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I thought you would all find this refreshing!
We should all do the same...
:banana:
A 98-year-old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it
amusing enough to have it published in the Times.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to
pay my Plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have
elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of
the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly
deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for
only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
opportunity, and also for debiting my account to the tune of £30 by way of a
penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs
from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant
financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and
letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal,
overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity, which your bank has become.
>From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be
automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and
confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to
open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status,
which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to
eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank
knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that a Solicitor must countersign all copies of his or her
medical history, and the mandatory details of his/ her financial situation
(income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented
proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number, which he/she
must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28
digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses
required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As
they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons
as follows:
1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the
Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on
hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will
play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 98-year-old woman; DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU
PROUD!!?.
We should all do the same...
:banana: A 98-year-old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it
amusing enough to have it published in the Times.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to
pay my Plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have
elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of
the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly
deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for
only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
opportunity, and also for debiting my account to the tune of £30 by way of a
penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs
from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant
financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and
letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal,
overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity, which your bank has become.
>From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be
automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and
confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to
open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status,
which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to
eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank
knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that a Solicitor must countersign all copies of his or her
medical history, and the mandatory details of his/ her financial situation
(income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented
proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number, which he/she
must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28
digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses
required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As
they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons
as follows:
1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the
Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on
hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will
play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 98-year-old woman; DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU
PROUD!!?.
)
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