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I've recently been bereaved and only just found out that three Executors are in my mum's will.
When my father passed away (without a will), my mother was left in a terrible state - as she was incapable of independent living. Prior even to dad's death, she lived in filthy conditions, in a single small room. You wouldn't believe what was in there and what it looked like. I'd never been permitted to open the door. I spent a week living at the house, clearing all the litter and making the house more presentable.
Mum had vascular dementia, ****akoff's Syndrome, severe alcohol issues and many other conditions.
I helped as much as I could, but she quickly spiralled out of control and ended up in hospital - having nearly died of hypothermia.
From there she went to a care home and went between living back at home and care homes several times, with there being many cases of disturbed behaviour.
From the arrival at her first care home, I did everything for her, including financial decisions and helping with her healthcare requirements.
She would drift in and out of lucidity. One day she could be warm and welcoming to people, the next day accusing them of theft; or verbally and physically attacking them. Her memory was terrible. She was phoning dad at home and getting angry with staff that he didn't answer. I had to prove to one care home that my dad was dead, with a Death Certificate. I could never get a Power of Attorney or Court of Protection, because her capacity waned dramatically.
After many months of helping her with everything, I reminded her of a small book she had with old contacts. She had lost touch with all her old acquaintances and most family members, through arguments, attacks and accusations.
From this she was able to make contact with an old friend, that she had only seen once in the previous 40 years.
I'd thought making contact would help mum to lift herself out of the prison of alcohol and ease her depressive state. Things did improve. Her mental situation was still erratic, but she seemed happy with the rekindling of friendship.
Gradually this long-absent friend started to exert control over my mum. She started making demands of me and sending abusive messages, which would then be mirrored by my mum. I'm absolutely certain this friend was turning my mums affections away from me. Then the friend started saying that she was now making payments for mum, but that I should purchase shopping for her - which would have to be from my own money.
Later on I found out that this friend now had access to all of mum's bank accounts and savings and was running her finances for her - and commanding me to do things for mum, to visit her and complaining about the help she and her husband were providing. Then the friend started to complain about my mum to me, mentioned that she thought she was unclean, a bad person and that she didn't want to visit her.
Over my entire life, both my dad and mum promised me that I would inherit everything from them. They even discussed from an early age, a family bond to share any large amounts of money won, inherited or by whatever means one third each. Or two thirds if only two of us remained. A bizarre thing that I had to keep agreeing to, even when I didn't understand what they were talking about as I was too young.
Several years ago, my mum inherited £92,000 from her mum. I was never told and only found out when dad passed away and was having to deal with papers. Mum said when I asked her about this, "we were going to tell you, but forgot."
In terms of my own inheritance, it was never in doubt. After dad passed away, my mum would regularly threaten to take me out of her will. Doing so in 2018, when there was no will. Everytime the treat was made, I reminded her that I don't need to be financially bribed or controlled to help her. She would then say there was no will and that she had been angry.
It turns out though, that just a few short months after her friend appeared back on the scene, a will was written in 2019. In between two hospital attendances by mum, where she had experienced mental disturbances. That will left almost the entire estate, my childhood home and my grandmother's cash to mum's friend. Written by a will-maker, who was a friend of mum's friend. Just recently, this same friend had claimed to not know there was a will. Her husband contacted me a while ago and said he wanted me to take over mum's Power of Attorney. I hadn't even realised she had granted one. He said I should get my mum some chocolates and flowers and sweet talk her into agreeing. Very unsavoury...
Mum's friend had once texted me, in between some coercive messages and told me that mum wanted to give her the house. Mum's friend said to me that she told mum she didn't want it. She told me she didn't want it. At that time my mum had accused me of stealing some saucepans from the house. I'd insisted I hadn't, but purchased some new ones and took them around. Turns out mum hadn't looked in her kitchen cupboards to look for the saucepans. She just laughed when I pointed out her mistake.
I thought back to the date when the will had been dated. It was easy to remember, because I was approaching my 50th birthday and I had visited mum. I remember the visit very clearly. She told me that the man over the road had come around to visit her, completely out of the blue. He had come with another man to check up on her, to see if she was alright. Mum still seemed a bit surprised about this neighbour caring about her so much, to come over and visit. Turns out it had been the will signing, just three days previously.
I'd like to contest the will - but I'm concerned about the cost. I've written up 20 pages of evidence so far and have requested Access to Health Records. I've got hundreds of messages from social workers, mental health advisors and all the abusive stuff from mum and the friend. I've made contact with one of the witnesses to the will and have asked the will writer for all the circumstances leading up to the writing of the will. Negotiation would be favoured. Mediation if necessary. Want to avoid any contentious litigation, because I can't afford it and I don't want dad's hard-earned ending up in the pockets of a solicitor.
