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Evening,
This has so far been a reasonable end to a very traumatic week!
My mother passed away on Monday and I had not seen her for a number of weeks as my brother prevented me from doing so. In brief, I believe there very well could have been coercion as my mother was also suffering from dementia.
As you can well imagine, I have felt very bitter towards him.
Also, the circumstances surrounding her death even though she was under palliative care have changed 3 times from one source who was there within a period of 24 hours. I couldn't paint a complete picture of what has gone in even if I sat down and wrote 5-10 pages of monologue.
Her doctors have refused to confirm if the death was properly verified and have been told by a family 'friend' who I suspect is part of a triangle of hate from communicating with me. I spoke with the ICO yesterday and they were quite clear that UK GDPR does not persist after death so at some point soon I will be raising questions about their ethics or lack thereof.
Now I do not want to give my brother a get-out that he has learning difficulties. He is over 60 and knows right from wrong, drives a powerful motorbike and a powerful car. He has sufficient capacity to be able to do those things but limited comprehension when it comes to understanding a discussion. He and another relative suggested that there was no point in registering the EPA which was written up over 14 years ago and it since transpires that my brother has been using my mother's bank card without her authority. I am just hoping that now she has passed he is continuing to use it before the death is registered so I have some hard proof of his criminal behaviour.
OK. So let me put that aside for now.
My mother's solicitors have been difficult to contact. They are the executors of the will. They did tell me whilst mother was still alive that she last updated it in April 2021. She had no recollection of that so my mother and I when she had just been diagnosed asked them to return our call so that we could get a copy and ensure she was clear on her wishes. In hindsight, there was perhaps no real reason to ask them other than I felt she has likely been coerced. She could have amended it had she have so wished or needed to in a moment of clarity which were getting few and far between. Though I am no expert on this, not remembering that you were diagnosed with cancer some 18 days earlier does kind of seem a reasonable indicator.
That aside, I was told by my mother that it is half to me and half to my brother. She told at least two other relatives that I know of.
My brother whom I believe has no legal right to stay in the property because I believe he is not registered as a member of the household there (though I have not checked) had said that he would vacate the property and not spend one night there once mother had passed. So far, he was spent every night there instead of his canal boat.
I would like to know who technically owns the property at this point please. Is it the executor or the state?
The Doctors referred the death to the Coroner which was opened and closed this week. I only know this because I made the very difficult decision of contacting the Coroner with, what I feel are, my own very real concerns concerning the circumstances surrounding her death including but not limited to why my brother or nephew did not call for an ambulance, who was the nurse "from around the corner" and who verified the death and were there any other factors which may have contributed to an earlier death arising from neglect by my brother (or less likely the district nurses who I believe have been marvellous).
I am concerned that my brother will be destroying documentation and sentimental items if he remains in the house.
It is my intention to 'evict' him by entering the property and changing the locks to secure the property.
It seems he will not speak with me regarding mother's funeral arrangements and has asked this family 'friend' to arrange it. I am not in agreement one iota with this person's involvement nor many of the other so-called friends that have sought refuge in my mother's home whilst she should have been resting. On the occasions that I was allowed access, it was not uncommon for these 'friends' to be spending 12 hours a day there praying and doing whatever they were doing. I have some valuable belongings there that I cannot access but I have proof of ownership for. My fear is my brother taking a sledgehammer to them.
I would really very much not prefer to wait until I have spoken with Mum's solicitors on Monday if only to fire a shot across my brother's bows and illustrate that unless he comes to the table things will could very difficult for him in a very short space of time.
Naturally, I would not wish to take any action that could be construed as illegal but given all of the above, I do not want him in the house and I want him to grow up and make contact with me to start arranging a suitable funeral without the family 'friends' getting involved nor it having to be left to the solicitor who may decree that the funeral is open to all. Not that it is pertinent to my question but there is no way I want any of those evil people at her funeral. I am trying not to sound too emotional about this because I believe I have let go of the worst of it.
How sad is this whole affair? You never believe it can happen to you.
