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One in four parents have reduced their working life to spend more time with their family, according to a government study that also charts the rise of "relay parenting" whereby mums and dads parent in shifts to fit around their jobs.
Families are under stress from the pressures of juggling work and home life, but even so, parents who work are more likely to stay together because financial problems are one of the biggest strains a relationship can suffer, says the wide-ranging Cabinet Office study, which documents the changing nature of families.
It was presented at a conference of newspaper and TV agony aunts, convened by the children's secretary, Ed Balls, to highlight the impact of family breakdown on children.
The paper declares the end of the typical family. "We see an increasing range of family structures, to the extent that there is arguably no longer a one-size-fits-all family in Britain today. But this is diversity and not decline. Warm, loving and stable relationships matter more for our happiness and wellbeing than the legal form of a relationship," says the introduction, written by the minister for families, Beverley Hughes, and the Cabinet Office minister, Liam Byrne.
It documents the growing impact of working lives on families. Around 25% of adults aged 30 to 59 have downshifted their careers over the last 10 years by quitting their jobs, reducing their hours or changing their career path. A third said spending more time with their family was the primary reason, nearly 20% were looking for a more fulfilling job and about 7% said they were looking for a "post-materialist" lifestyle.
While mothers and fathers now spend more "quality" time with their children, in particular taking part in educational activities, there is much less "couple time" for parents.
Children see less of their parents as a couple and the reduction in shared time places conflicts and strains on their relationships, says the paper, titled Families in Britain.
Unemployment and economic "shocks" in a family are a trigger for breakups, it warns. The report attempts to debunk the myth that the traditional family pattern of two married parents has declined since the 1950s, pointing out that rates of lone parents were the same in the 15th century as they are today.
It outlines the "numerous" negative effects on children when their parents separate, but suggests that if parents can keep an amicable relationship and maintain as much stability as possible they can ameliorate those damaging effects. Families that experience breakdown face the most challenges, but a negative impact on their children is not inevitable.
Maternal grandparents play a crucial role when parents separate, stepping in to support the parents. In particular, the level of involvement of grandparents is often a factor in whether a mother living alone with her children can take a job. Four in 10 grandparents live within 15 minutes of their grandchild and see them several times a week. Some 68% of grandparents feel "very close" to their grandchild.
Ed Balls said: "We know that in the vast majority of cases where parents are splitting up they will always try to make sure they put the needs of children first.
"But sometimes that just isn't possible, and the risk is that the impact of their parents' break-up can sometimes scar children for life."
Balls announced £2.6m in funding for the relationship counselling service Relate to support families, and said he would fund a new booklet - to be called Kids in the Middle - written by agony aunts including Linda Blair of the Guardian and Deidre Sanders of the Sun, to go into schools and doctors' surgeries.
A child health strategy due to be published in the new year will include an expansion of the role for health visitors and other professionals in the first weeks of a baby's life when stress levels are running high and research shows the family is most at risk of breakup, he said.
The paper finds that most parents now aspire to share the workload of child rearing, but in general fail to achieve the ideal. The new research confirms that women still shoulder the bulk of the housework.
'I don't see her when I work'
Sarah, a lawyer in central London, and James, a film-maker, have a two-year-old daughter, Milly
"When James is unemployed, it's great. He looks after her and I can work as much as I need to. But then if he isn't working, there's huge financial pressure, and when I work that hard I don't really see her and that's not great. Childcare doesn't solve the problem of missing your child.
"When James is working, it's really tough. It's just me. I need help in the mornings and evenings dropping her off and picking her up, but the minimum someone works for is 20 hours a week. That costs £800 a month, on top of £1,000 of nursery costs. But we have to pay that, otherwise there's no way I can make it to work on time.
"It's still this hard even though I downshifted to four days. I'm now at a small family-friendly firm, earning about a third of what I earned as a city lawyer. In my old job it was normal not to get home until 10pm. But being a lawyer is never a nine-to-five job and I still work weekends. My job will never be predictable. I sometimes think I downshifted in income but not in terms of the demands on me.
"Some nights, I'm so exhausted I can hardly see. People say working from home is the answer, but I think there's a lot of dishonesty in the discussion about what people are capable of doing. If you are up four times in the night, go to work, come home, get the kid to bed and then are expected to work more ... what kind of brutal society is that? Do we think that will solve the gender equality issue? I'm good at my job and I believe in what I'm doing, but sometimes I feel the only answer is to abandon the career."
• Names have been changed
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