Help please my mentally ill wife is giving our childrens inheritance away !

[sitting duck]

I have just been handed court papers for me to appear in court regarding my partner of 25yrs applying for a non molestation order, can this be correct that i am being given only 1 day to prepare my defence ? I had no idea this was coming, unfortunately my partner has an inoperable brain tumour which is causing her to become very disturbed in her behavior, recently she punched our 13 year old in the face and has attacked him on various other occasions, she also has accused me of attacking her violently several times in the last 6 months, luckily for me each time 1 or more of our 3 children were present and told the police the truth about what really happened, so she now has a record of making false accusations, and has been diagnosed with a depressive disorder as well as the police beeing so concerned with her behavior that they recently made an on the spot mental health assesment of her.
This is incredibly difficult for us all to see the wife/partner/mother and friend that we all love so much mentally deteriorate so badly,
Is it possible to get a McKenzie friend with only 1 days notice ? any help sincerely appreciated, the court date is this tuesday !!

[sitting duck]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

Well an update,I have been given 7 days to get out of of the family home !! I must say i do feel quite lucky though, because it was obviously a foregone conclusion as soon as i walked into the courtroom that the non mol would be served, when i had my chance of speaking to the judge i pointed out the facts that she has a conviction for shoplifting, during which trial she was described by the police as a pathological liar ! also she has admitted to myself and my 21 year old son that she did not say the words that are written down in her statement which say that i am constantly bursting into the house and smashing her head against the wall but in fact it was the social worker/child protection officer who said those words !

[slainte caragh]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

Firstly I am so sorry to hear of this.

I cannot image what you are going through, it must be heartbreaking.

I cannot advise on the legality of this, just offer my sincerest and heartfelt wishes and cyber hugs! I wish I could do more

If you need to talk, I am always on the other side of the laptop screen


Callie <3

[Amethyst]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

Does your partner have any kind of support worker through the hospital ?

Has she made accusations against you with regards the children ? ( Child Protection worker being involved )

Is your 21 yr old son still living at home ? You have a 13yr old, how old is the third child ?

[Amethyst]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

Have you looked at contacting a charity for support at all ? They might be able to help you understand more about what's going on with your partner and how to handle things. These have been recommended to me https://www.headway.org.uk/about-bra.../brain-tumour/ and may be able to put you in touch with local support.

[sitting duck]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

Thankyou all so much for the support so far our children are 13 21 and 22 ,i'm on the train to peterborough to meet my mckenzie friend at the mo, yes she is getting help and support local mental health team and has been recently diagnosed with a depressive disorder,

[Peridot]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

Was think more about support for you! Headway are amazing and no doubt have forums etc where you can talk to others who are living in similar situations. I'm sure there are other support groups out there but I have only had first hand experience with Headway, in my nursing days.
Hope your mckenzie friend is a support.

[sitting duck]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

Hi folks, well i'm now living in the back of my van, i've often questioned my choice of career but i guess one good thing is as a general builder i have a large vehicle at my disposal !! A friend is letting me sleep in his driveway for the time being, in response to Amethysts question no she has not made accusations regarding the children, that was me because on her 50th birhtday party i found our 13yr old curled up crying in his bed crying his eyes out, when i asked him why he said mum came into his room started screaming at him and then punched him in the face ! it was an awful moment because i realised nothing would ever be the same as of course i knew that i had no choice in whether i reported it or not,
to be completely honest she had been violent towards him for over a year previous to this but i had hoped it was a phase that would pass, as these incidents were more like them fighting rather than a direct assault.
The accusations towards me that followed were her retaliating to what she imagined were malicious claims by me, the context of this is that the tumour has seriously affected her memory to the level where when she had one of the random phone calls from the local mental team over a month ago asking the dates of birth of our 3 children , when she could'nt give them even one of their dob she was called in for an immediate assesment.
So now after me being forced out for over a week now the children tell me she is just sitting in a chair crying all the time and saying this is not what she wanted and has repeated to our family and several friends that she did not say the words in the court papers that i was continually coming into the house {i have been living in a caravan in the back garden for a year and a half} and picking her up and smashing her head against the wall or floor !! the children all know that there is no truth at all in these claims, i am a completely passive person who has never been even slightly violent towards anyone in my entire life. I do feel that my partner/ex partner is being used by the legal process and am going to c a b today to seek advice about what to do about the social worker who on my ex's own admission said she had to say these words or our 13yr old would be taken into care,
at the momemt i am extremly concerned for her welfare and am terrified that she will do something silly because she seems racked with remorse over making all these false accusations, i have to pickup the 13yr old every evening after work to take him to get food as mum seems to have completely collapsed into herself, he also refuses to speak to her and is up to 4 or 5 am every morning on his xbox and sleeping through the day, i have tried to speak to him about this but once i drop him off he is out of my care, sorry about such a long winded post !!

[sitting duck]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

Just to clarify when i last spoke to her about the assaults on our 13yr old she claimed to have no knowledge of any of these incidents and i genuinely believe that she thought was being truthful , well in so much as her memory would allow.

[Peridot]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

Hi sitting duck,
I'm sorry to hear what has happened. I really think that you need to get some face to face legal advice on this. I would also recommend contacting your wife's treating consultant and/or GP to discuss what is happening as well as the social worker.
It seems to me that all the various people involved with your wife's care and the family need to be communicating with each other to come up with a plan that is good for the family moving forward.
I'm sorry I can't offer any more practical advice with all you have indicated. On the information you have given, I am at a loss why the order went the way it did.
It seems there needs to be some 'joined up thinking' here, with all specialists communicating, medics, social services and lawyers, if needs be.

[sitting duck]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

Morning all, well this morning when i picked up our 21yr old from the house , don't worry i stayed on the road outside !, she came running out in an extremely distressed state saying loudly that she wanted to drop all charges and repeating again that she admitted to making it all up, she doesn't look at all well, also my 13yr old is staying with me in the back of my van and saying that he never gets fed anymore and doesn't want to go back to live with her, after speaking to my mckenzie friend he says she needs to make a statement admitting that she made it all up, but i am very concerned about what the repercussions might be for her, anyone have any ideas what might happen to her if/when she makes this statement ?

[MIKE770]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

get that statement - the children are priority, not her, she can seek help, been too soft myself in the past and lost out big time, usually all backfires as you play into their hands

[Peridot]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

You also need to contact her treating doctors I would suggest as well as obtaining your own advice to ensure you are not putting yourself in the firing line, particularly with your youngest staying in the caravan with you.

[sitting duck]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

Well the problem with the non mol order is that i can't make any contact with her at all, unfortunately i don't think i have the right to access her medical records or communicate with her doctor or neurosurgeon, i don't even have time to access her police records as 2 weeks is of course an insufficient amount of time to request them, the terrible thing about that is because in this case they are extremely pertinent to the issue of her honesty as the last time she was in court [shoplifting charge] the police described her as a pathological liar.
And also in my dealings with them in relation this case they have said to me that they believe she is schizophrenic.

[Peridot]

Re: Help please 1 days notice of court appearance regarding non molestation order

You don't need access to her medical records, which is right. But if you have concerns over her and your child's safety you should talk to the SW and maybe GP. This isn't about you getting information its about ensuring everyone is safe at this stage.
I wouldn't hold much store in a police diagnosis, this is about getting all of you the help you need. I don't see any harm in contacting the SW and mentioning what has been happening so they are aware, not to get any confidential info about your wife and that would need to be made clear to them.