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I find myself in a very difficult family situation at the moment. Since my father passed away in July, the mobility of my 86 year old mother appears to be in noticeably deteriorating, and although she is otherwise in relatively good health, my siblings and I are naturally concerned as to how long she actually has to live.
The situation is complicated by our respective locations; my brother is in Australia and I am in Cyprus, whereas my sister lives about ten miles from my mother in the South-West and regularly visits her to check on her wellbeing, take her to medical appointments and shopping, etc.
As my brother is so geographically distant, my mother had previously mentioned to me that she would nominate my sister and myself as executors to our will. She had also previously mentioned that all proceeds from her will were to be divided equally between the three of us. Unfortunately, in the immediate aftermath of my father’s funeral, my sister and I have had a major fallout.
To cut a long story short, she accused me of doing nothing to help her before and after the funeral (most of the organisation fell down to her, by virtue of her being closest geographically; I did however make it clear at all times that I was willing to assist from a distance if I possibly could); she accused myself and my wife (without justification) of being responsible for an unpleasant atmosphere in front of the rest of the family; and so on and so on. Without appearing to be too disparaging, I should explain that my sister and myself have never been particularly close, and that she has always been quite highly emotionally strung and has little in the way of emotional resilience.
I can only assume that the combined effects of stress and the grieving process has caused her to have a mental health episode which has caused her to focus all of her negative emotions onto myself; it has got to the stage where she has turned other family members (including our mother, evidently) against me, and has now said that she wants nothing to do with me.
This had led me to believe that my sister may not be a fit and proper person to perform the role of executor, not just by the state of her current mental well-being, but also because she now seemingly has such a jaundiced view of me, that I feel she is likely to act against me when it comes to performing any duties as executor.
My mother has not yet definitely confirmed that she will appoint us as executors, so I may have to have a potentially upsetting conversation with her, to try and dissuade her from nominating my sister; obviously this is something that I really do not want to have to do.
Should she be insistent upon nominating my sister and myself, this would put me in a very unpleasant situation. Such is the acrimony between my sister and myself at the moment, that it is very hard to envisage any situation where we co-operate closely in any constructive way to execute my mother’s will. (We could conceivably communicate at a safe physical distance from each other; I assume will not have to be in the same place physically to ensure proceedings go ahead without any undue delays).
I am assuming that it would be possible to apply to disqualify my sister from becoming an executor on the grounds of mental disability, but for obvious reasons it is extremely unlikely that I will be able to provide any irrefutable evidence of her condition.
I have done a little bit of research, and am aware that the breakdown of trust between executors in itself is not enough to justify the removal of one of them. If indeed my sister and myself are named as the only executors, if relations have not improved sufficiently, I understand the mediation route (whereby the parties meet with their own legal representatives in the presence of an impartial mediator) could be a possible option. However, the situation is complicated by the fact that for the foreseeable future, I will still be resident in Cyprus, and by virtue of this will probably not be able to act effectively as an executor myself.
If it ever got to the stage whereby I could not have my sister disqualified as an executor, but at the same time because of my geographical distance I could not perform the necessary executor duties myself, at what stage would the courts intervene to appoint a ‘neutral’ solicitor to execute the will?
In the event of my mother nominating both my sister and myself as executors, would it be feasible for me to approach my mother’s solicitors in advance of her passing, to forewarn them of the state of my relationship with my sister, given that we are executors and would be expected to co-operate accordingly? (It may be feasible that given everything above, she could be persuaded to nominate her solicitors rather than ourselves as executors; this would almost certainly remove any further acrimony between my sister and myself when it came to executing the will, but would of course be more expensive, and she would be even more emotionally hurt by the thought that my sister and myself could not be trusted between us to execute her wishes).
If anyone could give me any advice as to how to deal with this deeply unpleasant situation, and/or confirm any appropriate steps I can take either at this time, or when my mother eventually dies, I would be extremely grateful.
Very many thanks in anticipation of your assistance.
