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Only a dimwit would send cash through the post, by unregistered mail. Only a dimwit would do this with their clients’ own money. And only a dimwit would pen and sign the accompanying letter.
But a towering figure of financial probity, who languishes at Barclays Bank PLC, was that dimwit.
In a brief moment of supreme and breath-taking stupidity, this knight of the fiduciary, did just that in a response to my mocking spoof donation missive, no doubt enraged by it’s contents.
And just who was this dimwit? Step forward Group Chief Executive of Barclays Bank PLC, John Varley.
To: Mr John Varley
Group Chief Executive
Barclays Bank PLC
1 Churchill Place
London E14 5HP
From: EXC
31/1/07
Dear Mr Varley
I am writing regarding your net profits in recent years which I'm sure you'll agree are very small indeed. It must be enormously disappointing after putting in so much hard work and effort only to be rewarded with a bottom line of a paltry £178 trillion.
It must be sooooo difficult to motivate youself yet you somehow manage to carry on in the face of adversity with the same passion, dignity and not to mention honesty. I have nothing but the highest admiration and respect for you personally and your bank as a whole. You're a hero.
Is it really true the entire UK banking industry only managed to coin in £4.6 billion from current account penalty charges last year? Talk about tough times. It baffles me how you manage to keep the ship afloat.
But I want you to know that the whole nation is right behind you and soon every decent citizen throughout the land will be digging deep into thier pockets and donating all they possibly can to help you through these desperate times.
Myself and my family have been very busy raising funds already. Although I'm blind, limbless and confined to a hospital bed, I've tried to do my bit by washing cars, busking and even selling my kidneys to the highest bidder (the pair fetched a heart-warming £1.72p on e-bay!} as well the 11 quid my 7 year old raised since I put her on the game.
So please find enclosed £20. Not much I know but at least it'll get you a half decent bottle of claret. Also expect a package from my elderly mother who's put together a few tins of soup and a packet of low fat muffins for you and your family. She's terribly worried that your parlous financial state may mean you're not eating properly.
Pip pip!
EXC
ps And who says the banking industry is not noted for it's sense of humour? Your overdraft fees are a joke!
But a towering figure of financial probity, who languishes at Barclays Bank PLC, was that dimwit.
In a brief moment of supreme and breath-taking stupidity, this knight of the fiduciary, did just that in a response to my mocking spoof donation missive, no doubt enraged by it’s contents.
And just who was this dimwit? Step forward Group Chief Executive of Barclays Bank PLC, John Varley.
To: Mr John Varley
Group Chief Executive
Barclays Bank PLC
1 Churchill Place
London E14 5HP
From: EXC
31/1/07
Dear Mr Varley
I am writing regarding your net profits in recent years which I'm sure you'll agree are very small indeed. It must be enormously disappointing after putting in so much hard work and effort only to be rewarded with a bottom line of a paltry £178 trillion.
It must be sooooo difficult to motivate youself yet you somehow manage to carry on in the face of adversity with the same passion, dignity and not to mention honesty. I have nothing but the highest admiration and respect for you personally and your bank as a whole. You're a hero.
Is it really true the entire UK banking industry only managed to coin in £4.6 billion from current account penalty charges last year? Talk about tough times. It baffles me how you manage to keep the ship afloat.
But I want you to know that the whole nation is right behind you and soon every decent citizen throughout the land will be digging deep into thier pockets and donating all they possibly can to help you through these desperate times.
Myself and my family have been very busy raising funds already. Although I'm blind, limbless and confined to a hospital bed, I've tried to do my bit by washing cars, busking and even selling my kidneys to the highest bidder (the pair fetched a heart-warming £1.72p on e-bay!} as well the 11 quid my 7 year old raised since I put her on the game.
So please find enclosed £20. Not much I know but at least it'll get you a half decent bottle of claret. Also expect a package from my elderly mother who's put together a few tins of soup and a packet of low fat muffins for you and your family. She's terribly worried that your parlous financial state may mean you're not eating properly.
Pip pip!
EXC
ps And who says the banking industry is not noted for it's sense of humour? Your overdraft fees are a joke!
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