Advice pls, utterly ashamed

[PAWS]

Re: Advice pls, utterly ashamed

So you hadn’t, technically shoplifted as the clever old Badger said. Now Des made a good point – could there be (real or ….well….you know….exaggerated…) reason for you being ‘confused, shul we say when you made this slight error and although you fully intended to pay for the item you were confused by the vigorous confrontation???
As the brilliant beagles above said, stop fretting! The fact that you are up this early speaks volumes.
If you take a bit of time and browse through this site you will discover just how good the clever Beagles are. If you were in the soup they would say so and advise you accordingly.
To judge someone for a silly lapse like this would take some gall. When you boil it down you had an £8 piece of clothing and hadn’t even left the store. It was your honesty that turned it into an incident. If you had insisted you were going to pay before you left the store and if you had insisted it was only accidentally secreted then you might not have had any hassle but because you are basically an honest person with morals and standards you ‘confessed’. Hardly the actions of a hardened criminal!
As the gang said, you can come back here if RLP start getting lippy. Be prepared for their ‘strongly worded, letters and make a space by the loo for them because despite all the harsh words they are worth nothing more than toilet paper!
Nice to have you on the site by the way.
xx

[oldbadger]

Re: Advice pls, utterly ashamed

Thanks Des8.
OldBadger - I was inside the store at the time and what I've previous written is everything that happened.

Wow!
I do not believe that you needed to go anywhere with the store staff, or give them any identification, or answer any of their questions.

Although you felt very embarrassed by the situation and offered to pay for the £8 item you certainly did not need to........ all that needed to be done was to hand the item back to store staff.

Clothing shops have a duty of care to all customers, and part of that duty is to recognise that people can make mistakes. All changing rooms should be attended by store staff all the time to deliver customer service by noting the number of items that each customer wants to try on, and by counting out each customer, and giving guidance where customers make mistakes.

Where a shop is careless about how it looks after customers at changing rooms, and where it then treats errors with cynicism and accusations then it has completely lost the plot.

It is no crime to make a mistake in a shop........ In the UK we do not convict shoppers who make mistakes. They need to be looked after...... From what you have told us it seems that this shop has treated you very badly indeed. No Court would ever have convicted you for being found with an item of store clothing on your bag, or even inside it, if you had visited a changing room, and still remained within the store premises ..........

I'll bet that this store does not have a large notice of customer rules at every entrance which customers are required to read before they enter.......... so if it wants to confront shoppers instore, before they have even walked past all the paypoints and left it, walking outside and away then it can expect many many complaints and even claims for damages from mistreated and defamed customers.

You did nothing wrong, imo.

[Ashamed]

Re: Advice pls, utterly ashamed

PAWS/oldbadger thank you for your advice. Yes they were intimidating in the store but that's their job I guess and they did say they noted my honesty in the matter. I guess I'm just letting my conscience and shame get the better of me. I certainly wouldnt dream of doing anything like this and after a long discussion with family will be addressing my behaviour and indiscretion. Thank you for your support.

[des8]

Re: Advice pls, utterly ashamed

Yes they were intimidating in the store but that's their job I guess

I bet their job description does not include intimidating customers!

[wales01man]

Re: Advice pls, utterly ashamed

My other half wants to go to primark this week if I give in to her when im in there I shall make myself look suspicious near one of these store security goons to see their reactions I expect they are just looking for a bit of fun with people getting them wound up a lot of shoppers I expect are subject to the things we read about on here without having taken or even holding goods.

[Celestine]

Re: Advice pls, utterly ashamed

I'm relieved to read you have confided in your partner and although it initially provoked a scary reaction, it sounds as if you have talked more and have now got the support you need.

As I often see in these cases, your VULNERABILITY is shouting off my screen? This is a totally anonymous opportunity for you to share what may be troubling you? What led to this mistake and why do you feel such deep shame?

BTW - I want to change your username?!

OK, Primark will not now report this matter to the police. That opportunity has passed for them and recent policing cuts mean that police will generally not attend shoplifting incidents. Their view is that the store has in house security and they will deal with it as they feel fit. e.g lifetime ban and referring you to RLP.

RLP are a third party company, nothing to do with the police. They have a contract with Primark to send civil recovery penalties to 'shoplifters'. This will be just under £150 for security guard time etc. There is NO legal basis for you to pay this demand and indeed you should NOT pay it. The only time RLP ever went to court on one of these penalties, they lost spectacularly. It is not illegal for them to send the demands but you do not have to pay them. They are a business based on shame and humiliation and they harness all the horrible emotions you've been feeling lately and then smack you hard in the wallet.

You will always find good support here, whenever you feel low just come and tell us and we'll give you advice and virtual hugs to help you through. xxx

[PAWS]

Re: Advice pls, utterly ashamed

Sorry, I tried to crack on with some work but this sentence keeps on whirring about in my head; addressing my behaviour is an expression I have not heard for many years and I do not remember it fondly. It was said to me by those who are quick to remember my faults and who over the years I have discovered not only committed worse indiscretions and exhibited worse behaviour but often had to depend on sinful old me to see them through.
As Celestine and others put it, far more eloquently than I, you must forgive yourself. Of course you feel guilty; you have morals and standards that do you credit but the very fact that you obviously are not sleeping and have fretted so much means that you have done your penance. To my mind that shows me your morals are impeccable and you are certainly not indiscreet – if you were no one would ever know about this:wink:! You had a wobble in the shop and maybe that needs investigating but you are a decent member of society. It is natural I suppose for family to be a bit shocked especially when they see you as such a conscientious and honest person but stop feeling ashamed and please do not let anyone else berate you. The staff at Primark have moved on (waiting for wales to turn up I expectmsl, your family will move on and so should you.

[Ashamed]

Re: Advice pls, utterly ashamed

Thank you so much everyone for your guidance and support. I will take on board everyone you have said and keep you posted should I need to regarding the RLP. This will never happen again!

[wales01man]

Re: Advice pls, utterly ashamed

As I said before you are not a Criminal you DID NOT commit a Crime end of forget RLP they have as much right to your money as I have

[oldbadger]

Re: Advice pls, utterly ashamed

.......................... Yes they were intimidating in the store but that's their job I guess .........................

Nope! Their job is to be profitable by offering customer care and service.

A good word for human beings is 'naughty'. Some psychologists place humans in two age groups...5 years and 8 years. The 8 year group is in fact 5 years old as well, it's just that they think they are more mature and smarter than other 5 year olds!


Now, imagine that you own a shop, and need to display lots of items for shoppers to touch, inspect, etc. You know humans are all like kids, and can be naughty, so you train your staff to be vigilant, you use theft deterrents such as increased light levels, openess, blah blah....... but sometimes you notice that something is wrong, and that a shopper might have put shop property in their own bag. So you have two choices:


1. You can approach the customer politely, offer a basket, apologise that there were no baskets at the store entrance earlier, explain that should the shopper need any help, advice or assistance that you won't be far away and leave them to make decisions about what they want to do.


2. You can approach in a confrontational manner, accusing, insulting, demanding, etc etc.


Now, which shop do you think will sell more goods? The one that frightens everybody away and bans everybody, or the one that offers customer care? Primark know this, and most of its managers would (hopefully) deliver customer care and service where customers make mistakes or are tempted, because that way those same customers can return to buy more goods. You just met with a rubbish management crew on that day.


Me? For example, I always put my chilled selections in my own chiller bags at the displays, and often put other goods in ordinary bags.... then empty out at the paypoints. This is quite common practice in European Countries. We're in Europe!


You could take action against the store, based on your description ............