I find myself in a very difficult family situation at the moment. Since my father passed away in July, the mobility of my 86 year old mother appears to be in noticeably deteriorating, and although she is otherwise in relatively good health, my siblings and I are naturally concerned as to how long she actually has to live.
The situation is complicated by our respective locations; my brother is in Australia and I am in Cyprus, whereas my sister lives about ten miles from my mother in the South-West and regularly visits her to check on her wellbeing, take her to medical appointments and shopping, etc.
As my brother is so geographically distant, my mother had previously mentioned to me that she would nominate my sister and myself as executors to our will. She had also previously mentioned that all proceeds from her will were to be divided equally between the three of us. Unfortunately, in the immediate aftermath of my father’s funeral, my sister and I have had a major fallout.
To cut a long story short, she accused me of doing nothing to help her before and after the funeral (most of the organisation fell down to her, by virtue of her being closest geographically; I did however make it clear at all times that I was willing to assist from a distance if I possibly could); she accused myself and my wife (without justification) of being responsible for an unpleasant atmosphere in front of the rest of the family; and so on and so on. Without appearing to be too disparaging, I should explain that my sister and myself have never been particularly close, and that she has always been quite highly emotionally strung and has little in the way of emotional resilience.
I can only assume that the combined effects of stress and the grieving process has caused her to have a mental health episode which has caused her to focus all of her negative emotions onto myself; it has got to the stage where she has turned other family members (including our mother, evidently) against me, and has now said that she wants nothing to do with me.
This had led me to believe that my sister may not be a fit and proper person to perform the role of executor, not just by the state of her current mental well-being, but also because she now seemingly has such a jaundiced view of me, that I feel she is likely to act against me when it comes to performing any duties as executor.
My mother has not yet definitely confirmed that she will appoint us as executors, so I may have to have a potentially upsetting conversation with her, to try and dissuade her from nominating my sister; obviously this is something that I really do not want to have to do.
Should she be insistent upon nominating my sister and myself, this would put me in a very unpleasant situation. Such is the acrimony between my sister and myself at the moment, that it is very hard to envisage any situation where we co-operate closely in any constructive way to execute my mother’s will. (We could conceivably communicate at a safe physical distance from each other; I assume will not have to be in the same place physically to ensure proceedings go ahead without any undue delays).
I am assuming that it would be possible to apply to disqualify my sister from becoming an executor on the grounds of mental disability, but for obvious reasons it is extremely unlikely that I will be able to provide any irrefutable evidence of her condition.
I have done a little bit of research, and am aware that the breakdown of trust between executors in itself is not enough to justify the removal of one of them. If indeed my sister and myself are named as the only executors, if relations have not improved sufficiently, I understand the mediation route (whereby the parties meet with their own legal representatives in the presence of an impartial mediator) could be a possible option. However, the situation is complicated by the fact that for the foreseeable future, I will still be resident in Cyprus, and by virtue of this will probably not be able to act effectively as an executor myself.
If it ever got to the stage whereby I could not have my sister disqualified as an executor, but at the same time because of my geographical distance I could not perform the necessary executor duties myself, at what stage would the courts intervene to appoint a ‘neutral’ solicitor to execute the will?
In the event of my mother nominating both my sister and myself as executors, would it be feasible for me to approach my mother’s solicitors in advance of her passing, to forewarn them of the state of my relationship with my sister, given that we are executors and would be expected to co-operate accordingly? (It may be feasible that given everything above, she could be persuaded to nominate her solicitors rather than ourselves as executors; this would almost certainly remove any further acrimony between my sister and myself when it came to executing the will, but would of course be more expensive, and she would be even more emotionally hurt by the thought that my sister and myself could not be trusted between us to execute her wishes).
If anyone could give me any advice as to how to deal with this deeply unpleasant situation, and/or confirm any appropriate steps I can take either at this time, or when my mother eventually dies, I would be extremely grateful.
Very many thanks in anticipation of your assistance.
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