Sorry this joke is bad

[Nattie]

The plaudit must go to reluctant-spender on mse.

A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on
crutches, with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips.

Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon. 'It's very brave of you to come out here,' says Matthew. 'Please tell the audience what happened?'

'Well' replies Simon 'about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident.

Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free.' 'The doctors
had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn't save my legs.'

'No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died, but that his legs were fine and with all the advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine. As you can see the operation was successful. I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year.

A huge round of applause erupts from the audience.

Kelly responds with: 'That's an unbelievable story. So tonight, who are you going to be?'











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'Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Halfuncle' :banana:

[Nattie]

same source again

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday..
"I'd love to be eight again" she replied
On the morning of her birthday he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops and then took her off to the local theme park. What a Day!
He put her on every ride in the park:
* The Death Slide
* The Wall of Fear
* The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme Park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milk shake.
Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and M& M's.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked "Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you flipping useless twit" ( I've cleaned that up)

The moral of this story: Even when a man is Listening, he's still going to get it wrong.

[enaid]

Brill

[theGobbyOne]

pmsl:banana:

[Amethyst]

tonightmatthew i going to be joan jet

[granby]

shakespear walks into a pub and orders a pint
the landlord says





















wait for it















get out ye bard:slayer::devil:

[Delta]

Here's my contribution to the thread.....

A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime. They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager.
As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, "Blimey she's fat!"
The mother bent down and whispered in the little boy's ear to be quiet.
A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; "I'll bet her arse is this wide!"
The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy.
The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.
After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the queue.
Just then her pager begin to emit a beep, beep, beep.
The little boy yells out, "Look out Mum, she's reversing!!"

[Paradox]

What's green and smells of paint.................................... Green Paint.

What's brown and sticky............................................ .... A stick

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot......................... A carrot

Two parrots sitting on a perch, one says to the other......... can you smell Fish?

I'll get my coat

[granby]

why do dog's lick their b*ll's


















































COS THEY CAN!!!!!!!!!!
SORRY
WILL GO NOW