Blonde Jokes

[Happyolddog]

The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and was aproached by his assistant.
"Anything interesting happen over-night", asked the mortitian.
"Yes", replied the assistant, "The most gorgeous 18 year-old blond came in last night. Dead of course"
"What was the cause of death", enquired the mortition.
"I'm not sure",replied the assistant. "But she's got a Prawn stuck up her vergina!"
"Are you sure?", said the Mortitian.
"Yes, come and have a look for yourself" ,said the assistant opening the body bag.
The mortitian closely examined the beautifuly trimmed snatch.
"That's not a prawn you stupid idiot", he responded, "That's her clitoris"
"Are you sure?", said the assisitant, "'Cuz it certainly tasted like a prawn".
_________________

[Paule]

pmsl


There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him £5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her £50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him £5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde £50.00

The blonde put the £50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him £5

[Happyolddog]

A blond dyed her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on.
She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. she said to the farmer "If I can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one?" "Ok" said the farmer, so she quickly counted them and said 91. The farmer looked around astonished and said "Alright take one". As she was walking back to her car the farmer said "If I can guess your natural hair colour can I have my dog back?"

*****

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?" And his lovely wife replies, "I don't have any idea who it was. It was some stupid woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

*****

A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again. She did this five more times, and her neighbour that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box." The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."

*****

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.
Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. "Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly. The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"

*****

[Happyolddog]

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Miss... Could I see your driver's license?"

"What's a license?" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It's usually in your wallet" replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.

"Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop.

"Registration... What's that?" asked the blonde.

"It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration.

After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes...." replied the officer

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher

"Yes" replied the cop.

"Here's what you have to do..." Said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants."

"What? I can't do that. It's inappropriate!" exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me... Just do it..." said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs "Oh no... Not ANOTHER breathalyzer!"
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[Happyolddog]

A hot blonde chick is eaten by a car!
YouTube - Hot Model chick gets eaten by Sabaru