me, and Thou knowest this. I shall be walking before the cock crows.”
17And the Lord was mightily displeased, and He did vent His spleen at Cain, and did call Cain all the names under the sun, which did not take long, as there were at that time only about six or seven such names.
18And Cain did feign insult, and said, “Well, that is fine language for The Creator I must say. Thou shalt not be getting any more offerings or sacrifices from me, I canst tell you that, matey.” And the use of such informal address did finally snap the Lord’s patience.
19“Thou hast displeased me, Cain,” said the Lord. Thou art new to these parts, and thou doest not know what becomes of those that displease Me. Let Me tell you what became of a little species I called Dinosaurs.”
20And the Lord didst tell Cain of a time before Eden, when mighty lizards did walk abroad, and of how they did anger the Lord by refusing to worship him and instead would just spend the day eating each other.
21And Cain did laugh until tears did soak his cheeks, and he did say, “Oh, Thou cannot expect me to believe this, can Thou? Wherefore art these creatures now?”
22“I did destroy them all,” said the Lord, “with but a wave of my hand.” But Cain was unconvinced and said, “Oh right, am I to believe that lizards taller than trees did once roam this land?”
23And the Lord, who understood a thing or two about comic timing, did merely say, “Yes, just like that one behind you.”
24And Cain did turn and to his horror he did see a huge Tyrannosaurus Rex bearing down on him, and Cain’s heart began to race and his limbs began to shake. And as for what happened in his lower garments, well let us just say it was something that hath no place in the Good Book.
25And Cain did scream and did take the Lord’s name in vain, loudly and often. And the Lord did make a mental note to have taking His name in vain made a sin at the next available opportunity.
26And as the great beast lunged at Cain, the Lord didst send the dinosaur back whence it had come, to an island He had made, off the coast of a land He called Costa Rica.
27And Cain did say, “If Thou canst destroy such a beast with Thy power, then Thou canst surely destroy me should I displease Thee.” And the Lord said, “Ah, the penny has finally dropped.”
28And Cain did express his desire to confess his crime. “Thou hast me banged to rights,” he said to the Lord. “In Thy mercy wilt Thou fetchest me my brief?”
29“Get thy trousers on, Cain” sayeth the Lord. “Thou art nicked.”
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