The APACS Challenge

[EXC]

Thought I'd have a bit of fun with this. For context see:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/7848866.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programme...ox/7848941.stm


Sandra Quinn
Director of Communications
APACS
Mercury House
Triton Court
14 Finsbury Square
London EC2A 1LQ

PP
Paul Lewis
BBC Money Box
Room 1209
BBC White City
201 Wood Lane
London
W12 7TS

26 January 2009


Dear Sandra Quinn

My name is Buttercup (age 6) and I am doing a project at school entitled ‘How the gobsmackingly useless APACS still allows it’s members to intercept your personal payments and transfers in order to trouser the interest, without so much as asking you first’.

But firstly, may I congratulate you on your stunning progress on the implementation of the Faster Payments Service which, as you know, was promised by your members some eight years ago - in fact before I was conceived - and is even now still largely a fantasy. This really must be the highlight of your distinguished career to date. You must be so proud!

Anyway, my Dad suggested I write to you to for help with my project by participating in an experiment to see if your super-duper Faster Payments Service is any quicker than sending cash by snail-mail. This letter, together with 100 sobs in cash, will be mailed from my local post box at 12 noon on Monday 26 January. If you could just make a note of when it arrived and then transfer the sum from the APACS account to my Daddy’s bank account (details enclosed), that would be well cool. Then we can see who is quickest: your lousy Faster Payments Service or some ageing postman.

I assume it’s alright to send you cash through the post is it? I say this because it seems to be the method of choice for Barclays Chief executive, John Varley, who personally sent my Dad his £20 in cash by unregistered mail - see correspondence enclosed. If it’s good enough for Johnny Boy, then it’s good enough for me. Know what I mean?

Toodlepip!

Buttercup x






To: Mr John Varley
Group Chief Executive
Barclays Bank PLC
1 Churchill Place
London E14 5HP

31/1/07

Dear Mr Varley

I am writing regarding your net profits in recent years which I'm sure you'll agree are very small indeed. It must be enormously disappointing after putting in so much hard work and effort only to be rewarded with a bottom line of a paltry £178 trillion.

It must be sooooo difficult to motivate youself yet you somehow manage to carry on in the face of adversity with the same passion, dignity and not to mention honesty. I have nothing but the highest admiration and respect for you personally and your bank as a whole. You're a hero.

Is it really true the entire UK banking industry only managed to coin in £4.6 billion from current account penalty charges last year? Talk about tough times. It baffles me how you manage to keep the ship afloat.

But I want you to know that the whole nation is right behind you and soon every decent citizen throughout the land will be digging deep into thier pockets and donating all they possibly can to help you through these desperate times.

Myself and my family have been very busy raising funds already. Although I'm blind, limbless and confined to a hospital bed, I've tried to do my bit by washing cars, busking and even selling my kidneys to the highest bidder (the pair fetched a heart-warming £1.72p on e-bay!} as well the 11 quid my 6 year old raised since I put her on the game.

So please find enclosed £20. Not much I know but at least it'll get you a half decent bottle of claret. Also expect a package from my elderly mother who's put together a few tins of soup and a packet of low fat muffins for you and your family. She's terribly worried that your parlous financial state may mean you're not eating properly.

Pip pip!

EXC

ps And who says the banking industry is not noted for it's sense of humour? Your overdraft fees are a joke!

[Amethyst]

Re: The APACS Challenge

You are naughty.

[TUTTSI]

Re: The APACS Challenge

I agree Ame, very naughty - but it made me laugh.

[Amy]

Re: The APACS Challenge

I hope you checked it was a real £20.

[EXC]

Re: The APACS Challenge

Just posted it...

[EXC]

Re: The APACS Challenge

Here's the response from Sandra Quinn, albeit a tad sarky considering she was addressing a child.

According to her she received the money on the Tuesday at 10.05 am. I had posted it the previous day at noon but collections from the post box were not due until 5pm so I'm not really sure what time it was actually 'sent' for the purposes of the experiment but a fair compromise would be 2.30 am.

According to my online statement the money reached the account on Wednesday 28 but as yet the bank can't tell me what time. The fact that she didn't process the payment for some 10 hours after she received it is her problem - the experiment rules were very clear. So as yet the challenge is inconclusive but it looks like a close call.

Of course she has no idea when the money reached my account and admits this in the letter but nonetheless says that the experiment ''proves'' that, to use a Buttercup term - that the Faster Payment Service is ''well cool''.

She claims she didn't send it until she got home that evening because she keeps her log-in details at home. Are we supposed to keep our log-in details written down somewhere? I thought that was a no no and a standard excuse for the banks not to pay out if your account was abused. This is an astonishing admission from a leading expert of online banking security - just Google 'Sandra Quinn online banking security'.

I'll consider my response.

[Celestine]

Re: The APACS Challenge

Awwwww I like Buttercup xxx

I always find it cringeworthy when adults try to 'talk cool' to kids. The sign off of 'cool regards' had me in hysterics!

[EXC]

Re: The APACS Challenge

----- Original Message -----
From: EXC
To: sandra.quinn@apacs.org.uk
Sent: Friday, January 30, 2009 1:26 PM
Subject: Buttercup



Dear Sandra Quinn

Thank you for your letter. Coolio.

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond but I had to wait until Daddy came home to get his e-mail log-in details as, unlike yourself, he doesn't keep his passwords knocking around at home.

As you know I posted the money at 12 noon on Monday although the daily collection from the post box I used are not until 5pm. As made clear in my letter the experiment was to find out if FPS was any quicker than snail mail and so for the purposes of the experiment the money was sent at 5pm.

Although you received the £100 at just after 10am the following day, you didn't effect the payment until 8.15pm. And your reasoning? ''I would have done it earlier but don't keep my log in details in the office''. Err hello? According advice on the APACS site you preach ''Do not keep your passwords, login details and PINs written down'' http://www.apacs.org.uk/media_centre.../03.10.07.html That's, like, really weird?

So I simply cannot accept this excuse as your own advice clearly implies that you should memorise your details. This is a startling admission from a 'leading online payment security expert'.

You presumptuously claim that this ''proves'' that FPS is ''well cool'' but without knowing when or even if the payment arrived I find it difficult to grasp your logic. In fact the payment was not received until the following day - see screenshot attached - but my bank ''don't know'' what time it arrived. This of course means the experiment is inconclusive but unless it got there before 3am, you were beaten by the postie and if you weren't, it was a close call.

Finally, I can only apologise that you were out of pocket for a day as you said that although you will pay the cash into the bank, it won't appear in your account until the following day. That's soooo uncool isn't it? My Dad reckons it's about time someone pulled their flippin' finger out and did something about it.

Buttercup.

[TUTTSI]

Re: The APACS Challenge

I like Buttercup - she is really cute and writes really well for a 6 year old. Bet she will be at Oxford uni within a few years.

xx