Sorry for the long message. What do I do?
When my father passed away (without a will), my mother was left in a terrible state - as she was incapable of independent living. Prior even to dad's death, she lived in filthy conditions, in a single small room. You wouldn't believe what was in there and what it looked like. I'd never been permitted to open the door. I spent a week living at the house, clearing all the litter and making the house more presentable.
Mum had vascular dementia, ****akoff's Syndrome, severe alcohol issues and many other conditions.
I helped as much as I could, but she quickly spiralled out of control and ended up in hospital - having nearly died of hypothermia.
From there she went to a care home and went between living back at home and care homes several times, with there being many cases of disturbed behaviour.
From the arrival at her first care home, I did everything for her, including financial decisions and helping with her healthcare requirements.
She would drift in and out of lucidity. One day she could be warm and welcoming to people, the next day accusing them of theft; or verbally and physically attacking them. Her memory was terrible. She was phoning dad at home and getting angry with staff that he didn't answer. I had to prove to one care home that my dad was dead, with a Death Certificate. I could never get a Power of Attorney or Court of Protection, because her capacity waned dramatically.
After many months of helping her with everything, I reminded her of a small book she had with old contacts. She had lost touch with all her old acquaintances and most family members, through arguments, attacks and accusations.
From this she was able to make contact with an old friend, that she had only seen once in the previous 40 years.
I'd thought making contact would help mum to lift herself out of the prison of alcohol and ease her depressive state. Things did improve. Her mental situation was still erratic, but she seemed happy with the rekindling of friendship.
Gradually this long-absent friend started to exert control over my mum. She started making demands of me and sending abusive messages, which would then be mirrored by my mum. I'm absolutely certain this friend was turning my mums affections away from me. Then the friend started saying that she was now making payments for mum, but that I should purchase shopping for her - which would have to be from my own money.
Later on I found out that this friend now had access to all of mum's bank accounts and savings and was running her finances for her - and commanding me to do things for mum, to visit her and complaining about the help she and her husband were providing. Then the friend started to complain about my mum to me, mentioned that she thought she was unclean, a bad person and that she didn't want to visit her.
Over my entire life, both my dad and mum promised me that I would inherit everything from them. They even discussed from an early age, a family bond to share any large amounts of money won, inherited or by whatever means one third each. Or two thirds if only two of us remained. A bizarre thing that I had to keep agreeing to, even when I didn't understand what they were talking about as I was too young.
Several years ago, my mum inherited £92,000 from her mum. I was never told and only found out when dad passed away and was having to deal with papers. Mum said when I asked her about this, "we were going to tell you, but forgot."
In terms of my own inheritance, it was never in doubt. After dad passed away, my mum would regularly threaten to take me out of her will. Doing so in 2018, when there was no will. Everytime the treat was made, I reminded her that I don't need to be financially bribed or controlled to help her. She would then say there was no will and that she had been angry.
It turns out though, that just a few short months after her friend appeared back on the scene, a will was written in 2019. In between two hospital attendances by mum, where she had experienced mental disturbances. That will left almost the entire estate, my childhood home and my grandmother's cash to mum's friend. Written by a will-maker, who was a friend of mum's friend. Just recently, this same friend had claimed to not know there was a will. Her husband contacted me a while ago and said he wanted me to take over mum's Power of Attorney. I hadn't even realised she had granted one. He said I should get my mum some chocolates and flowers and sweet talk her into agreeing. Very unsavoury...
Mum's friend had once texted me, in between some coercive messages and told me that mum wanted to give her the house. Mum's friend said to me that she told mum she didn't want it. She told me she didn't want it. At that time my mum had accused me of stealing some saucepans from the house. I'd insisted I hadn't, but purchased some new ones and took them around. Turns out mum hadn't looked in her kitchen cupboards to look for the saucepans. She just laughed when I pointed out her mistake.
I thought back to the date when the will had been dated. It was easy to remember, because I was approaching my 50th birthday and I had visited mum. I remember the visit very clearly. She told me that the man over the road had come around to visit her, completely out of the blue. He had come with another man to check up on her, to see if she was alright. Mum still seemed a bit surprised about this neighbour caring about her so much, to come over and visit. Turns out it had been the will signing, just three days previously.
I'd like to contest the will - but I'm concerned about the cost. I've written up 20 pages of evidence so far and have requested Access to Health Records. I've got hundreds of messages from social workers, mental health advisors and all the abusive stuff from mum and the friend. I've made contact with one of the witnesses to the will and have asked the will writer for all the circumstances leading up to the writing of the will. Negotiation would be favoured. Mediation if necessary. Want to avoid any contentious litigation, because I can't afford it and I don't want dad's hard-earned ending up in the pockets of a solicitor.
Sorry for the long message. What do I do?
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