Parenting in the late 70's early 80's

[Emerald]

Not sure if this is the right board, but does anyone have any memory/idea of what it would have been like being a single working father to 7 children around this time? I know there would have been little financial support in way of tax credits (not even invented then), and child care eg nurserys after school would have been limited but how would a father have been viewed by schools, school freinds parents, employers etc.

[EXC]

Re: Parenting in the late 70's early 80's

I've no experience but having been around during that time I would imagine that he would be viewed in a better light than a single mother in the same position, as one would would assume he was either a widower or his wife dumped him and the children and would garner sympathy.

As to what it would have been like I dread to think.

[Emerald]

Re: Parenting in the late 70's early 80's

This isfor my advance award in child care - and the scenario is a man in a manual job, left with the kids in social housing, and how he would have been viewed by others. I'm inclined to agree with EXC that he would have got a lot of sympathy but equally would have entered into relationships to help with the childcare very quickly, and therefore whilst doing so would have caused more unstability to the kids with a succession of women than he even realised, but no one would have batted an eyelid. The kids as adults would have had little idea of security and good parenting so would have passed that down to their children. The kids would now be mid 20's and any long lasting damage wouldbe brushed off with the ' well poor bloke he did his best'

If it had been a woman left with 7 kids and taking a few men to help with the bills and the adults were now emotionally insecure etc, it would no doubt be her fault for the kids having a succession of uncles and no proper home life, and society would be very critical of her choices to survive in that climate.

Of course if it was now, then there would be a load of help financially and practically for either parent.

[Celestine]

Re: Parenting in the late 70's early 80's

Hiya

My mum became a single parent to the three of us in 1977 when she left my father behind in Scotland to relocate to the Midlands.
She was a member of Gingerbread from the late seventies and we met several single father families through group meetings.
A couple were divorcees, one was a widower.
They were seen as a novelty, certainly unusual. Yes, they always seemed to be in new relationships and they're kids were if I recall correctly, pretty precocious, especially the girls.
When my mum moved to the village I grew up in, in 1978, she was considered so unusual that the locals spread rumours that she was ermmm a 'loose' woman. I also remember the village drunk used to yell abuse outside our house after the pub shut. The single dads didn't seem to have these issues at all really.

[pompeyfaith]

Re: Parenting in the late 70's early 80's

Not sure if this is of use but ill post it anyway

http://www.spig.clara.net/ippr/lamb.htm

[Emerald]

Re: Parenting in the late 70's early 80's

Hiya

My mum became a single parent to the three of us in 1977 when she left my father behind in Scotland to relocate to the Midlands.
She was a member of Gingerbread from the late seventies and we met several single father families through group meetings.
A couple were divorcees, one was a widower.
They were seen as a novelty, certainly unusual. Yes, they always seemed to be in new relationships and they're kids were if I recall correctly, pretty precocious, especially the girls.
When my mum moved to the village I grew up in, in 1978, she was considered so unusual that the locals spread rumours that she was ermmm a 'loose' woman. I also remember the village drunk used to yell abuse outside our house after the pub shut. The single dads didn't seem to have these issues at all really.

I kind of think that they were seen as martyrs of some sort. I remember around age 10 -12 so about 1973-75, my uncle being divorced and having contact with his 2 girls who were a bit younger so about 6 and 8 on a sunday for all day, he used to bring him to our house, my mum got stuffed with looking after then 2 my dad and uncle went to the pub sun lunch, ate dinner cooked for them, slept in armchair then he took girls home after tea provided for them, and my nan and other aunties thought he was great for having his kids on a sunday!!

My aunty had 4 boys and her husband has basically never worked she worked evenings in factory and morning cleaning - he used to take boys to school and cook meals from scratch, and he was thought of as a great man because of looking after his kids. The fact he beat them, took all her money was all wiped out because he peeled a few potatos and walked couple hundred yards to school with them. Those kids are all 55 + now and not one of them has a child of their own.
------------------------------- merged -------------------------------

Not sure if this is of use but ill post it anyway

http://www.spig.clara.net/ippr/lamb.htm

That is really interesting - thanks
------------------------------- merged -------------------------------

Not sure if this is of use but ill post it anyway

http://www.spig.clara.net/ippr/lamb.htm

That is really interesting - thanks

[Guest]

Re: Parenting in the late 70's early 80's

This isfor my advance award in child care - and the scenario is a man in a manual job, left with the kids in social housing, and how he would have been viewed by others. I'm inclined to agree with EXC that he would have got a lot of sympathy but equally would have entered into relationships to help with the childcare very quickly, and therefore whilst doing so would have caused more unstability to the kids with a succession of women than he even realised, but no one would have batted an eyelid. The kids as adults would have had little idea of security and good parenting so would have passed that down to their children. The kids would now be mid 20's and any long lasting damage wouldbe brushed off with the ' well poor bloke he did his best'

If it had been a woman left with 7 kids and taking a few men to help with the bills and the adults were now emotionally insecure etc, it would no doubt be her fault for the kids having a succession of uncles and no proper home life, and society would be very critical of her choices to survive in that climate.

