Now this is funny

[Delta]

I found this post on another forum that I go on, I thought it was so funny so thought I would share with you lot.......


I pick up our local Newpaper and saw an article about this, I live in Edinburgh so it is a really big story here. The guy who wrote this should be given a medal not only for writting this letter but for putting up with the "little darlings" he has encamped outside his house.

Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service

Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or ouji board.

As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.

The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on its side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.

What I suggest is this. after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.

I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.

I remain sir, your obedient servant

?????????

Mr ??????,



I have read your e-mail and understand you frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.

As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.

Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.

Regards

PC ???

?????????????

Community Beat Officer



Dear PC ?????

First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Leith Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.

Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has its own community beat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills. In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell Street, I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin? It's surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5.

Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Leith such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these ***** that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere. The pitch behind the Citadel or the one at DKs are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Albert Dock.

Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on ??? ????. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar.

Regards

???????

P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the cleansing department

[Paule]

Re: Now this is funny

Anger as police complaint becomes net hit

IT is a frustration most people have felt at one time or another, hanging on the phone, waiting in vain to be connected to the service they need.

But one Leith man responded in an extreme way when he couldn't get through to the police after waiting around 20 minutes for someone to pick up the phone.
He sent off a sarcastic and hilarious e-mail expressing his frustration. However, his brief correspondence with the force has not remained private, as he expected.

It has instead become a minor internet phenomenon, having been sent to countless offices and homes and posted on at least 15 websites. The e-mail writer has been left furious at what he sees as a breach of confidence by the police.

He insists that it must have been leaked to a member of the public by a police officer but the force is not investigating. The Evening News has agreed to withhold the e-mail writer's name as he fears he may be targeted by youths he has complained about.

He sent the e-mail message after three weeks of putting up with a group of teenagers causing a racket, playing football and messing about with furniture abandoned in West Cromwell Street, near his home.

Concerned that the youths, aged around 16 to 18, might be tempting disaster by playing with a gas canister, he tried in vain to telephone the police. His partner said he had composed his tirade after being driven to distraction by the failure of anyone to answer the phone.

She said: "It had been going on for a while and the police were doing nothing about it. He sent the e-mail to try to make his point that he wasn't happy.

"Then on Monday I got a phone call from a friend. She works at a recruitment agency and the e-mail had landed in her office. She recognised the address and told me about it.

"We were angry. It was supposed to be a confidential e-mail to the police about the problems we were having.

"We never sent it to anyone but the station, so the leak came from the police."

The message has already popped up on a bewildering array of websites, including ones dedicated to parenting, clubbing and cycling, as well as the Dundee University Sub Aqua Club. The sender and his partner were due to visit Leith police station today to discuss the leaking of the e-mail with a senior officer.

The message has also been circulated among officers at the Fettes force HQ since being sent to the police on August 25.

Community beat officer Pc John Pennycook sent an e-mail back urging the resident to contact him about the nuisance problem.

In a second e-mail, the frustrated resident expresses surprise at learning his street has a beat officer, congratulating Pc Pennycook on his "covert skills".

Last week, Pc Pennycook visited the street again to talk with the youths, but residents say the antisocial behaviour has continued.

The sender's partner added: "The police say they want to engage with the kids, which basically means talking to them and then leaving them to it. They've not stayed away."

Another resident in West Cromwell Street said the teenagers had been damaging property and shouting and swearing at residents for months. The pensioner added: "They use the area as a football pitch and cause a racket here most nights. The police don't seem to do much about it."

A police spokesman said: "A complaint regarding youths playing football in a street in north Leith was received by Lothian and Borders Police and was brought to the attention of the community beat officer for the area. Since receiving the complaint, the beat officer has met with the resident and outlined the police response to this issue."


Youths congregating in the West Cromwell Street area

http://news.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=1775082007