Executor on will advice

[George74]

Hello there

I would be grateful for any advice. My mum has been thinking about a will for a while and told me yesterday that she had been to see a solicitor about it. I said that you would need to have an executor for this and she replied that she was going to appoint my brother and sister. I was a bit upset and hurt about this as I have been the main point of support for my mum for a long time, phone her all the time and previously sorted out her mum and dads will and also my dads most recently.

I am the eldest of the three of us. My brother has effectively stopped communicating with my sister and I a while back, and has minimum involvement my mum, but my sister told me he had been in touch recently with my mum to discuss her will. I dont know why my mum would appoint my brother instead of myself. Given my brother's poor communication skills, mental health issues (he has OCD), lack of interest in my mum over the years and also the responsibility needed to execute the will I am concerned that it may take a long time or not completed correctly. He is also incredibly frugile. I have a good relationship with my sister.

My question is should I be proactive and discuss with my mum to be added as an executor so all three of us can jointly administer the will to avoid any problems, or should I just leave this and keep fingers crossed and not get involved? Estate would be a property about 150k, bank about 50-60k. Thanks.

[atticus]

Discuss this with your mother and your siblings if you must, but remember that it is your mother's Will, not yours.

[ostell]

If you are on good terms with your sister then suggest the pair of you

[dslippy]

It sounds like she will have some theory about this. Talk to her.

YTour views on your brother may be part of it.

[George74]

Thank you everyone for your advice. Yes I will discuss with my sister and mum and of course will respect my mum's wishes.

[twohoots]

Do you know what? Having thought about this and recently acted as an Executor myself, maybe your Mum is doing you a favour! It is very time consuming and you have to be very thorough for it to be done properly. It is not an easy job. Has your Mum provided for all 3 of you equally in the will? Just sit back and let the two others do all the work but you could say to your Mum that her decision surprised you but you accept it’s her right.

Anyway, if your brother doesn’t talk to your sister how can they possibly work together as Executors? You could put this to your Mum too. I still think you are better off out of it!

[George74]

Thanks Twohoots and yes my mum has said assets will be split three ways. My worry is that my brother especially will struggle with this and i have no doubt this going to cause problems because he does not speak to me or my sister despite us trying over the years. Ive also just realised that all my dads stuff is still there to be sorted out and I would not be involved with this either, and im pretty sure he would want me to be.

But I have done pretty much everything for my mum over the years so I have no idea why she is thinking the way she is but maybe your right in that im being done a favour, its just not sitting easy with me.

[twohoots]

Thanks Twohoots and yes my mum has said assets will be split three ways. My worry is that my brother especially will struggle with this and i have no doubt this going to cause problems because he does not speak to me or my sister despite us trying over the years. Ive also just realised that all my dads stuff is still there to be sorted out and I would not be involved with this either, and im pretty sure he would want me to be.

But I have done pretty much everything for my mum over the years so I have no idea why she is thinking the way she is but maybe your right in that im being done a favour, its just not sitting easy with me.

that’s good then! if it was me I would say to your Mum that you realise she can appoint who she likes as Executors but it is not going to be easy with her other son not talking to the other Executor, your sister. She may not have considered this and this may cause her to change her mind before the Will is drawn up.

My case is so very similar to yours but I can’t go in to details on here …. Let’s just say it caused nearly 2 years of incredible stress, considerable legal fees and most importantly, robbed me of being able to grieve properly.

[George74]

thank you that is good advice. im very sorry to hear about what you went through. I think the stress and not being able to grieve properly is something that i am worried about as well, which is why i posted to help get some advice before this all happens. Im struggling with my mums thought processes here but im going to try and speak with her over the weekend about this.

[twohoots]

thank you that is good advice. im very sorry to hear about what you went through. I think the stress and not being able to grieve properly is something that i am worried about as well, which is why i posted to help get some advice before this all happens. Im struggling with my mums thought processes here but im going to try and speak with her over the weekend about this.

Let us know how you get on George!

[George74]

I spoke to my mum about it, I dont think she knows all the work involved and applying to court etc. She said she was going to put my brother and sister down so that there were no arguments between the three of us and i pointed out how my brother does not really get on with my sister and i. My mum said she had been thinking about things since we spoke last as well, and will 'probably' put all three of us down. So I left it at that. Thank you for all your replies and help!