Of course if it was now, then there would be a load of help financially and practically for either parent.

What is an advance award in child care?

Why presume that the man would enter relationships quickly in order to help with childcare?

Why presume that the children, once grown up, would have no option but to repeat the mistakes of their parent?

This assumes no ability on the part of those former children to think or act independently of their upbringing and this is plainly ridiculous. Furthermore, it is this attitude that seeks to excuse conduct due to some ludicrous notion that it is as a result of something that happened, or did not happen, years ago.

What if that single man did a damned good job and did not care how he was viewed by others?

[Emerald]

Re: Parenting in the late 70's early 80's

What is an advance award in child care?

Why presume that the man would enter relationships quickly in order to help with childcare?

Why presume that the children, once grown up, would have no option but to repeat the mistakes of their parent?

This assumes no ability on the part of those former children to think or act independently of their upbringing and this is plainly ridiculous. Furthermore, it is this attitude that seeks to excuse conduct due to some ludicrous notion that it is as a result of something that happened, or did not happen, years ago.

What if that single man did a damned good job and did not care how he was viewed by others?

http://www.northampton.ac.uk/courses...etail/?id=0037 One of these.

Most adults and their parenting skills, life expectations, values etc are formed in their early years, so it is not unreasonable to presume that a parents values and way of life would be replicated in theirs.
Some may have done a good job some may not - I'm asking for memories or thoughts how it may have been not ridicule.

Bye

[WendyB]

Re: Parenting in the late 70's early 80's

My sister was (and still is) a single parent. Her daughter was born in 1972 when I was 10. As far as I can see, and I am very close to
my Niece, she is not emotionally scarred in any way and certainly hasn't repeated the "mistakes" of her mom. I can only presume that the support given to my sister by our parents would have been the same if she had been a single father.

No matter what happened then, now, 30 years later, we can only make assumptions about the reality, unless there are any definitive factual studies and research to rely on. Whatever happened, happened, and trying to sort it out after the fact is pointless, really. Just take it that things were different then, that was the way things happened and attitudes were a lot different then. People were more accepting of situations and not as enlightened as now. Attitudes have changed, thankfully.

[enaid]

Re: Parenting in the late 70's early 80's

We had a couple of men who were regulars in our pub, both had been left with children at an early age. They both held down full time jobs in the building trade and relied heavily on family and friends for childcare. I don't think either were into quick relationships at all, infact the opposite as probably under the impression that women were untrustworthy after what they had gone through. I think the mums in these relationships would definately be viewed as the 'baddies'.
From what I can recall one of them had an exwife in Malta and when the lad got to about 12 or so he went to live with his mum.
The other whos girls were still in contact with their mum and he still was ok with just grew up betwean the two and a nicer pair of girl you couldn't wish to meet, so no harm done there imo.

[Guest]

Re: Parenting in the late 70's early 80's

http://www.northampton.ac.uk/courses...etail/?id=0037 One of these.

Most adults and their parenting skills, life expectations, values etc are formed in their early years, so it is not unreasonable to presume that a parents values and way of life would be replicated in theirs.
Some may have done a good job some may not - I'm asking for memories or thoughts how it may have been not ridicule.

Bye

You have not been ridiculed and quite how you imagine you have been with what I wrote I have no idea.

You have at least three real-life examples above of what you asked for that does not fit with your automatic assumption that people turn out a particular way because of they way there were brought up.

Study the course aims on the link you posted for me. It states that the aim is to develop "critically reflective social workers" and by definition, your response to me means you will fail the course. Or rather you should, but you probably will not because failing at anything has been outlawed.

Reflective practice is the notion that actions should be informed by personal knowledge that is engaged with actively, rather than forms of practice that are based on unthinking habits, routines or automatic assumptions. Critically reflective practice involves going further, in so far as it entails adopting a critical perspective on that personal knowledge.

Simply put, critical reflective practice involves looking at underlying assumptions or biases that can affect one's thinking and thus one's actions and ensuring that they do not impact competence to practice.

Maybe I should become a social worker?

[Sapphire]

Re: Parenting in the late 70's early 80's

Maybe I should become a social worker?

:behindsofa: