* Inheritance

[sparkles22]

ok thanks ive written her a letter and going to send in today via email.. will see what happens .

[sparkles22]

hi just want to let you know its sorted and the executor now agrees with me ... .. thanks for all you help and advice.

[Amethyst]

Yeyyy, common sense reigns Good news - should make dealing with the estate slightly easier and less stressful now you're in agreement. Let us know if you run into any further issues xxx

[Peridot]

Well done, sticking to your guns sparkles22 Glad it seems to have been sorted at last. Hopefully things can now move forward. Here if you ever need any more pointers.

[sparkles22]

ok thanks again.

[sparkles22]

Hi I’m back again - I’ve had an email from the executor saying she’s not happy and my family aren’t happy with me as I agreed (which I didn’t) and then went and changed my mind. my Grandad didn’t know my mum had died as it was decided that it would be too much for him to bare. She’s saying that if he had of known he would have changed his will and included my brother.
Also nothing seems to be moving with the sale of the house so I’m wondering if they’re planning on contesting the will and trying to slow things down. I thought this was sorted but obviously not .

[Amethyst]

Sorry to hear that, I'd hoped it was simply a misunderstanding and she'd worked out what the actual situation was. Of course had your mum not passed your brother would be getting nothing ( he's only getting something now because he's entitled to a share of your mums share ) ... so I don't see her logic there whatsoever. Had your grandad wanted to leave something directly to your brother he would have done so the same as he did with you - whether he knew your mum had passed or not makes no difference.

Does her email look like she expects a response or is it just mithering at you ?

[sparkles22]

hi im not sure what to make of it to be honest.. when i wrote to her i asked her to clarify a few points which she said over the phone when i talked to her. she came back after a week and said she'd had some legal advice and that i was correct in my understanding and she would address the points id made a later date as wanted to carefully consider her response. i said i was happy to leave it as it was as we had reached an understanding. never heard anything until now so thought it was sorted. dont know if to reply or just ignore it as it could just get into an arguement. theres quite a long paragraph going on about i cant be seen as both again so obviously she cant let this bit go. shes also saying i agreed to it - ive no idea where thats come from as i wasn't approached at any point and asked if this would be ok.. im finding this really upsetting too so just want to draw a line over it and move on.

[Amethyst]

It really isn't up to her, her job as executor is to carry out the wishes expressed in the Will. That is clear to state you have a 6th share of the residual estate along with your aunties and uncles. It is also very clear that should one of the beneficiaries pass before him their share should pass to their children. There is no confusion over whether you were a child or a grand child as throughout you are specified as grand-daughter - and had you passed before your grandad then your children would share your share. His intention is very clear and there simply is no argument. Just because your aunty doesn't feel like it's fair on your brother is neither here nor there.

Of course you can 'be seen' as both - you ARE your grandads grand-daughter - and you ARE your mothers child .... thus you are entitled to the 6th share your grandad left to you directly, and half of your mother's share as her child - it is entirely irrelevant how she feels about it.

I do think you want to reply to her, to remind her of her obligations ( again) and reiterate that you have not previously agreed anything of the sort.... but I think it would help first if you could maybe share the email you have received with Peridot for help with a response if needed so that if things do go legal you have a good grounding.

[sparkles22]

ive just emailed a copy to the admin email address.

[Amethyst]

Okay I'll pass to Peridot - had a read, and it's certainly emotionally - I'd say manipulative but that would seem a bit strong - but you know what I mean - she does sound genuine in what she says, but as I said before it's not down to her, and she has recognised that...

I know that I have to give you both your own share and half of your mum’s.

See what Peridot thinks would be a sensible way to respond anyway xx

[sparkles22]

ok thanks.

[Peridot]

Hi Sparkles22,

How upsetting for you. I've had a read of the e-mail. Your Aunt does appear to be accepting what she has to do as far as the division of the estate is concerned. The emotional blackmail is really tough for you to read. I suppose it comes down to whether you want and if you do, what sort of relationship you want with the family in the future, as to how you reply. It does appear that she has been told what she has to do legally and she knows she wouldn't be in a position to change this now having got some legal advice.

In my opinion they haven't been exactly fair to you in the way things have been dealt with. Maybe things could have been agreed between you if it had been approached in a better way. At the end of the day if there had been a longer period of time between the date your grandfather and mum passed away the discussion would probably not be even happening. Executors can't just re-write what they think a person would have wanted if they'd known all the facts. It was their choice not to tell your grandfather his daughter had died. I appreciate their reasons for this were probably to prevent any further hurt but it didn't give him the opportunity to make any changes (if he wanted to) so they are stuck with it.

I anticipate it may be sometime before the estate is finalised if they are waiting for a house sale to happen too so you may have to brace yourself for further emotive correspondence from the executors.

It is of course up to you what you do with the inheritance you are entitled to. If you wished to give your brother some then that is up to you but it doesn't have to be part of the will distribution. If relations have deteriorated so much with family members, whatever you do or agree may not change anything in the long term.

You know your family better than us of course so unfortunately that is a decision for you to make. I don't think you need to respond if you don't feel up to it. If or when you do I would thank her for confirming she understands what she is legally required to do as far as the distribution is concerned and maybe say that you will decide once the estate is finalised what you will do with your inheritance and this would be a private arrangement between you and those affected? As I say you can probably anticipate the family response to anything you say better than us and only you know what sort of relationship you wish to maintain with the family.

Sometimes it can be helpful just focusing on the facts in e-mails/letters and trying to ignore the emotional digs and threats although it is really tough. Factually she appears to have accepted the distribution that should occur, any other decision is for you as to what you wish to do with any inheritance you receive.

[sparkles22]

thanks for the reply.. im more worried about the impact now it might have on the relationship with my brother as we've not spoken about the amounts.. i think hes been told the will says he gets all my mums share. she went to his house and told him this before i even knew what the will said. as reqards to the rest of family i think its damaged our relationship and at the moment i feel like i dont want to have anything to do with them anymore as it feels like they're erasing acknowledgement of my mum being a part of my upraising and i wont allow that. I think i need to sort it with my brother ive left it alone until now as i was hoping she might sort it as she had made the mistake.

[Peridot]

Hi again,
Maybe you need to have a chat with him, explain the legal position and if you feel so inclined maybe offer him an amount from your inheritance? You aren't of course obliged to do so but maybe keep your options open depending on how your brother reacts? It is like treading on egg shells and not easy for you at all. If the executor hadn't decided to do what she wanted rather than what is legally required none of this would have happened!
I'm sorry it can't be easy and there is no straightforward answer either.