This has so far been a reasonable end to a very traumatic week!
My mother passed away on Monday and I had not seen her for a number of weeks as my brother prevented me from doing so. In brief, I believe there very well could have been coercion as my mother was also suffering from dementia.
As you can well imagine, I have felt very bitter towards him.
Also, the circumstances surrounding her death even though she was under palliative care have changed 3 times from one source who was there within a period of 24 hours. I couldn't paint a complete picture of what has gone in even if I sat down and wrote 5-10 pages of monologue.
Her doctors have refused to confirm if the death was properly verified and have been told by a family 'friend' who I suspect is part of a triangle of hate from communicating with me. I spoke with the ICO yesterday and they were quite clear that UK GDPR does not persist after death so at some point soon I will be raising questions about their ethics or lack thereof.
Now I do not want to give my brother a get-out that he has learning difficulties. He is over 60 and knows right from wrong, drives a powerful motorbike and a powerful car. He has sufficient capacity to be able to do those things but limited comprehension when it comes to understanding a discussion. He and another relative suggested that there was no point in registering the EPA which was written up over 14 years ago and it since transpires that my brother has been using my mother's bank card without her authority. I am just hoping that now she has passed he is continuing to use it before the death is registered so I have some hard proof of his criminal behaviour.
OK. So let me put that aside for now.
My mother's solicitors have been difficult to contact. They are the executors of the will. They did tell me whilst mother was still alive that she last updated it in April 2021. She had no recollection of that so my mother and I when she had just been diagnosed asked them to return our call so that we could get a copy and ensure she was clear on her wishes. In hindsight, there was perhaps no real reason to ask them other than I felt she has likely been coerced. She could have amended it had she have so wished or needed to in a moment of clarity which were getting few and far between. Though I am no expert on this, not remembering that you were diagnosed with cancer some 18 days earlier does kind of seem a reasonable indicator.
That aside, I was told by my mother that it is half to me and half to my brother. She told at least two other relatives that I know of.
My brother whom I believe has no legal right to stay in the property because I believe he is not registered as a member of the household there (though I have not checked) had said that he would vacate the property and not spend one night there once mother had passed. So far, he was spent every night there instead of his canal boat.
I would like to know who technically owns the property at this point please. Is it the executor or the state?
The Doctors referred the death to the Coroner which was opened and closed this week. I only know this because I made the very difficult decision of contacting the Coroner with, what I feel are, my own very real concerns concerning the circumstances surrounding her death including but not limited to why my brother or nephew did not call for an ambulance, who was the nurse "from around the corner" and who verified the death and were there any other factors which may have contributed to an earlier death arising from neglect by my brother (or less likely the district nurses who I believe have been marvellous).
I am concerned that my brother will be destroying documentation and sentimental items if he remains in the house.
It is my intention to 'evict' him by entering the property and changing the locks to secure the property.
It seems he will not speak with me regarding mother's funeral arrangements and has asked this family 'friend' to arrange it. I am not in agreement one iota with this person's involvement nor many of the other so-called friends that have sought refuge in my mother's home whilst she should have been resting. On the occasions that I was allowed access, it was not uncommon for these 'friends' to be spending 12 hours a day there praying and doing whatever they were doing. I have some valuable belongings there that I cannot access but I have proof of ownership for. My fear is my brother taking a sledgehammer to them.
I would really very much not prefer to wait until I have spoken with Mum's solicitors on Monday if only to fire a shot across my brother's bows and illustrate that unless he comes to the table things will could very difficult for him in a very short space of time.
Naturally, I would not wish to take any action that could be construed as illegal but given all of the above, I do not want him in the house and I want him to grow up and make contact with me to start arranging a suitable funeral without the family 'friends' getting involved nor it having to be left to the solicitor who may decree that the funeral is open to all. Not that it is pertinent to my question but there is no way I want any of those evil people at her funeral. I am trying not to sound too emotional about this because I believe I have let go of the worst of it.
How sad is this whole affair? You never believe it can happen to you.
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